support

i need some help to deal with my husband who has terminal cancer. i try to keep things as normal as possible but he rages at times and he will not try to see what we are dealing with. he only sees it from his point of view. the kids and i have so many worries about our future that itis hard at times to deal with. he will not acknowledge that we are having a hard time with this also! what can i do to keep my sanity and try to hold my kids and house together? any coping tips wil be great! i am at my wits end. he does not see a problem on his end only me and the kids. the kids are 20 and 16. thanks! laura 

 

On 12/30/2007 LAURAANDMIKE wrote:

i need some help to deal with my husband who has terminal cancer. i try to keep things as normal as possible but he rages at times and he will not try to see what we are dealing with. he only sees it from his point of view. the kids and i have so many worries about our future that itis hard at times to deal with. he will not acknowledge that we are having a hard time with this also! what can i do to keep my sanity and try to hold my kids and house together? any coping tips wil be great! i am at my wits end. he does not see a problem on his end only me and the kids. the kids are 20 and 16. thanks! laura 

Laura, I am so sorry to hear about yor husband's diagnosis. I joined this support group because my 12 year old basset hound has cancer, I don't have children so he is my child. I am also a registered nurse, I deal with loss on a daily basis and it never gets easier.  Your message was in my inbox so I felt like I needed to respond.It's hard for you & I to imagine what it feels like to receive a potentially fatal diagnosis. Your husband's anger is part of denial. As "the man" in the family, he is giving up his role of protecter and provider. That has gotta be hard, maybe when he is angry you could say something like " We just want to support you in your decisions, choices, etc.." He is probably angry at the world, as would I be. Just try to be patient and understanding. Don't let his words hurt you because it is probably said out of frustration.  I will be praying for you. Karen

I just found this website and discussion group a few days ago while looking for answers to my own questions. I wish I had found it a couple of years ago. I truly emphathize with your situation. You don't mention what sort of treatment, if any, your husband is undergoing. Two-and-a-half years ago (at age 58) I was diagnosed with stage 3 bladder cancer. By the time we got to surgery, it had spread to my prostate, some of my lymph nodes, and the ureter going to my right kidney. After a successful surgery, I underwent 8 chemo treatments. During that 10 week period, I acted just terrible towards my wife. Let me just say, that under normal circumstances we have a very beautiful and loving relationship. Unfortunately, I knew what I was doing and couldn't stop myself. She claims it wasn't that bad, but I know it was.  At least it was for me. I blame it on the chemo, as well as my own insecurities about what was happening with my own body.

And I wasn't even terminal.

Last October, I was diagnosed with lung cancer, as well as bone cancer in both hips, a rib, and the base of my skull. This time it is "treatable," not curable, and for some reason I missed the nasty stage during the treatment phase of radiation and chemo.

I know how tough it must be on the kids, and I pray for your family. Just try remember the good times and understand your husband isn't really himself right now. This is a horrible disease and all of us know how it changes lives.

 

 hello there iam new to this place i was reading your post and i know what you are dealing with.. my boyfriend of 11 yrs has cancer  are kids are 16 and 12..     if you want to talk iam here... *Elsie*