My Mother Passed Away

Multiple Myeloma sucks! Plain and simple. The doctors told my mom that there is no cure for her cancer but that they can treat it... just like diabetes they said. WRONG! Less than one year after she was diagnosed; she passed away. I just buried her today. She was only 55. She left 3 beautiful grandbabies, 3 children who loved her very much and a husband who's lost without his "sussy". Her body was soooooooo weak from trying to fight this stupid crap. She had had a stem cell transplant last fall and things got worse instead of better. And the only bit of comfort I have is that she went peacefully and surrounded by all who loved her. I miss her so much. It hurts soooooooooo so bad. I cried for two weeks straight when she was diagnosed I can't imagine what this is going to be like. We live in Rochester, MN. Home of the world famous Mayo clinic. People come from all around the world to get treated here. And they couldn't treat my mom. Her doctors were absolutely baffled as to what was going on inside her body. I'm not angry with them. They in fact took excellent care of her. I'm just saying that every person is different and we all respond in different ways. If you or your loved one is cursed by this dreadful disease then hold them dear, put every kiss in your heart, take lots of pictures and treasure every moment becuz the statistics may say that patients can live for 3 to 5 years and maybe even longer, but this is one nasty cancer that has twists and turns and rears it's ugly head when you're not expecting it.

I won't try to tell you anything to make your pain go away because words won't make your mom come back to life. I admire you for the way you are handling it. Take care of each other and make every day count.

When I saw the date of your email I had to write. My husband was diagnosed with MM April 22, 03 our lives changed forever. He had just turn 57 and is having to retire because he can no longer keep working. The cancer has devasted his body. When we found out about the cancer the diagnoses was no cure and terminal he had may 3 yrs. From what the doctors said he had this cancer 6mos. to a year before diagnoses. And there were signs that something was wrong but never thought cancer. He had a stem cell transplant Sept. 18, 03 and as of Sept. 16,04 he went into remission but the stem cell doctor says that can change at any moment. So even though he went into remisson which we had all prayed for they crushed out hopes that this nightmare would end. He is in constant pain and takes thalidomide which is the only thing keeping him alive but can lead to other cancers but so can all the chemo treatment he had. His memory is not what it used to be. He suffered some kidney damage because of the cancer. He often says if he could have a new spine he would feel fine because there is where all the pain is. But he says he hurts from head to toe.So yes this is an awful disease and to watch someone you love suffer like this is awful. Our youngest daughter is in Japan and this has been really awful for her being so far from home. But her husband will be getting out of the Air Force in June and hopefully will get to be closer. Anyway I'm so sorry about your Mom she and my husband are both to young to have to die like this. We've been married 32 and looking forward to retirement and travel now who nows. Life is so uncertain and it is true about ever moment being precious.

Sincerely,
Shelia E.

I feel so bad for your husband. I know the pain that you as a loved go through watching him in pain. When we first found out that mom had cancer we were devestated then when we found out that it was multiple myeloma we were perplexed and wanting to learn more. The doctors gave us so much hope. They told us about all of the advances in treating this cancer. And to be honest, we never thought she was going to die. She had the stem cell transplant and she breezed through it so well. She was not nearly as sick as they said she was going to get so we took that as a really good sign. At day 100 after her transplant they said that her results were funny. That the m spike was good but that the light chain was out of wack. Then they discovered 3 tumors that were rapidly growing. And one of them was againist her spine. Again, the doctors were still giving us lots of hope that she was gonna get better. Then she contracted a fungal infection in her lungs and she would get a blood transfusion on a Monday morning and need another one by Tuesday. I believe that her body was just so weak from all of the chemo and infections that she just couldn't fight anymore. It sucked so badly to watch her fight, to watch her take 30 pills a day just to live. A friend of mine whom I don't see often recently found out that her dad has multiple myeloma and I don't have the heart to even call her. She knows my mom died and she's absolutely devestated as well. I seriously wish the best for your husband. I'm finding out things now that my mom never told me. She knew that her cancer wasn't responding to treatment and that it was very aggressive. If your daughter can get to be with your husband I would strongly suggest it. There were so many things that my family planned to do with my mom that we didn't have enough time and that hurts so bad. My mom and dad just celebrated 35 years on the 11th of April and then mom died on the 19th. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to bring you down. I know that it's not what you want to hear. But to be honest I don't think that even the most expirienced doctors know what to do. They just treat based on trials. Half of the stuff that they were putting into my moms body wasn't even fully approved by the FDA. They say it's such a rare disease but more and more I'm finding out about people who have this. My thoughts are with your husband, you and your family. Hang in there and help him to keep fighting.

Heather

I feel so bad for your husband. I know the pain that you as a loved go through watching him in pain. When we first found out that mom had cancer we were devestated then when we found out that it was multiple myeloma we were perplexed and wanting to learn more. The doctors gave us so much hope. They told us about all of the advances in treating this cancer. And to be honest, we never thought she was going to die. She had the stem cell transplant and she breezed through it so well. She was not nearly as sick as they said she was going to get so we took that as a really good sign. At day 100 after her transplant they said that her results were funny. That the m spike was good but that the light chain was out of wack. Then they discovered 3 tumors that were rapidly growing. And one of them was againist her spine. Again, the doctors were still giving us lots of hope that she was gonna get better. Then she contracted a fungal infection in her lungs and she would get a blood transfusion on a Monday morning and need another one by Tuesday. I believe that her body was just so weak from all of the chemo and infections that she just couldn't fight anymore. It sucked so badly to watch her fight, to watch her take 30 pills a day just to live. A friend of mine whom I don't see often recently found out that her dad has multiple myeloma and I don't have the heart to even call her. She knows my mom died and she's absolutely devastated as well. I seriously wish the best for your husband. I'm finding out things now that my mom never told me. She knew that her cancer wasn't responding to treatment and that it was very aggressive. If your daughter can get to be with your husband I would strongly suggest it. There were so many things that my family planned to do with my mom that we didn't have enough time and that hurts so bad. My mom and dad just celebrated 35 years on the 11th of April and then mom died on the 19th. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to bring you down. I know that it's not what you want to hear. But to be honest I don't think that even the most expirienced doctors know what to do. They just treat based on trials. Half of the stuff that they were putting into my moms body wasn't even fully approved by the FDA. They say it's such a rare disease but more and more I'm finding out about people who have this. My thoughts are with your husband, you and your family. Hang in there and help him to keep fighting.

Heather

Dear Heather, Thank you for answering I know how hard this must be for you lossing your Mom. The doctors in my husbands case were nothing but upfront about the diagnosis and the prognosis and none of it was good. We were in shock. They have said all along hope for the best and prepare for the worst. He had 400 hrs. of chemo one week a month he was admitted to the hospital and administered a 24hr drip. The amount of medicine he was then put on and is still on was staggering and the cost well you know. Then the stem cell transplant was another nightmare because they couldn't even guarantee he would survive that. But he did and has been in remission for a year and a half. I am constantly on the internet looking for any new info about new drugs but I think that from what the doctors say and from what I've seem my husband go through that
sometimes these drugs do more harm than good. He has been very brave about this but sometimes he has some depression but I will say that I used to wonder what I would do if this happened to me and at first my thought was give me whatever it takes but now I don't know. I have seen to many people good friends and family devistated by cancer and so few survive but it's a live changing experience that will always be with you. I truly know of at least 5 of my friends all with different forms of cancer and several people that my husband works with. I lost 2 uncles and 3 cousin to cancer so I know now more than ever that this moment is what counts and when I wake up in the morning and that is as far as I plan. I am sad at the thought that my partner of 32 years may not be around for our 50th and to see his future grandchildren as we have none yet.

Blessings to you and your family. May you all stay strong and love each other more everyday.

Shelia

Shelia,
I felt the same way that you do about all of the drugs that they were filling my mom up with. I just didn't get the chance to tell her. I was in the process of researching alternatives to fighting this cancer when mom died. And that's so true about the drugs doing more harm than good. I know that the doctors are doing the only things they know how, but seriously would they put all of that crap into their own bodies? My mom was taking oxycontin and oxycodon for pain and the dex which is a steroid among other things. And her doctors told her not to worry about becoming addicted to that stuff. Mom had all of the signs of becoming addicted, she was having to up her dosages becuz the pain was so unbearable yet her doctors couldn't feel what she felt. How would they know? Sometimes I sound so angry with her doctors but I don't blame them. They are only human and they don't have the cure-all. I just wish they wouldn't have "sugar coated" everything. They kept telling us that Mayo clinic specializes in new advances on this type of cancer and that information we read on it is usually old news. So not to go by that. So we believed them that they were going to put her cancer into remission.

You are right by saying that there's a lot of people that you know affected by cancer. When I was younger it seemed to me that when people got cancer it was terminal no matter what. My grandmother had cancer and died when I was very young. But she had lung cancer from smoking and using lots and lots of aerosol hairspray. So I went on for a long time without anyone else I know having cancer. And then my mom was diagnosed and now it seems like wherever I turn I'm finding out about somebody else having it. Maybe I didn't take much notice of it before. But in this day and age our lives in some way can not go unaffected by it, I swear. I told my sister that I don't wanna die at such a young age like my mom did. She was the very first person that I've been close with to die. I've had other family members or people I know pass away and all of them weren't as close to me as my mom. My family is VERY close. My dad, sister, brother and I work together and my youngest daughter comes to work with me. Besides that we always do stuff together. I mean always. We all used to live within a mile of each other but my parents and sister moved to the other side of town and that's not even that far away. So it's been really hard on all of us. It will be coming up on one month that she's been gone and I had never even gone one day without talking to her on the phone or seeing her in person. That's the hardest thing to get over. My sister got married this past weekend and we had a great time but we knew and felt mom was missing. It was an emotional time.

You sound like a strong person to me and that you really care about your husband. Alls you can do is be there for him. Or be there with him. I know how you wish so badly that you can take away all of his hurt and make it better. I sincerely hope that he pulls through this and that the two of you have another 32 years of marriage together. I don't know what I would do if my husband were in this situation. I now pray everyday that I never have to go through anything like this again. I know that I will get through this, but I can not have another person this close to me die for another 30 years. This is the worst pain I have ever felt. On Sunday the hospital where my mom died is having a memorial in the church for her. And although I am not a religious person I will pray for your husband. He needs all the prayers he can get. Don't forget to take care of yourself too.

Heather

My mother passed away a week ago today. She had Mm and was diagnosed 6 years ago. She fought a very hard and LONG battle. She had many hurdles from broken bones to chemo and radiation treatments. I am the only child and I lived 2000 miles away from her. I am sitting in her chair now in her home and about to go back to Seattle on Thursday. I have much more work to do with her house. I am getting my strength somewhere (I believe God) as I saw her suffer sooooooo much and have soooooo much pain. She told me she was ready to pass and she spent her last week in a hospice with angels. I gave her "permission" to go telling her I would be okay. I beleieve she still here. I can't touch any longer but I still feel her and have heard her voice once. This has been the MOST difficult thing I have yet to deal with. She was 71 and I am a 45 year-old male cop. Emotionally I am still a weck and break out crying like a little boy. I know that she is no longer suffering and the docs did their best with a horrible cancer. Mom did not give up easily. She now gives me the energy and fortitude to go forward. I beleive she fought for me, that she didnt want to go ntil she knew I was ready. I held her hand and told her it was all right. I feel an inner peace Ive never felt before. Yeah this sucks. Really sucks. We have to go on. My prayers are with you. David

My heart goes out to everyone who has loss someone to this dreadful disease. My Mom passed away on August 6, 2003. She was diagnosed in June of 2003(stage 3). I believe she had the disease well before then. A few months before diagnosis, she complained of back pain but we had no idea of the cause. We went to a few local doctors. We were beginning to think it was a problem with a disc in her back but later the doctors informed us of the blood test results and referred us to a specialist who confirmed the findings. Things went sooooo fast. The next week, she entered the hospital for four days for blood transfusions and chemo. It was sooo tough to witness. She was sooo weak. The month of July was better. It appeared as though she was on the road to recovery. But, God called her home the next month. The last time I talked with her was August 3rd. She sounded soooo happy. Her last words to me were, "I LOVE YOU". Her passing was a TOTAL shock. I still feel "NUM". I mean even after the diagnosis, I felt as though we could beat the disease. I meditated and prayed everynight for her recovery. But, GOD knows best. It's very difficult now without her. But she's gone home and is pain free. Sometimes I get depressed, but I try to think positive and have fun because I know she would want me to be happy. The experience and her spirit have made me to REALLY want to make a difference in life. I TRULY loved and adored my mom. She is with me with spirit and I'll see her again someday.

I really thank all of you for sharing your stories. I know it helps to read them knowing that I am not alone but it is still so hard. I think about my mom every day. Some days are better than others. I don't cry every day but like on Monday it was my daughters bday and it was her first one w/o my mom here. And if that's not enough my dad always signs the cards with both his and mom's name on it. So I've been crying a lot these last couple of days. I just miss my mom so much. I really hope that what you say is true that I will get to see her again someday. I'm not exactly a religous person and have never really prayed or put faith in God. But I have to believe that my mom is in heavan and that she is watching over us. I just don't understand why she died though. She had so many things planned for this year that I know she wouldn't have wanted to miss any of them. On the day that she died she had lost oxygen for 8 minutes and was intubated. The doctors said she was already gone but I believed she heard me cuz I held her and told her I loved her and I told her it was okay for her to go now and that I was going to be okay. But I lied to her cuz I'm not okay. Not in the least bit. She took her last breath with all of her family by her side and it was the saddest thing. We all walked out of that room and our lives had to go on but hers ended and I'm just not okay with it. I know that she's not in pain anymore but I would have taken her every day with pain for the rest of my life then have to live every day of my life without her.

I too think that my mom had her cancer way before she was ever diagnosed. She had all of this unexplained pain. The doctors told her it was fibromylasia and they sent to her a support group. That was 4 years ago. Then she kept telling us that the pain was so bad that she couldn't sleep at night and we kept telling her to go back to her doctor. But she was so stubborn and also afraid that they were going to give her bad news. She was right. But her doctors gave us so much hope. They told her that although there is no cure for multiple myeloma it can be treated. Just like diabetes is how one doctor put it. So when mom did a clinical study and the cancer went into partial remission we were so happy. And she breezed through the stem cell transplant. She hardly got sick and didn't go through any of the bad crap like they said she was going to. So our outlook was very optomistic. My sister and brother started planning their weddings, my parents planned trips, we were looking toward a future with mom in it. Then all of a sudden things started going wacky on her tests. And she started having pain and limited movement in her arms. We found out that she had 3 tumors rapidly growing in her body. Then she got really sick and before we knew it she died. This disease is so brutal. I feel like the last few months of her life were filled with so many bad memories. That's not the way I want to remember my mom. My kids had no idea what was going on becuz I just kept telling them that their Nana was sick and we were working to get her better. And then I had to go and tell my 6 year old that one of the persons she loved most in this world was gone. That's messed up. And now here I am, struggling to live each day with this incredibly sad and broken heart.