Taking Care Of Mom Too

I too, need to vent. It's been almost 2 years of me "taking care" of mom. She didn't go to the doc's until she was stage III - or IV because she has an innate fear of doctors. She watched her sister die while under the care of doctors and chemotherapy when she also had breast cancer. Long story short - the first half year she let the family in on her illness, I was driving back and forth multiple times a week to her place to make sure she had what she needed. It finally got to the point where the only option was to move her in with me. So for the past year, she has been living with myself and my boyfriend. 

Now she's actually better than she was a year ago - put it this way, she's no longer on oxygen - but she's far from okay without me. She's still undergoing chemo - it has recently spread to her liver.

 I feel horrible for feeling the way I feel, but the only way I can describe this is that I am tired of taking care of her. Mind you, I'm a positive person and I've been alright with all this so far...I take it as my eldest daughter duty. By the way, my younger sister is living abroad, no other family, no ex-husband, no one else but me is available to take care of her.

All of a sudden, I feel resentful that my boyfriend can't support me financially so that I can spend the time I need to to properly take care of her and just be with her without the anxiety that I'm not working and making more money (that's needed as well), AND on top of that, becoming resentful that  I even have to  be at someone's beck and call, and I can't believe  I even feel this way. I feel imprisoned.  But I do.  I just hope it's passing...and that I'll return to  what was a very mature and loving mother/daughter/friend/friend relationship and feeling with my mom. 

 I try taking time for myself and for my bf and i, but everytime I leave for any extended period of time, a night, a big event, etc...I come back to my mom having developed some (Psychosomatic?) extra issues that I'll need to tend to intensely until she's better...then I try to take some time for myself, then again, the cycle. 

 I feel horrible for feeling horrible and resentful. I have every intention of taking care of her as long as needed...not sure why I feel different all of a sudden.  Will this pass? 

Hi there,

I am a carer of my mother too. Originally she was diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis but we soon discovered that it was multiple myeloma.My husband and I had already decided that she come and live with us. I am an only child and we have two children.

When she is at her worst it is hard and extremely frustrating....When she is good she moves around the house and does the washing, makes beds and sometimes cooks a meal. It is hard financially and mentally on us too.

I advise that you can also receive government assistance. In Australia anyway.. Mum gets her disability pension and gives me $300.00 a fortnight. Also Rent assistance is provided via Centrelink.

We can also receive discounts on household bills as well. Australia is known as the lucky country...

Hang in there and your boyfriend needs to understand that this is not your fault. You did not choose this and if he loves you he will support you. If not he needs to go..You only have one mother. There is still plenty of men in the deep blue sea.

Times are tough and we travel an hour and a half to the hospital for treatment once twice weekly. I wish you all the best and hope you can find some support. Keep smiling...

melanie