Mommy.

In november my mother passed away from small cell lung cancer. Her battle went on for over a year and a half. I was 19 and motherless. To put this lightly, my world as it was ceases to exist. I have a job that probably is hating me I was off for over 3 weeks for work around the time of her death and after. Now i cant seem to go a week without calling off because i just cant get myself out of bed. My birthday wasnt even a month after her death and I didnt want to get out of bed and I still dont. I dont know what to do with myself, I am grumpy and crabby at everyone who gets in my way. I am so lost and confused. I do have a sister but we both have our own pain that is way to big to try to help/support the other. I do have a fiance but im not the type of person to cry about ANYTHING in front of people. I cried the day she was diagnosed, the day they told us she had probably 12 hrs left and at her funeral. I cry at random stuff like the fact I couldnt get a can open the other day. Seriously I dont know what to do with myself or with anyone else. My pain is swollowing me whole and my heart is no longer even into shreads. Its gone. Along with her. What do I do? What do I think? How am i suppose to live without my mom?

I am so sorry to hear of your Mother's passing.  My husband died of colon cancer in November after a four year battle with that horrible disease and my Father died of lung cancer in 2000 so I can relate somewhat to what you are experiencing.  Be kind to yourself.  You are going through a horrible lost and though time will help you will always miss your Mom.  I think of my Dad's death as a big hole that heals from the outside end and it doesn't take much to make the hole open.  Now, I've lost my best friend and it's just unbearable at times.  Most people will understand what you are experiencing.  Those that don't now, will probably in time go through the same thing.  Take care of yourself.  Eat regularly, sleep regularly, move around and be among people.  Call your sister.  You can both be a huge support to each other right now even if all you do is just sit silently with each other.  Also, pray!  Even if it's just in the form of conversation it will help you more than you know and it will also reaffirm that you are not alone. Give yourself the time you need to mourn the lost of your loved one.  I tell people that I'm just taking it a moment at a time and I truly mean it.  I also cry when I least expect it and the silliest(sp?) things.  I will be praying for you as well!

r/

Janice

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your mother. You have every right to feel the way that you do and you need to honor that---be alone if you have to but dont close yourself off from everyone. You need support and love right now. I will keep you in my prayers.

Hi, I'm Tina and you can read under colon cancer "legal advice" about my experience with my momma, she battled colon cancer for 9 1/2 months and the last month we moved her in with her sister for 24 hour care as me and my two brothers worked and none could afford to take off for the 24 hour care. We rotated  up until the last month and those were the worse 31 days of our life.  After 10 days there her brother went and changed us from power of attorney to him as her poa while she signed it on 1200mg of morphine.  The last week she hurt so bad the morphine was like an asprin.  My aunt turned into a warden and well I wanted to kill everyone who hindered my time with her the first 3 weeks she was there, the last week I was allowed to stay all night with her and help do all medical needs, no one was in the room with her when she passed, yet I got there 5 minutes later and lay next to her and washed her and braided her hair and changed her pj's and I am the one who fixed her up and the funeral home.  I thought all that and the pics I took of her after I finished getting her ready for the funeral, somehow I thought this would help me say goodbye, knowing she was free of that pain and I had pis of her before her body was gone forever, and I too lay in the bed with those pics, and want to die I can't hear her voice on the phone and her laughter is gone, and yet knowing she is in a better place, eases nothing.  My best friend is gone and nothing can change that.  I thought I would feel her presence in my home or her's, nothing.  She passed away on Dec 17th, we buried her on the 21st and my 33rd birthday is X-mas eve.  Mom buried her momma 2 months after her 33rd b-day.  My boys 14 and 11 are all screwed up and my life is at a stand still.  I will keep you in my prayers, know this, there are no words to help you only time to lessen this pain.  One day the sadness will be pride that our moms are in Heaven and tears of sorrow will be of joy at memories of wonderful days from the past.  God bless you.  Tina

 

On 12/21/2007 Super_Sherron wrote:

In november my mother passed away from small cell lung cancer. Her battle went on for over a year and a half. I was 19 and motherless. To put this lightly, my world as it was ceases to exist. I have a job that probably is hating me I was off for over 3 weeks for work around the time of her death and after. Now i cant seem to go a week without calling off because i just cant get myself out of bed. My birthday wasnt even a month after her death and I didnt want to get out of bed and I still dont. I dont know what to do with myself, I am grumpy and crabby at everyone who gets in my way. I am so lost and confused. I do have a sister but we both have our own pain that is way to big to try to help/support the other. I do have a fiance but im not the type of person to cry about ANYTHING in front of people. I cried the day she was diagnosed, the day they told us she had probably 12 hrs left and at her funeral. I cry at random stuff like the fact I couldnt get a can open the other day. Seriously I dont know what to do with myself or with anyone else. My pain is swollowing me whole and my heart is no longer even into shreads. Its gone. Along with her. What do I do? What do I think? How am i suppose to live without my mom?

I hope that you are reading these messages.  I just don't know where to begin. I KNOW exactly how you feel.  My Mom is dying of cancer as I write this.  I can't get a handle on what life will be like without her.  It is the scariest thing I have ever had to face. I lost my Dad when I was in college.  I do know this:  think about what your Mother would want for you and try to reach for that.  If you don't have faith (and even if you do) it's really hard.  I know God is watching over us and that my Mother will be going to a better place but it doesn't make it a bit easier to give her up.  If you can possibly read the Bible (or whatever document is a testimony of your faith) then I think you can find strength there.  God wants you to be near him.  He is in control and his way his perfect and certainly NOT always the way we WANT or would understand.  I think from what you describe that you are suffering from depression.  Be careful about taking medication for that, but seek medical help to get you through it.  Talk to people who care and understand, like the people HERE who are going through WHAT you have already been through.  Try to remember also that God will not leave you comfortless, he will come to you - just ask.

I pray that you find peace and a way to continue  Your Mother would want you to embrace life - not dread it. 

-Jenny's Mom

 

Hello. I'm sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I lost my 34 yr old brother on 11/26/2007. He had ewing's sarcoma and his fight was alomost five yrs. He and i did everything together. We even worked in the same place for 9yrs. Its hard to want to get up and come to work or do anything with out him. I know his in a better place just like your mom. I just wanted to write to say its not easy but have faith and open up to anyone who wants to help. I started to do this and its been helping me. I also know that some day i well see my wonderful brother again. Take care and be strong.

Michael

Honestly, I think you should seek counseling. I have the same feelings because of my Dad's diagnosis, and when my stepdad died of brain cancer. I made an appointment last week with my Primary MD and she referred me to a counselor. I am also on anti-depressants. I know the medication for the depression is only a temporary fix but it is a start. There is no easy way of moving on once your loved one has passed. One day at a time, one month at a time, one year at a time. I have realized I need to accept things for what they are and take care of myself. Is there anyway you can take family leave? Maybe talking to your doctor and taking some time off beause of stress for a few months until you really grieve.

    I was also 19 years old when my mother died from lung cancer six months ago. I was horrified with the thought of not being around her. It was the worst day of my life in end of July. Though i realized something at 4 in the morning before she died that i should not mourn my mothers death but instead make her time on earth lasting. That is why i try to me the best person i can be so that her life's impact on me is a positive thing. There are still times when i break down cry over stupid little things like a song or drive fast which reminds me over her. Though i cherish those moments with all my heart because those were the good times we shared instead of the las weeks of her life which i hope i can forget so my image is her laugh or smile when the cancer  didn't effect her.  In the end i just hope this helps with the grieve and mourning of your mother. Bless you and your family

I really feel for you and the first thing I can suggest is to go see a therapist so that you can really talk about it and cry about it.  Support groups are wonderful too.  Keep on looking, don't give up.

 HAH!!  I should be saying the above to myself.  Mom Mother was just diagnosed 2 days ago (she's 85) very active and outgoing.  She's still my Mom even though of the differences in our ages.  I still feel the same and I'm very worried.

 I cry all the time.  I think you get into moods where you just can't stop it.  You're probably a very emotional person and that's just the way you're going to be.  Please remember that your Mom wouldn't want you to feel this way. She would want you to be vibrant and connected to your life, your job, your friends, your fun!!

I'll say a prayer for you and please say a prayer for me too?

I called Hospice and went to a grief support group about eight months after my father died.  It helped to be with other people who were experiencing the same loss.  It was a relief not to hide my tears.  Please consider doing this, or getting therapy.