How much more does my mom have to endure

I am at such a loss, so devastated, depleted, and angry.  My mom, 80 years of age was diagnosed with P/C.  Went through the chemo and radiation with minor side effects.  Planned on the whipple at the end of this month.  My mom went from a to z in a matter of two weeks.  She started feeling unusually fatigued.  I urged her to lay down more often. She got weaker and weaker and finally I took her to ER at M.D.  And.  She was admitted 41/2 days ago.  Since then,we have extremely low blood platelets (24), blood clots all over her body which killed her foot and two hands.  She is retaining fluids in her lungs and body, Her nose turned from purple to crisp black, her cheeks are in the process of dying, and her cancer has spread to her liver.  We were told she has days to live.  That was last weekend.  My mom is a very proud woman, she has lost her dignity, she feels like she is a burden, hoplessness.  I am an emotional wreck.  She does not deserve this.  I don't understand how a person can bring an animal in and the vet says well there's nothing we can do and we have a choice to put the animal down.  Very humane.  But a human, who is suffering tremendousley, who has accepted her situation, and clearly states she is ready to go to Heaven, there is no help for her.  Just continue to die piece by piece.  She has no use of her hands, feet.  She just lays in her bed and cries.   Why I just don't get it. 

And if one more counselor asks me how I am doing, I think I will just lose it.   I am not fine, I will not be fine, and I will neverr everr understand why we must let our loved ones suffer in horrendous situations.  Where's the justification?

I am deeply sorry and saddened for your mother and you. I am a person living with cancer and have recently lost my father. He died of cancer.

As I witnessed his needless suffering I posed all the questions you are asking. I don't think we will get an answer. There can't be a "reason".

I have learned that I MUST accept these circumstances. There is no easy way, we all have our own way. I do believe that your mother would want your sufferung to end as hers is.

It's horrific what you are both enduring, but she is blessed to have you there with her. This illness doesn't take away our dignity. It strips away much, but don't let it eat at your soul. My body is riddled with cancer but my soul is fighting it with faith and hope, as well as medicine.

Please try to find some way of coping.

Lori

Karen, I am very sorry about your Mom's situation.  Your message is heartrending. 

Is you Mom being treated as a Hospice patient?  You mentioned she is laying in the hospital bed and crying.  The hospice nurses should be able to give her medications to reduce her distress.  I understand it is almost like putting the patient in a light coma. (They did this for my Father in Law, who had lung cancer.)

I am a PC survivor.  I have read so many stories of caregivers and family who seem to suffer terribly, mostly I think because they are desperate for something to be done to help their loved one and sometimes find there is nothing they or the doctors can do.  The thing they can do in hospice care is control pain and distress of the patient.  If the patient is not distressed, I think it helps the family as well.  

It is very difficult to see someone you love slipping away.  I hope your Mom, and you, find peace soon.