Honesty Needed! Please Help! Desperate For Advice

I am 23 years old,I have a little family (my husband,myself,and newly, our daughter). My father was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago.They gave him both radiation and chemo.The tumors have shrunk,but not gone,and while they ran the PET,found 6 spots of cancer on his liver.To boot this situation it's in lymph nodes,not sure which or where.Oh and I forgot to mention he also has cancer in his esophagus that I believe they said isn't even curable ( at least in his situation)so I guess this dosen't look good huh? He is in his mid 60's and has had quadruple bi-pass,is diabetic,and often "not feeling well" even before ALL THESE DIAGNOSIS! SOMEONE TELL ME AN HONEST ANSWER OF HOW LONG I PROBABLY HAVE WITH HIM.I have work, live 3 1/2 hours away.I know that sounds selfish and believe me I don't disagree,but I hate feeling guilty when I still have a family to help support.I just want a realistic time frame so I can do what I can.Thanks everyone who reads this and replies,even though you're strangers,I can't express to you how valuable support and honesty is. I will take as much time from a job as needed for him,he's my world.

Hi

I was a caregiver for 4.5 years ...my son died aged 20 after a very brave fight against his C  ...whilst isolated to the primary site he had chances & options ...once it spread & in his case to the liver he only got 3 months ...the last 5 weeks of which were particularly hard, but I won't go into that ....I'm no expert I only have the knowledge of my son's experience  but what  I would say is this: no matter how long or short your father's time is it cannot be reclaimed once he is gone ...you will get only 1 chance to do this and you will live with that choice for many years to come . . my son &  my choices were easy for me  ...when told it was BACK! I put my coat on & walked out of my work & never went back ...my household income 1/2'd right there & then . . . bills still the same going out . . . but I have no regrets on this front ...that time with my darling son could not be purchased with a lottery win and though my whole family struggled as a result of this and to a degree are still suffering ...money may make the world go round, you sure can't do much without it ...but love  ! My son!  Your Dad!   . . . .

that in-depth time has now to last me the remainder of my life time and I cherish every single second of every day that I had with him ...I replay them over & over . . .  sometimes I cry sometimes I laugh ....but know this dear  friend life is not a dress rehearsal and you will need to listen to your heart  . . hope this helps ..take care

Take care

I lost my father 0n November 8,2007. He was diagnosed 6-13-06 with stage four brain cancer. I have 5 children and a wonderful husband, I had justed started going back to school to further my education. When this happened I put my life on hold, my parents live 21/2 hours away and his hospital was 3 1/2 hours away.Every hospital stay he had I went and supported my mother, and father. You can never get time back, and I have no regrets it has not been easy but it was worth it. My dad to was my world he never let me down. Be there and tell him every thought in your head and heart, because some day you will not be able to. Take the time you have and grasp it like it will be the last. Even after 15 months I wasn't ready not to have a dad and I would hve given anything for more time.

Brenda

Holdingon,

I am sorry about your Dad.  His situation does not sound very optimistic.  You are getting good advice about staying with him throughout his care.  I wanted to make a couple of points, though.  First, it is OK to think about how this is going to impact you and your husband and child.  You also have responsibilities there and you won't be much use to your Dad if you are a physical and nervous wreck due to not taking care of yourself and home.  It will be a challenge to balance all thise demands, but don't feel guilty for thinking about yourself once in a while. This is from a once-sick guy with a daughter.  Second, your Dad and you have a RIGHT to understanding about his case.  Unfortunately, no one can tell you exactly what will happen.  These boards are full of stories about folks living long past what was predeicted and recovering when the end looked grim.  Sometimes, the end comes sooner than the doctors think.  Doctors, like anyone else, don't like to give bad news, so sometimes you have to work it out of them.  I have literally stood between the doctor and the door and said, "This meeting is not over until I understand what is going on!"  Fortunately, most Doc's will go the extra mile to answer questions, etc.  Don't hesitate to casll your Dad's doctors' offices and say, "I live 3 hours awy and I need some information."  I bet they will call youi back- your Dad may have to consent because of privacy laws, though.  Last, there is all sorts of help out there, from this organization to the American Cancer Society, to local groups.  Reach out and they will respond.

Eric