Hello, friend. (I'm not sure what your first name is or I'd use it.)
You are the first person I've ever written to on a chat line and it was so nice to hear back from you so quickly. If there's anything I've learned from this cancer it's that it makes all the difference to go through it with someone by and on your side. Feel free to use me as a sounding board if you need to unload, be honest, whatever. Oaky?
I've been really fortunate to have a husband who has always been my best friend and best listener. He didn't want to talk about the cancer in the beginning, though, because it was so scarey for him.
But, I needed to talk and I told him I needed to be able to talk about it with him like I would any other problem. I told him I didn't want him to be afraid of my illness and treat me differently. It made a big difference. I don't want to talk about it all the time either anymore. But, when I need to share that I'm scared once in awhile or sad or mad, he's able to hear it and be there for me.
Luckily, I don't seem ill at all, so even though everyone knows, everyone in the little rural town we've lived in for 4 years treats me with less concern (the awful "how are you feeling?") and more regular friendship and conversation. It's so good to know people care, but, like you, I don't want to feel like the poster girl for cancer. I'm still ME and the cancer can't take that away!
You sound like you're feeling a little better in your mind about everything. Be optimistic. Do whatever needs to be done legally and financially, write down whatever you want people to know if you can't tell them later. Then just go with the flow, do whatever you can to heal yourself, and remind yourself that you DO have control over how you chose to react to the cancer.
Enjoy whatever you can about each day. Sounds like Pollyana or denial or something, but it really is not. It's as much reality that you can see a beautiful sunset, eat something tasty, laugh at "America's Funniest Home Videos" or whatever is fun for you today as it was before. You may have burdens to carry now that weren't there before and that can be rough for periods of time. But the beauty the humor the fun is still there - just don't block it out. Laugh whenever you can. Rent movies that made you laugh before. It really, really helps and is healthy for you, too.
Glad to know you! Good luck with all the medical stuff. If family members seem to want to help and don't know what to do, tell them that bringing laughter and happiness into your day is the greatest gift they can give right now. Ask them to tell you a joke, send you a funny cartoon, watch a funny movie with you. Remind them you need to get your emotions and mind back on track and need to forget cancer and doctors once in a while. You are still YOU!
Leslie