How Do You Cope ?

I have alway been so close to my Father,  Whenever he has a problem I always seem to sort it .  But not this time.  My Father has been on a long journey so far , un diagnosed upper bowel cancer, advanced secondry liver cancer and now Stomach cancer.  I have been to every appointment and treatment session . Enduring with him the highs and the lows but now i feel i am failing my Father as I am struggling to cope.  I live two hours away from my parents home, have 3 children, a wonderful husband , lots of pets and a home which is being transformed to include a granny annexe (for my Mother when the dreaded dead is complete).  My Father came to me for Christmas but was ill with excessive vomitting which I thought was the chemo, but as the sickness continued it suddenly became apparent there was another more sinister problem.  He was then admitted to Hospital had further tests which showed his bowel was completely blocked therefore he could no longer eat or drink, the bombshell was dropped to a very alert man.  I always thought at this stage you were probably in and out of sleep( I have learned something myself ) My Father was not ready to die just yet. We were all clutching at straws looking for another option, the options to us were now becoming limited.  We were then offered a stent , it would make a gap in the tumor so Dad could eat a simply diet of soup and jelly .  We took this option and Dad had the Operation today .  He is very sore but we pray he can come home and have a couple of months with some quality of life.  I have sobbed all day but writing this article has been rather cathartic for me.  Please if anyone can tell me how to cope I would be grateful.

Regards Gail (England)

P.S  My Dads care in hospital has been super, people actually care and could see that my Father even though he could not eat or drink was not ready to be sent home to die.

Hi Gail

I am also in England, my husband was diagnosed with inoperable stomach cancer in May 2007. He had a stent inserted and it worked well for about 8 weeks allowing him to eat and drink he even put some weight back on. He has since had the stent replaced (or rather another inserted because they dont take the original out) 3 times. He had 9 weeks of chemo but unfortunatley it did not shrink the tumour.

He found having the stent replaced traumatic and each time it took him a few days to recover.

At the moment he eats very small amounts, he has had all sorts of food/drink supplements from the GP but prefers proper food. I make him smoothies with full cream milk, thick and creamy yogurt and banana. Lots of calories

If i can give you any more help i am here

Hi to my English Friend,

Thank you for replying to my message about Stomach cancer.  When I wrote my message I said my Fathers bowel was completely blocked I actually meant his stomach.

Your information was very helpful . Would you mind me asking what age your Husband is ?  My Father is 72 years young this month. 

I made my two hour journey yesterday to visit him to find him rather agitated at the fact he was having to eat mushed food but he did enjoy the jelly and icecream.  He was also rather sore where the stent had been inserted.

Has your Husband got cancer anywere else ?.

My Father was diagnosed in September and hasn't really left the house since.  He has had two lots of chemo, and tablet form chemo which obviously has done nothing his cancer.

My Father tends to think eventually he will be able to eat normal food, I am sure that is not the case.  Did your Husband graduate to eating things like Sandwiches ? I told my Father I think you will only be able to eat small things that will go through the tube easily. 

I think my Father must be suffereing from terminal agitation, because he knows all the facts but I think he also drifts into some form of denial about the illness.  Then on the other hand he is the most alert on his ward and watches the patients that come and go.  He told me yesterday that the man who was now opposite had been moved closer to the door because he was on his way out.  I find it very hard to work out how his mind is working .  When he was told Tuesday night that his stomach was completely blocked , I rushed back to see him, he hugged me and told me that I had to be strong, so he seemed to know the scoe then.  Perhaps some of the behaviour is normal , I just don't know.

I do hope you are coping and if I can be any help to you don't hesitate to ask.

Thanks Gail . 

Hi Gale,

So sorry to hear about your dad's condition. Our stories are very similar..My 73 yr. old father was diagnosed with stage IV esophageal cancer 12/18/07. I live two hours from his house and I am trying to continue to be the best mother, wife, daughter, and teacher that I can be while trying to help my parents as much as possible. As hearbroken as I am (and torn between responsibilities) I count it a privilege to be able to do the few things that I have been able to do for my dad. My parents have given me a lifetime of love and support so this is the very least I can do.

I have read as much as I can possibly get my hands. The behaviors you described may be something called chemo fog or chemo head. I haven't had any personal experience with it but you may want to look it up.

I will keep you and your father in my prayers.