I Feel So Angry

Hello everyone:

My name is Priscilla and my 64 year old Dad has NHL...again. He was first diagnosed with it in October 2006. The problem is, because he suffers from an enlarged heart and also has a diagnosis of congestive heart failure,  he cannot have the newer cancer treatments. His Oncologist had him on Procarbozine. It is a medication from the 1960's which was stopped in the 602's because of causing sterility and worse Luekemia. This medication however, is the only one my Dad can take because it won't affect his heart. He cannot have dairy, avacado, pickled items. bananas, smoked meats, or aged meats, due to them causing severe reactions with the medication. He was in and out of the hospital because of complications of the chemo and his blood pressure and diabetes. Finally, in April of 2007 the Cancer was gone. We were all so happy!

January 08, 2008 it's back. Stage 3 and spread all over his chest and esophagus. He is constantly coughing. Again, the Procarbozine is the choice chemo drug. He is so weak and tired. He had only has one treatment so far and he can barely walk. I ravel daily to take care of him. He is too stubborn to move in. He lives by himself so I constantly worry if he is taking all his meds, eating, resting. It is so hard! He has family in Texas that are too involved in their own lives to stop and help. He has one brother that is married and retired. His brother lives minutes away from him yet conveniently always has other stuff to do. I am married and have 2 school age kids and one pre-schooler. I suffer from Fibromyalgia and battle my body each day to move. My Dad is tired and weak and is considering quitting treatment. He doesn't want to suffer. I know that I have to support in whatever he chooses but it is so hard. I love him so much and he means the world to me and my family. I need help on how to do this. I am scared of not being emotionally strong enough for him and my family. I need to prepare myself for the rest os this journey. How? How long does this evil Cancer take to selfishly take my Dad without treatment? How long will he have left to be with us? How do I cope?

hang in there. i promise things will get better. in the meantime try to get him to move in with you. have you guys tried alternative treatments? they might not cure but might improve his quality of life significantly/help him live longer.. keep strong.

Anger and frustration are both very natural feelings.  My mom is a survivor of breast cancer, uterine cancer and lymphoma but now she's losing her battle with stomach cancer.

My mom is very much a realist and I found that not hiding things from her, including her in all decisions and finding out from her what would make her quality of life better.  The fact that she's participatory in that part has really helped me to deal with being angry because since we talk, I can tell her that I am angry at this disease for making her hurt and taking her away from me. Most of the comforting words that I have gotten have been from her.  

I wish you and your family the best and as long as he's undergoing treatment, he's fighting........ 

 

 

 

 

 

First lesson about the curve balls life throws all, would be to cope, adapt and roll with the never ending changes as unfair as they may be or become.  You would be the person that could help those around you yet you too have a heart that ticks just as the fellow next to you.  If you do not take care of these events in patience, support and understanding, you may harm someone closer than all else to you...you.  Less stress is best would be the motto that comes to mind as well as having no place for anger since it diverts from the important things.

All you can do is pray - there is nothing in our control, but in God's.  May his peace be with you and your father.