So Sad

I'm 44 years old and just lost my mother to breast cancer on Dec 26th.  She was first diagnosed in 04 - had mastectomy then was on hormone therapy until Dec 06 when they found it had spread to her lungs.  She fought hard for almost a year until the other day when she passed.  I never go online for help nor am I the type of person to talk about my personal problems, but I just can't seem to get it out of my mind.  The funeral was on Monday and she had he funeral of a Monarch.  I gave her everything she would have wanted.  My mother was very particular. I can't believe she is gone. She was only 66 yrs old.  Right up to the day they released her into Hospice Care she talked about getting better so she could do more chemo.  It wasn't until 2 days before she died that she realized it was hopeless.  She never gave up and fought until her last breath.

I was at her side when she died with my daughter (10) and my husband right there.  I never thought she would die.  I thought she would live to be an old woman like my grandmother and her mother before her.

The hardest time is the morning when I wake up and realize that she isn't here.  She won't be calling me to talk about nothing.  This is the most difficult thing in my life. 

I am so sorry about your mom. I just lost someone very important in my life. It started with breast cancer too, then spread to her brain. All along we thought she would beat it, regardless of what we all read about, and kept a positive attitude. In the end, she did not make it and had a long, painful death. It was one month today that she passed. The hardest part for me, is similar to you.  In the mornings, I wake up and realize it wasn't a bad dream, yet it is true and she is not here anymore. No more phone calls to say hello, no more funny stories to share, no more memories to make, nothing but pictures to look at and reminice in my mind. She was 35.

Your mom was young to die. She still had many fun years ahead, especially being a grandma too. It must have been awful to think all this time your mom was going to conquer it, yet to realize in the end, she could not anymore. It made me annoyed when people said, "At least she is not suffereing anymore." It comes to a point when that just isn't good enough to hear anymore. However, at my friend's funeral, the priest said something that I hold onto at night and in the mornings when I cry. He said, "We cannot look at the quantity of years she had, yet focus on the quality of those years."  I hold onto that. I stop and think, she loved, she was loved back, all of her dreams came true, she just did not live long enough to enjoy them to the maximum.

Hopefully what the priest said will help you get through the many tears that you will be shedding and again, I am so sorry you lost your mom.

My prayers are with you!

My Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just before Christmas and it has such a gloomy diagnosis. It is basically one of the least survived and least treatable of cancers. My Mom is 61 with six adult children and four grandchildren and really, the rock for all of us. To see her in such agony (she has yet to undergo treatment - begins with a surgery on Jan. 7th), and not be able to do anything to help her. I cry every single day at the thought of losing her, and even though I try to remain positive and strong and encouraging...inside I am imploding!

You are at a "place" that I fear the most - in a life without Mom physically right there - and I wish to give you the biggest cyber hug that I can and offer an ear and a shoulder if you would like. Our battle here is really just beginning, and I have never prayed or cried so much in my life!

May God Bless you and your family, and try to remember that even though you can't pick up the phone to call Mom, she is still there by your side every day, and she hears your prayers. My Mom told me that she would be with me every day whether she was physically here or not (and of course, that rips your heart to shreds because we want them HERE), but when my Mom's time comes....that will be my ONLY comfort - her promise to be with me always.

 Feel free to write if you need a shoulder... (

)

Sharon

Dear Linski,

I too am 44 and just lost my brother (48) to GBM on October 28th. He lived on six short weeks after his diagnosis.  I am sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. Everyday it seems to get worse for me. Like you, you wake up every morning and relize there gone, there really gone. I was with my brother until the end those last weeks of his life and death will be with me forever. They didn't deserve to die the way they did. Cancer is ruthless and unmerciful and we are helpless against it. I still ask God everyday why? I haven't got an answer yet and I guess I never will. I look at his pictures everyday and talk to him and sometimes still can't believe he's gone until I remember those last horrifing days and it hits me, he died he really died right before my very eyes and it still seems so unreal. I wonder if we'll ever feel any better? Right now it doesn't feel that way does it?

I hope things get better for you. Our Mom's are very special people in our live's and no one can replace them. I'm worried about my Mom right now she's not doing to well with the loss of my brother, her child. I think someday I'll wake up and it will all have just been a bad dream. I will keep  you in my thoughts and prayers I know how difficult it is right now for you. Here were all going through the same nightmare.  I truely hope someone gets a happy ending I wish this on no one.

Take Care

Steve's Little Sister

dear linski,                                                                               

                  i too have to go through what you have described in the near future,my mom was diagnosed in sept lst yr with a grade 1V brain tumor.i am 28 yrs old,mom is 57.she had the majority of the tumor removed in october,which is when we(me,dad and sister)discovered a cure was not to be and the prognosis was very poor.as you must be aware we are all devestated.mom has just finished a six week course of radiotherapy.mom doesnt know the prognosis.the only reason for this is that,since her operation,to remove the tumor,she has been unable to speak.we are only just about communicating with her,she gets extrmrly frustrated at times and i cannot imagine how she feels.so how could we tell her she is dying,when she is unable to tell us how she feels or what she wants!

     her next appointment at the hospital is in 4wks,when she will know how the treatment has effected her.she has written down to my dad,that whatever the outcome she wants to know!!!!!!!!so what do we do when she knows?i really do not how to cope with this,sitting here writing this,still isnt sinking in.i feel i am writing about someone else and this just is'nt happening.

how do you say goodbye?????

Hi Linski,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  I lost my father to stomach cancer in Nov 2007 a short 6 mths after his diagnosis.  I have good days, and I have bad ones.  Sometimes in stretches.  In the bad stretches, I do lots of crying, and I'm very tired.  I have to literally motivate myself to do anything and everything.  In the good ones, I remember my daddy when he was well and active in my life. I get through each day with renewed hope for the future. And I can think of these things without being sad.  It hasn't become easier to deal with in the short time that he's been gone, but you learn to work around it.  My daddy's numbers are still programmed into my cell phone.  His toiletry bag from when he would visit me (I live in a different state) is still in my guest bathroom. I'm 30, and I still feel like a little kid sometimes, because I never thought I'd see the day when I lost someone that meant so much to me. His physical abscence is a gaping hole that is only sometimes able to feel not so gaping. Try to remain strong, and keep your head up.  We can never replace the loved ones we've lost, but I try to pull myself out of my dark place sometimes by remembering that my dad would have wanted me to not remember him for his illness and death, but to remember him for who we was and still is to me-  My daddy......God bless you.