Depressed And Angry

Christmas Eve it will be 3 weeks since I completed treatment; 36 radiation sessions and 1 session (2 days) of horrible chemotherapy which hospitalized me for 3 days.  I should be grateful as I was told I have a cureable cancer (tumor base of tongue and 2 nodes), I will have my feeding tube removed Jan 18 since I am now able to eat and I have a loving caregiver.  So why am I so depressed and angry?  My mouth is really dry and I am not able to sleep more than a few hours a night.  I seem to be tired, so very tired, hungry but no appetite and angry.  God bless you all for your courage and support.

Johnp

 

On 12/22/2007 johnp wrote:

Christmas Eve it will be 3 weeks since I completed treatment; 36 radiation sessions and 1 session (2 days) of horrible chemotherapy which hospitalized me for 3 days.  I should be grateful as I was told I have a cureable cancer (tumor base of tongue and 2 nodes), I will have my feeding tube removed Jan 18 since I am now able to eat and I have a loving caregiver.  So why am I so depressed and angry?  My mouth is really dry and I am not able to sleep more than a few hours a night.  I seem to be tired, so very tired, hungry but no appetite and angry.  God bless you all for your courage and suppo    Johnp

God bless you John.  I am sure you are grateful that your cancer is cureable, but when life changes so drastically - it's hard not to get deprssed and angry, I think.  Some day this will be behind you and life will be happy again.  

 

At 3 weeks post treatment, you are right at the point where you should start to feel better. I'm sorry to say the dry mouth lasts for awhile, ask your doctor for something like Salagen to help that out. You can also try Biotene products that are made to help with the dry mouth. Look at Walgreens or any pharmacy.

My appetite didnt start to come back until I got rid of my feeding tube (at about 4 weeks out).  I'm now 2 months out of treatment for tonsillar cancer ( 3 chemo, 7 weeks radiation). Your doc should also be able to give you something to help you sleep. As for the depression and anger, I cant help much, I get depressed about it too occasionally.

But....it does get better, just takes some time.

Good luck, and Merry Christmas.

I think we all would admit to period of depression sometime-either right after diagnosis, during or even after treatment. Our lives have changed. Most of us went through hell during treatment. So many of the side/after effects can be permanent. We have to find and accept our "new" normal and begin to live with it. Sounds like you are doing pretty well if you can get off the PEG tube this soon. I had mine for 5 mos. and that alone was depressing! I think now is a critical time for you-the 1st few weeks after radiation (and chemo) can be excrutiating; and now you just want to feel better, both physically and emotionally. Please hang in there because it DOES get better. Time is a great help, truly. Pretty soon you'll look back and it'll be mos since treatment, and then a year. PS-plus sometimes holidays are confusing anyways-high expectations and all. But remember-a cure is the best thing ever!!!!!! Focus on that and be kind to yourself. Happy Holidays!!!!! Gayle 

Hi John,

You've been through trauma and probably the biggest scare of your life. You have every right to feel depressed and angry...for a little while. It's completely natural. You can't allow it to control you though. Remember, you have been given a great gift that people who haven't had this experience can't fully appreciate. You've been given another chance to live knowing what is truly important in your life. Every breath you now take will not be taken for granted. Face it, everybody is going to die at some time and most won't know how precious each day is until it's too late to do anything about it.  You, on the other hand, have been given this opportunity to realize how valuable each minute is and thereby you can spend wisely.

3 weeks out of treatment is a very short time. My recovery took months but then things just suddenly got much better. I have adjusted to the changes in my body and can truly say that I feel better and am a better person than I was before diagnosis. Give yourself a little time to heal and be down then get up and enjoy your gift. One of the best ways to overcome that down feeling is to help others who are going through the wringer. There are a lot of folks out there who have this cancer (and others) that don't have a caregiver or anybody to care. Help them out and believe me you will feel wonderful.

Good luck!

Joe 

 

On 12/22/2007 johnp wrote:

Christmas Eve it will be 3 weeks since I completed treatment; 36 radiation sessions and 1 session (2 days) of horrible chemotherapy which hospitalized me for 3 days.  I should be grateful as I was told I have a cureable cancer (tumor base of tongue and 2 nodes), I will have my feeding tube removed Jan 18 since I am now able to eat and I have a loving caregiver.  So why am I so depressed and angry?  My mouth is really dry and I am not able to sleep more than a few hours a night.  I seem to be tired, so very tired, hungry but no appetite and angry.  God bless you all for your courage and support.

Johnp

 

 

On 12/26/2007 Defjoeb wrote:

Hi John,

You've been through trauma and probably the biggest scare of your life. You have every right to feel depressed and angry...for a little while. It's completely natural. You can't allow it to control you though. Remember, you have been given a great gift that people who haven't had this experience can't fully appreciate. You've been given another chance to live knowing what is truly important in your life. Every breath you now take will not be taken for granted. Face it, everybody is going to die at some time and most won't know how precious each day is until it's too late to do anything about it.  You, on the other hand, have been given this opportunity to realize how valuable each minute is and thereby you can spend wisely.

3 weeks out of treatment is a very short time. My recovery took months but then things just suddenly got much better. I have adjusted to the changes in my body and can truly say that I feel better and am a better person than I was before diagnosis. Give yourself a little time to heal and be down then get up and enjoy your gift. One of the best ways to overcome that down feeling is to help others who are going through the wringer. There are a lot of folks out there who have this cancer (and others) that don't have a caregiver or anybody to care. Help them out and believe me you will feel wonderful.

Good luck!

Joe 

 

Hi Believe me I know what your going through, But try to focus on the people that have cancer of any type,and cant get treatment, or children that have it,and cant even understand whats happening to them, Yes sir its easy to be angry and depressed, but there is always some else that has it worse.Ill add you to my prayers,keep the faith! JOE

Hi Defjoeb Thank you so much for this most excellent message. When I was first diagnosed, a man who has survived cancer twice, once a brain tumor when he was thirteen and then 25years later stomach cancer, told me that the day would come when I would be thankful for the experience of having cancer. At the time I thought "Well, easy for you to say, you are cured." but before long I came to the same realization that indeed this can be a very positive experience. For me it has been life altering in many wonderful ways and now as I try to pass along some of the support and information that I received when I was diagnosed, I tell others too that some day they will be grateful if they allow themselves to recognize the personal growth that can take place if they are open to it. Stay Well! Shemay_______

On 12/26/2007 Defjoeb wrote:

Hi John,

You've been through trauma and probably the biggest scare of your life. You have every right to feel depressed and angry...for a little while. It's completely natural. You can't allow it to control you though. Remember, you have been given a great gift that people who haven't had this experience can't fully appreciate. You've been given another chance to live knowing what is truly important in your life. Every breath you now take will not be taken for granted. Face it, everybody is going to die at some time and most won't know how precious each day is until it's too late to do anything about it.  You, on the other hand, have been given this opportunity to realize how valuable each minute is and thereby you can spend wisely.

3 weeks out of treatment is a very short time. My recovery took months but then things just suddenly got much better. I have adjusted to the changes in my body and can truly say that I feel better and am a better person than I was before diagnosis. Give yourself a little time to heal and be down then get up and enjoy your gift. One of the best ways to overcome that down feeling is to help others who are going through the wringer. There are a lot of folks out there who have this cancer (and others) that don't have a caregiver or anybody to care. Help them out and believe me you will feel wonderful.

Good luck!

Joe 

Hi John, I too am in a similar situation regarding diagnosis. Base of tongue with one node - 4 weeks radiation twice a day. I am now 7 weeks post treatment. The sore throat is still not gone but I can eat a bit. I am still on the tube and likely will be for a few more weeks. Re your anger and depression - your life has changed drastically and you've had a very invasive treatment pgm. Your treatment centre likely has social workers and psychiatrists on staff to help you. Use them. You'd go to your oncologist for the cancer - go to the psych. dept for help with your emotional needs. they are just as real. Getting that help will assist you in moving forward with your life. You've come3 so far so quickly. Good luck.