My Husband Was Recently Diagnosed

My husband was diagnosed last month with stomach cancer. It was completely unexpected as his only symptom was heartburn. He's had 1/2 his stomach removed but found it was in several lymph nodes. He's now undergoing chemo, then will have radiation, then more chemo. We're new to this and are unsure of what to expect. He's doing great and has a wonderful outlook. To be honest though, I'm scared to death for him. He's only 47 and has always been in superb health. Any advice on getting through this would be appreciated.

Ramona,
I am so sorry for what your husband, and you, are going thru. I have traveled down this road. My husband's only symptom was stomach pain, and it took 17 months before we found out what was really causing the pain. He had 2 scopes; the first in March 2004 with a biopsy of the outer edge of the "ulcer". Came back negative for cancer. Eight weeks later, in May, 2004, follow-up scope & biopsy, but this time, the biopsy was more involved. The dr. took samples from all over his stomach, and from all over the "ulcer", because in 8 weeks, the "ulcer" hadn't healed any after taking the meds. Seven days later, the doctor told me, rather than my husband, that it was cancer. It was a very aggressive cancer, they say, and I lost my husband exactly 375 days after being told he had cancer. He was 46; me, 41. I am broken. The light has gone from my life.
But, I tell you this because you must stay on top of this; every aspect of your husband's diagnosis, every aspect of his treatment. Make sure you understand everything that is going on. Ask questions, over & over, if necessary. Get all the information you can. Make sure you know what meds he is taking, and why. I would also advise getting a referral to a major cancer center such as CTCA or MD Anderson. The doctors treating my husband were arrogant, and resented my asking questions, especially when I seemed to know as much as they did about certain things. We were to travel to Houston to MD Anderson on May 3, 2004. My darling husband developed a blood clot in his leg on Friday, April 30, just hours AFTER BEING RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL. I was never informed about the possibility of a clot. When I phoned the dr. he asked me what I wanted to do. I was shocked. Back to the hospital we went, just a few hours after his release, and they did not do anything about the clot until Saturday, around 4 pm. They found the clot, put him on Wafarin, and he began vomiting blood. Because they did nothing until the next day, part of the clot broke off and traveled to his lung. All hell broke out after that. Needless to say, we didn't make it to MD Anderson. I am consumed by guilt. When I think about his pain, his suffering, it tears at my soul. I struggle daily to keep my sanity. I stress to you the importance of having some knowledge of your husband's treatment. My husband left all the decisions up to me; that's our relationship. He trusted me with his very life, as I would him with mine. Be there for him. He has a long, hard battle ahead of him. He will have good days & bad days, and on his bad days, he may be very ill, and he will try really hard to be strong. Let him know that it's ok for him to be vunerable; that's where you step in and carry him until he's better. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. He can beat this; NEVER GIVE UP!

Love, prayers & hugs,
Roger's loving wife, Sandra

Good luck to you and your husband. My father was diagnosed Oct '04 with stomach cancer after the doctors thought he just had acid reflux. His cancer had spread too far for surgery, he attempted Chemo, but in Feb '05, he lost his battle. It sure does bring a new perspective as to what's important in life. Best of wishes to you and hang in there; there will be bad days, but there will be good and the good are worth gold!

Thanks for the messages. My husband is doing well and currently undergoing both radiation and chemo. He had one week of just chemo, three weeks off. Now he'll have five weeks radiation with chemo along with it for the first and last week. Then he'll have two more sessions of chemo. He's recovered well from the surgery. He's back at the gym lifting and running/walking three miles a day and is also back at work. We're thankful he's in such good spirits. I will definitely stay on top of everything and appreciate that encouragement. His doctors have been wonderful about keeping us informed and answering questions. We're hopeful that he'll get through this but would appreciate any prayers you might offer.

Hi I have read the other messages and just wanted to give a different perspecitve. Positivity as your husband has chosen is the best way to battle this I am certain. I myself was disgnosed with stomach cancer in Jan this year. Drs think I have had it a year before, yet I never felt nothing apart from indigestions. Like your husband I am young, a 42 year old female, was gym mad, happy, great social live many friends. No one expected me to have cancer, but I do. Still do now.

I have undergone 6 sessions of severe chemo, and much of the tumour reduced, but I still have spreads in the peritoneium and they dont do surgery when that happens. But let me tell you, I have been on 20 aeroplain journeys since that January. Nothing stopped me, I planned each one for the last week before next chemo, and sometimes earlier. Tired or not, but with high spiritis I travelled from the UK to Rio; New york; Rome; Tuscany; Germany; Bulgaria; Dubai; Greece. My husband came on some trips, on others I even went alone.. Life is too short, as long as we have plans .. we will just keep on going. And during that time milions of people died who DID NOT HAVE CANCER. No warning, a plain crash; a terrosim act; starvation; tsunamies, wars you name it.. I always say in many ways we are lucky - we have time for decisions and revisions and thoughts and spirituality and really really appreciating life now... that is a real joy, many dont get chance to feel.

There is one certain thing in life - death we will go through this, it is just a stage.. a door, you live your body like an old coat, but your spirit, if its strong now, oh my god it will always be strong.

Tell your husband just to keep going and when the doubts come into his head, wave them of, look at the sky, the trees the nature, it is so much permanence about things. Only god knows when me and your husband will be taken. It may be soon, it may be 30 years from now, or it may be a brick falls of on our heads tomorrow. No guarantees. Just because we have cancer it does not make us more mortal, just more aware of being mortal. And we are lucky, we know we have it and we are dealing with it; plenty out there still don't. Remember every third person gets cancer in their life time, but they don't all die from it.

Good luck to you both in this fight.

From another strong fighter

T

I had a total gastrectomy on 12th January 2004 when I was 54. Apart from the total removal of my stomach, my spleen and part of my pancreas was also removed and this was followed by Chemo. Not having a stomach made receiving Chemo more difficult and I lost about 25 kilos but now I have regained 15 kilos but I have been told that I will remain around this weight. I can only say from experience that there will be difficult periods but you have to keep positive to give your husband the strength to carry on. I consider myself in the survival cancer club now as my last control tests have all been good. I have formed my own company and I feel that the lord has left me here for some mission which I want to fulfill. It is important to understand that cancer patients go through various emotions but I am sure that with your husband’s positive attitude and your support he will be OK. God bless