Shannons gone

Dear Mike:  This is the first time I have been on the boards for a few days.  I am very sorry for you and your little one.  As you will remember, my beloved son, Robbie, lost his battle to EC on October 7, 2007.  We are not Catholic but Anglican (pretty well the same thing).  I agree with you that young people should not die but we do not have the power to say who lives and who does not.  My son kept his faith all through his battle and as his older brother began to blame God, Robbie told him that this was not the work of God but of  the devil and the world.  Robbie and I gave communion together on Sunday September 23rd 2007 exactly 2 weeks before he passed away.  Fortunately, Robbie did not throw up blood, he was just dry heaving.  Robbie did die at home in his own bed.  His wife and daughters take a lot of comfort out of being in the home  they shared and in the room and bed that Robbie passed away in.  I am seeing a grief counsellor and she is constantly telling me that we all grieve in our own way and that our grief never goes away it just lessens with time and that we learn to live again without our loved one.  I can honestly tell you, Mike, that I personally am not even close to accepting the death of my son let alone beginning to live again.  My faith tells me that my beloved Robbie is in Heaven and he will be waiting for me when my time comes.  To be honest Mike, if I did not believe that I don't know how I could survive.  Take all the time you need to grieve.  Please, Mike don't make any life altering decisions too soon.  Have the carpet changed but try and wait a while before you look for a new home.  You and Alyssa have many memories of Shannon in that home - they are all not bad.  I know that when I am at Robbie's home I have a sense of peace now.  At first it was hard to go there and not see him.  Christmas was hard, and I am told that all of the firsts will be hard.  I am dreading Easter - it will also be the 36th anniversary of his birth.  Please please Mike be very gentle with yourself and let yourself grieve and mourn.  Shannon, I am sure, is in Heaven with my Robbie and they are free from pain and they are and will be with us always.  I remember when Robbie was first diagnosed I spoke to our priest and I told him that I had lost my faith and that I was mad at God for allowing my son to have a terminal illness.  Father Bob told me that I had not lost my faith I had just misplaced it and that he would be more concerned about me if I told him quite calmly that it was God's will.  He told me that I would once again find my faith because I had just misplaced it and that it was certainly OK to be mad at God - we all are at times.  Please take care.

Hugs to you and Alyssa

love Lynn

Dear Mike,

I'm so very sorry and sad to hear that Shannon is gone.  I have been following your and Shannon's story since you first posted.  I was amazed that a husband could be so poignant and loving when writing about his wife.  Men are usually the "quiet" ones, keeping things to themselves.  At least that's my experience with my husband, and other men as well.

Shannon is at peace now and no longer in pain.  For you and your daughter, you have a long road of healing ahead of you.  But you are a very strong man, and a wonderful father and husband.  I know you can do this for your daughter.

I agree with Karen -please do NOT make any changes for at least 1 year.  Too many people either sell their house, move to another area outside their 'familiar' zone and find that they have no loved ones around. 

You did everything possible and more for Shannon - and I totally understand your anger with God.  I really do.  I lost my brother when he was only 29 years old, leaving a wife and two babies.  I lost my father to prostate cancer 14 years ago.  And now my husband has stage IV EC with a terminal diagnosis.

So it's OK to be angry - just don't lose sight of how you want to raise your daughter.  You want to keep the love and hope in her heart and eyes, and you are the one that will be able to do that for her.

I'm saying a prayer for you right now Mike - just a prayer that you will eventually find peace.

Gentle hugs,

Azzie/Pat