Shannons Gone

Shannon passed away on friday the 11th at 430 in the afternoon. we had a doctor come over at noon and she thought she was looking okay and that she didnt need a blood transfusion(lab results were good). that brought her spirits up as the few days before were quite rough. Then we had homecare come over at 2 in the afternoon to see us and check on her. Shannons spirits were great cause she wanted to go to her moms house and stay there for the final month or weeks that she had left as she didnt want to die in our home. we were watching tv together and she thought that she was going to throw up. I grabbed a tupperware container and she started throwing up blood. i phoned the ambulance and by the time we started driving she was gone. no spouse should ever have to see that happen. I just thank god my little one was at my moms. I have to move as i cant get the picture out of my head of her shaking and the blood on the carpetwhen i sit in our living room.i know this is graphic but thats what happened. I am catholic but not a practicing one and shannon wasnt catholic There is lots of talk about faith on this site and I understand peoples views but I dont see how this is justified yes I knew this was comming but young people aren't suppose to die. Old people die after fulfiilling there life. It s been a long two years since she was initially diagnosed with colon cancer and I am glad there is no more pain cause the pain people have is crazy the amount of medicine and pills i dumped out was amazing. I hope she is in a better place and alyssa and i went for a walk to the park tonight to see her star and say goodnight. Thank you all for your support over the last few months.

I miss my wife

mike

 

Mike-So sorry Shannon is gone.  I understand your anger because it just isn't fair to watch the people we love suffer the indignities of cancer.  If there are blessings to be found it would be that she was feeling positive about how things were going, and that the kids weren't home.  I'm just really sorry it had to be so traumatic for you, and in your home.  I have mixed feelings about being at home because of the memories, so Shannon's plan to be at her Mom's was a good one, but like so many of our expectations, didn't come to be.  Part of why I try not to have expectations (not an easy task)-is they just leave me angry when they are unfulfilled.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers, and see your family and home surrounded and filled with healing light.  I hope you and your children find comfort in one another in the days to come.     

Dear Mike,

      I am so,so sorry. I am sorry for you and your daughter and that you were robbed of a lifetime with Shannon. I am glad that she is not fighting the beast anymore.

  I understand your doubts. I pray every night but I get angry with God sometimes. I don't know why people have to suffer. I hope maybe one day we all will understand. Right now, with all the sadness around me it just seems like life sucks and then you die. But I will keep praying because I must believe there is a better place and your Shannon and my brother are there.

  One day I know you and Alyssa will go to Disney and I know Shannon will be there with you both.

  Please know there are people on this board that care about you and Alyssa. If you need to "talk" we are here. Please take care,

                                                                                      Pat

Mike,

I don't write much, but read the site daily.  I was immediately sad when I saw your post.  I am so sorry for your and Alyssa's loss.  I wish I could say the magic words to make your pain go away, but we all know there are no magic words.  Take care of eachother.

-Becky

Mike

 I also do not post often, but wanted u to know that u and Alyssa are in my thoughts.  I wish I could say more, but just know that everyone here supports u and Alyssa!  I have to say that ur ability to say exactly how u feel is wonderful and will help u heal.  Continue to talk about it and say how u feel...It's good for u and Alyssa!!

 

Megan

Mike - I read your post a couple of days ago and didn't respond because I just couldn't find the words.  As you may remember, I lost my Dad to the first round of chemo for his stage IV EC in June.  I did consider it divine intervention to make certain he did not have to endure the end stage of this disease.  Since then, other wonderful warriors whose stories I've been following and loved ones I had written to have had to succumb to this hideous disease.  Each and every time that has happened, it hits me hard and I am overcome with grief but always able to write to the loved one left behind.  I seem to take it personally some how - you see, I realize I am still in this war with this BEAST and those still here and fighting are part of my war.  I want so desperately for these wonderful warriors to win!!!!!  Anyone, everyone, WIN!!!  LIVE!!! BEAT THIS BEAST!!!  My God, we can go to moon, isolate a gene, divide a cell, clone things - why then can't we cure this cancer!!!  Anyway, when I read your post, it just deflated me.  I felt drained in this fight and didn't know what to say to you Mike.  There is, of course, no right thing to say, is there.   I will say this though.  So many of us caregivers on this board are women.  I don't know why, but, your plight through your posts seemed to grab my heart instantly.  Maybe because you are a man and men notoriously do not share deep emotions, especially with strangers.  Your poignant, moving posts expressed your deep love for your wife and daughter.  They also revealed your fear of losing your beloved wife and your fear of raising Alyssa without your wife.  It also revealed an incredible strength in you Mike.  It was obvious through your posts that you are strong, compassionate, kind and passionate.  What I am trying to say Mike is that you are an extraordinary Dad for Alyssa.  Your ability to share your deep emotions, plus the above listed qualities will be the tools to help you weather any storm you and/or Alyssa encounter.  I did not know Shannon, but, am certain just from the glimpes of her you've given us, that she too knew you were a wonderfully qualified person to raise Alyssa without her being physically here with you.  You do know Mike that Shannon is alive in your heart and in Alyssa's.  You will keep her memory alive and your love for her as well. She is watching over you.   I know how you are feeling right now, but, I also know that you, Mike will be okay.  You are an extraordinary person!  Please know we walk beside you in this journey and please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and Alyssa.   God speed - Karen

I am so so sorry.

Dear Mike,

I am so sorry to hear your sad news.  Your story of Shannon's battle touched my heart from the start and I have been silently watching her saga unfold here and praying for a miracle for her. Perhaps as Karen has said many times, we need to find our miracles and they are not always the miracles we had hoped for.  I don't know you Mike and I know that it is difficult to fathom life without Shannon and to face the reality of raising Alyssa without her mom but I just want you to know that the  strength and grace you have shown on this site is amazing.  I am praying for you and Alyssa and hope that you will check in and let us know how you are doing.

I lost my dad in July and yet I continue to check in here every week or two.  The bonds that are formed here are real and I guess I am just not ready to completely let go of all of this.  As long as there are stories of people who are battling this disease that continue to grab my heart, I must continue to check in and see if anyone has beat this damn thing. 

Cherish your memories of your amazing wife and the beautiful daughter who is her legacy.

Debby

Mike,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your wife Shannon.  I know you have been through so much and the days ahead will be difficult.  I will pray for you and your daughter, that God will wrap His loving arms around you both and give you comfort.  It's so hard to know what to say, but I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.  God bless.

Joanne

 

I'm so sorry for you loss. My heart goes out to you. I just lost my mom 2 weeks ago. I can't imagine the pain the loss of a spouse would cause.  Wishing you much peace in the coming days.