Possible Lymphoma, How To Deal With Uncertainty

Hi, I'm new here.  I do not have a diagnosis yet but my internal medicine doctor thinks I either have lymphoma or I am reacting to something in the environment. I am 38 (almost 39), female, and have had enlarged lymph nodes for at least four months.  I saw my internal medicine doctor three weeks ago, had a bunch of lab work that was normal, and then saw her again today.  She noted no difference in the nodes and has referred me to an ENT doctor for biopsies. 

I have enlarged lymph nodes: all of the left submandibular ones, behind the left ear, left tonsil, down the left side of my neck, left supraclavicular, a few left submandibular.  They are painless and rubbery.  Other symptoms: sleep study showed limb movements that occur while I'm asleep, including REM sleep (this is atypical of RLS, not sure if related to lymph nodes), reddish scaly patch of skin to the left of my nose resolved with a prescription antiinflammatory, very occasional night sweats - once a month at the most, and several times a day I will have a random burning sensations that last a few seconds up to several seconds...these occur just about anywhere and I'm not sure if they have any significance.  Two years ago I tested positive for mononucleosis but am negative now. My problem right now is dealing with the possibility of having a potentially fatal disease, but at the same time thinking that I am worrying for nothing.  If I do have it, I think I may have jeopardized my health by waiting so long for an appointment with my doctor.  I could have seen another doctor earlier and then I would already know what was going on.

How did you deal with it, at first with the uncertaintly and waiting, and then with the actual diagnosis?  I guess if you have to get cancer, lymphoma isn't the worst.  My mother-in-law had Hodgkin's disease when she was in her teens and is now well into her sixties.

Thanks for reading.  I don't want to worry my family too much about this, but need someone to talk to.

 

 

Hi

You're asking for psychological and philosophical focus.  Obviously, uncertainty can be anxiety producing.  Yet, if you're making the most of your life to the best of your ability, unpredictable circumstances are less troublesome.

Your condition sounds like mine.  It's Follicular Lymphoma.  I'm 54.  Since 6 months ago, I've undergone 8 sessions of chemo - 4 hours every three weeks.  Quite uneventful, really. 

I'l be glad to correspond, anytime.

Ron

 

  

Hi Kathy AM,

There is no easy answer to your question about how do you live with the uncertainty of possible serious illness.  My suggestions are to build a network of friends, either face to face or via the internet so you have people to talk to.  Also finding a hobby that you can lose yourself in for awhile can be helpful.  But also to realize that it is very normal to feel frightened and that it is ok.  Sometimes writing your thoughts and feelings out in a journal is helpful. 

 I have stage 4 uterine cancer and a less than 10% chance of survival.  My diagnosis came a year ago and the fear is with me everyday.  But you learn to pick up your life again and to go on.  The important thing is to continue living for as long as God wants you on this Earth.  Life is precious, don't let it slip between your fingers.  When you get your diagnosis, rejoice if it is nothing serious.  But if it is serious learn all you can about your situation and your options.  And reach out to others for the support that you need.  Kathy--Keep on living!!   Hugs to you!!

God Bless!!

   Eileen

Hi, again

This is Ron.  A few minutes ago, I replied to your dilemna.  I don't know what the protocol is for this format.  I'll just give my e-mail address to you.  It's  

--Message edited by CancerCompass staff. For personal protection, email address removed. Consider private reply. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html--

dear ron ...

i read your message and felt compelled to write.

i am very scared right now & not sure what to expect. i have been diagnosed with follicular lymphoma. i am 49 and otherwise healthy. no symptoms other than bloating in my abdomen & slight on&off pressure sensation below rib cage.

my job is terribly time consuming and very public. i am scheduled to start my first chemo feb. 28, only because my job is keeping me out of town until then.

dr.'s have told me everyone reacts to chemo differently but surely i'll suffer what one expects: fatigue, apetite loss, loss of hair, and general sickness.

is there any way you can tell me a little about your story with follicular lymphoma and your experiences with chemo? my mind is playing rticks on me. i have everything to live for: a great job (which i started just 2 months before my diagnosis), good friends and family, a beautiful long-term relationship with a wonderful supportive woman, etc.  but i can confess to being quite frightened inside & don't know who to ask about these things. i trust my dr. but constantly feel i have to read between the lines of what he says for fear he's not telling me that i'm not long for this life.

have you been able to work while getting chemo? is it naive to expect that?  am reading a great book called: the anatomy of hope by dr. groopman.

anyway, reaching out for some advice ...

thanks for reading.

-marco 

Hi marco Before deciding on which path of treatment you should take it might be wise to do some research on alternative medicine. I was diagnosed with non Hodgkin's lymphoma in May 2004 and opted not to take the chemo that was recommended for me. I have had great success using only alternative treatments. The following is just one website which describes good results for your particular type of cancer. I know, it seems too good to be true but I and many others are proof that alternative medicine can work. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?db=pubmed&cmd=searc

My father 74 was just diagnosed!  We were very scared at first.  He actually has ethmoid lymphoma, its in his tissues, bone, esophagus, many many in his chest and abdoment, both groins, many under both arms, I could go on.  I found a great site   www.lymphomasurvival.com .  My advice is to get knowledgeable about your disease.  This site is only about follicular lymphoma.  What do you have to lose. 

We just finished our first treatment and we are trying his article 10 which is optimizing chemotherapy.  Knowledge is powerful, this is a powerful site.

Best of health!

Your concern is quite natural and understandable.  And hyou are right, lymphoma is not the worst news in the world.  However, the best news in the world is that you have a very good chance of beating it if need be, and not just living a long time with it.  The first thing to look into is finding a way to beat it that does not rely on the failed mainstream treatment methods of trying to cut away, burn away or poison away the symptoms of cancer - such as tumors, malignant lymph nodes, cysts and other cancer cell masses.  That does nothing to address the underlying causes that let cancer gain a foothold and will do little or nothing to prevent it's return - and in fact may do just the opposite due to the damage left behind in the wake of cutting on the body, removing needed lymph nodes or other needed body parts, and damage to major organs and the immune system from radiation and/or chemo.

I suggest reading the following:

Modern Medicine versus Nature in Treating Cancer

A Natural Anti-Cancer Protocol

Moderm medicine has had over half a century of failure in the war on cancer.  Nature has been there all along - just not patentable or profitable for mainstream medicine and the pharmaceutical companies.

Those who think otherwise, let me ask you when did God (or Nature if you prefer) become a quack?

Hi.  I just read your message, and it took me back to my time of uncertainty and diagnosis.  Let me tell you, I was the biggest baby, crying all the time...  My actual for real diagnosis came after the ENT removed the enlarged node in my neck, as the biopsy was inconclusive for some reason.  That was in April '06, and it was like a death sentence.  I fell apart, imagined major changes in my body that were just normal things, and then my mother was diagnosed.  That took my mind off myself; she was a trooper, but lived only 47 days after being told she had cancer, never a chance for treatment.

I, on the other hand, have been on the "watch and wait" program, and after falling apart, pulling myself back together, knowing I will fall apart many times, have learned that hysterics don't make it easier, and have grown pretty matter of fact about it all.  That is quite possibly because I have not had to go through chemo, as mine is indolent.

The best advice I ever could hope to give someone is to LIVE.  For so long, I used my days up 'dying', and now I realise that those were wasted days.  LIVE, and be grateful you can still breathe, and you can wake up, and just for a few moments at  the beginning of the day, you don't even think of cancer.  After a while, you learn that much of your day can be spent without thinking of it.

Don't spend time looking for new symptoms, as they will show quick enough.  I try not to check myself (I used to be frantic about finding changes, and stress is not good), and instead I note the changes and let the doctor know.  He tells me to tell him about itching, night sweats, and weight loss that I am not trying to achieve.  That's all.  Easy enough to keep up with.  In between doctor visits, I have too much living to do.  He said he would tell me when to worry, and I believe him.

Think positive, it helps.  It has been right about 2 years since I noticed that swollen place on my neck, and I have them other places, but I am doing wonderful.  It is always at the back of my mind, but when I am stressed, it is not over the cancer anymore.  Not until he tells me to worry, anyway.  you learn to deal.  You really do.

Until your doctor tells you to worry, breathe in and breathe out.  There.  You made it through another second =).  Keep it up for as long as possible, and enjoy life.  Don't waste it with worry.  It seems difficult now, I know.  But it gets easier.  I promise.  And I tend to become a drama queen when I let it get to me.  It's been quite a while since I have felt the need to fall apart, though I know it will happen a couple of times, and I will survive.

2 years ago I was planning my own funeral.  Now I am planning my first home, as the future does require a place of my own to enjoy with those I love.  If that word is spoken in my new home, There better be a good  reason to bring it up.

Congratulations Meagain!  I loved your message -- I'm sure that you will have a lovely new home and plenty of joy and memories to last a lifetime for you all!!  Continue building that inner strength for it will carry you through the set backs when they come -- and then you face more and more good times,why? Because you recognise and value every breath you take and you are making the very most of them all!!  Best wishes to you in your quest to fulfill your dreams!!  Cath