Why Is Everything So Difficult?

Why when you decide that your life might get back to normal and that it is time to move on and have surgery to repair all of the damages from breast cancer that everything becomes so more difficult.  It took me over 4 months to get an appointment with the dr and then theweek before my apt, I get telephone call and the apt is cancelled.  Does anyone at that office realize how difficult it was to make the decision to have the surgery and then to have all of your hopes and dreams just thrown away.  So many tears and fears all to reappear because no seems to care.  It turns out that I am just a time slot that some one else needs.  I feel like  a non person who must remain a freak for the rest of my life.  The worse part of this is that no one at that office cares and there  is nothing that I can do about it all.  I was actually thinking that I could start to live and start to be out with poeple feeling good about my self but all of thta is gone.  I just get so tired of fighting for everything and I do not have any more fight left in me anymore.  I just know that I am not a time slot but a person who onc had hopes and dreams and plans.  My plan for this year was to be positive in that I would have breast recontruction surgery, heal and then be able to walk in the The3Day walk.  60 miles of walking and  knowing that a cure for breast cancer was possible.  60 miles of hope and courage.  All gone because some one at an office sees me as a time slot and not a person.  What do you do?

 

On 1/25/2008 SusieBish wrote:

Why when you decide that your life might get back to normal and that it is time to move on and have surgery to repair all of the damages from breast cancer that everything becomes so more difficult.  It took me over 4 months to get an appointment with the dr and then theweek before my apt, I get telephone call and the apt is cancelled.  Does anyone at that office realize how difficult it was to make the decision to have the surgery and then to have all of your hopes and dreams just thrown away.  So many tears and fears all to reappear because no seems to care.  It turns out that I am just a time slot that some one else needs.  I feel like  a non person who must remain a freak for the rest of my life.  The worse part of this is that no one at that office cares and there  is nothing that I can do about it all.  I was actually thinking that I could start to live and start to be out with poeple feeling good about my self but all of thta is gone.  I just get so tired of fighting for everything and I do not have any more fight left in me anymore.  I just know that I am not a time slot but a person who onc had hopes and dreams and plans.  My plan for this year was to be positive in that I would have breast recontruction surgery, heal and then be able to walk in the The3Day walk.  60 miles of walking and  knowing that a cure for breast cancer was possible.  60 miles of hope and courage.  All gone because some one at an office sees me as a time slot and not a person.  What do you do?

I read this and a thought came to my mind.  You are a very strong person who has obviously been through an enormous battle.  Yes, you are right that now is "your time".

Did the office give you any idea of when they can reschedule you in for?  Did they give you an explanation?  Did an emergency come up that could not wait... such as a patient who needed your slot in order to live?  You may have saved someone?? 

I am sure you must feel crushed that you have to "start over again".  It is understandable.  I will tell you one thing though and this is coming from a daughter of a woman who has had her battles too.  You are NOT just a time slot.  You are a survivor!!!!  Don't ever forget that.

I hope you are able to work through your disappointment and know that you are very special.  You may have to wait for surgery to get your physical self back but, you are a whole lot more than that.  You are alive!

Take good care.