Is My Sister Denys Dying/ To Cath/Poppy

Hello my friend,

My parent are still with my sister .  She is still  in tremendous pain now it as also moved to her back.  As I have explained Monday starts the new "cocktail.

Cath, Denys doesn't want any of her brothers and sisters to go down to Tampa???.  I cried my heart out, telling my parents that I took leave on two occasions to be her caregiver and saw her at the worst.  From what my parents are telling me she is still in so much pain, now allot of the  pain is in her back. My mom says she is hardly eating at all and went out to get her ensure.  Cath, I was asked by a friend of my sister's that if I don't get a chance to see her and the inevitable takes place can I find closure not seeing her again.  At first I hesitated because she is my big sister but! I quess I have no choice.  I don't want to burden or have my sister worry that she needs my approval when she doesn't want any visitor's or she is ready to just "have peace".  My Dad says it is like an animal when it feels sick it just wants to crawl under the sofa or somewhere private and be left alone.  I respect and love my sister soooooooooooooooooomuch, my heart is breaking and I can't hold the tear's back........I don't know what I will do if my Big sister passes away.

It was also suggested that I write Denys a letter. Cath can you help me?I

I am not really good with words but she is my big Sister the oldest and when I was like 16 I used to hang around with her we are 8 yrs apart..  I actually had the best memories of my life with Denys. Denys is my twin. We used to kid around like we were patty and cathy of the patty duke show, do you know that show?

MY mom I quess is coming to her own realizations.  She called me to say that Denys wants to be cremated and this will take place on Long Island , NY where all the rest of my brothers and sisters live and most of Denys friend of 40ys.  Monday she will begin the Chemo .

I really don't know what else to say but THANKS VERY MUCH< FROM T
HE BOTTM OF MY HEART! Still keeping the faith

Susan
 i

 

I

I am going to be brave, she would be happy if I could do this.  I find is very hard. I was always a late bloomer in life. I did not mensutate untilll 16 and lost it at 30.  I was never able to have children .  If the new chemo doesn't work which is still sheduled for Monday I need to

Dearest Susan, I have replied to you by 'private reply' on your last message and now I've found this one.  You are so mixed up, not knowing what is the 'right' thing to do.  Susan, there is no 'right' answer. You must do what you feel that YOU need to do.  If you go to her, she may not even know that you are there - but you will BE there.  Your parents may benefit from your support at this time.  But if you want to write, you can do that too.  I think that remembering the good times of your past together is a great place to start -- once you start writing I'm sure that the memories will flow -- and when you do this it can be amazing the funny things that come backI I once wrote to a friend who was in the last stages of liver cancer -- I couldn't go to visit her as we lived too far away and didn't have the money to travel -- but I wrote three pages of fond memories and her daughter told me that her mom had laughed and laughed when the letter was read to her, for it brought back the joys of our times of motherhood together. The letter had acted as a catalyst for her mother to then talk to the daughter about many things they had never spoken of before, and the daughter thanked me for opening this window of opportunity for they were able to share things that might otherwise have never been said.  So, to conclude, this is about YOU and how you can make this time special for you both.  If Denys's pain is so terrible, then the hospice should be a real consideration, for their whole purpose is to make whatever life she has left as pain free and pleasant as possible -- and they can do it. Do what is right for you - in your heart - not just because someone else says that you should.  I know that you will make the right decisions - for you, Denys, and your parents.  God be with you all, love, Cath

Poppy gave you excellent advice.  I would personally fly in  and just pop in to see my sister as you need that closure. You don't have to talk or anything but just seeing her will help you.  I know how she feels as I was in her position, with that much pain, unable to eat, my spine was eaten away and the nerves endings scream at you(I was end stage in kidney failure and mets)..That is why she does not want visitors. One cannot imagine the energy it takes to talk and communicate when you are like that.  I had a husband that ran interference, but in my case I survived...so if you can just drop by without any talking it may help but youand your parents have to work that out.  Your sisters reserves are at zero and half the time she will be confused.  I know I was.  When my husband came to the hospital he had our friends with him, not for me but for him..I just lay there and said I am taking my pain pills. All the best and pray for  strength to get thru this MMS

On 1/12/2008 Bayshore wrote:

Hello my friend,

My parent are still with my sister .  She is still  in tremendous pain now it as also moved to her back.  As I have explained Monday starts the new "cocktail.

Cath, Denys doesn't want any of her brothers and sisters to go down to Tampa???.  I cried my heart out, telling my parents that I took leave on two occasions to be her caregiver and saw her at the worst.  From what my parents are telling me she is still in so much pain, now allot of the  pain is in her back. My mom says she is hardly eating at all and went out to get her ensure.  Cath, I was asked by a friend of my sister's that if I don't get a chance to see her and the inevitable takes place can I find closure not seeing her again.  At first I hesitated because she is my big sister but! I quess I have no choice.  I don't want to burden or have my sister worry that she needs my approval when she doesn't want any visitor's or she is ready to just "have peace".  My Dad says it is like an animal when it feels sick it just wants to crawl under the sofa or somewhere private and be left alone.  I respect and love my sister soooooooooooooooooomuch, my heart is breaking and I can't hold the tear's back........I don't know what I will do if my Big sister passes away.

It was also suggested that I write Denys a letter. Cath can you help me?I

I am not really good with words but she is my big Sister the oldest and when I was like 16 I used to hang around with her we are 8 yrs apart..  I actually had the best memories of my life with Denys. Denys is my twin. We used to kid around like we were patty and cathy of the patty duke show, do you know that show?

MY mom I quess is coming to her own realizations.  She called me to say that Denys wants to be cremated and this will take place on Long Island , NY where all the rest of my brothers and sisters live and most of Denys friend of 40ys.  Monday she will begin the Chemo .

I really don't know what else to say but THANKS VERY MUCH< FROM T
HE BOTTM OF MY HEART! Still keeping the faith

Susan
 i

 

I

I am going to be brave, she would be happy if I could do this.  I find is very hard. I was always a late bloomer in life. I did not mensutate untilll 16 and lost it at 30.  I was never able to have children .  If the new chemo doesn't work which is still sheduled for Monday I need to

 

Susan, my heart goes out to you. I have just been through all that as you know. At this stage it is horrible for everyone involved. During my husband's passing the whole family was there. I was holding his hand and telling him how much I loved him. My adult children were also at his bedside. I don't think I would've wanted it any other way. He was on a ventilator so he couldn't really say what he wanted. During this time ine critical care he would wave everyone out on occassion. Unfortunately with this disease there comes a time when enough is enough. There were times when I couldn't even look at him because of the struggle in his eyes. His arms were restrained so he couldn't pull the ventilator off. He also got to see all his grandchildren and during this time period he came off the ventilator for 7 hours. He was such a fighter. I am so glad I was there for his final moments. I can't say it is getting easier because it will never be the same without him. At least he is not suffering anymore and I am thankfull for that. We who are left behind will forever suffer from our loss. My suggestion to you is to go and give her all the love you can and when it is her time give her permission to go and tell her you will be all right, This will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever go through in your life.Be strong for her and your love for her. Miracles do happen. Only God knows when it's time. It's in his hands now.

Linda

Susan, my heart goes out to you. I have just been through all that as you know. At this stage it is horrible for everyone involved. During my husband's passing the whole family was there. I was holding his hand and telling him how much I loved him. My adult children were also at his bedside. I don't think I would've wanted it any other way. He was on a ventilator so he couldn't really say what he wanted. During this time ine critical care he would wave everyone out on occassion. Unfortunately with this disease there comes a time when enough is enough. There were times when I couldn't even look at him because of the struggle in his eyes. His arms were restrained so he couldn't pull the ventilator off. He also got to see all his grandchildren and during this time period he came off the ventilator for 7 hours. He was such a fighter. I am so glad I was there for his final moments. I can't say it is getting easier because it will never be the same without him. At least he is not suffering anymore and I am thankfull for that. We who are left behind will forever suffer from our loss. My suggestion to you is to go and give her all the love you can and when it is her time give her permission to go and tell her you will be all right, This will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever go through in your life.Be strong for her and your love for her. Miracles do happen. Only God knows when it's time. It's in his hands now.

Linda