AFTER THEY ARE GONE

3 Posts | Page(s): 1 

AFTER THEY ARE GONE

by derick on Sat Feb 09, 2008 12:00 AM

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After nursing my wife full time for over two years helping her to fight her cancer we lost the fight and I lost her in sept 07, it is true that all the nursing staff, doctors, paramedics and all other people involved with her welfare done a wonderful job my special thanks to St Margaret hospice in Taunton as during her illness and, indeed after she had departed from me also all the agency involved done a wonderful job helping me to get myself sorted out, not being a stranger to losing someone ie, family aunts uncles and the like I thought I would be ok handling this experience but boy was I wrong my mind sent me into places I did not know, that enormous black pit that one seems to fall down is such  an awful place the sides are vertical it is very deep and very dark and very lonely, during this transition I found that during the day there is all the help that one could ask for and some very nice and knowledgeable people are at hand at the end of the phone. Friends family gather round to help but what one needs to make it all better is not there and they wont be coming back it is excepting this that is one of the hard things I wont say it is the hardest thing because it is not believe me there are plenty of other things to deal with, after a time people start to leave you alone don’t visit as much and start to phone every day and then it gets to every two days or so and so it gradually gets to the point where they think all is well with you and life seems to start to go at a normal pace yes this is a fare assumption someone dies people grieve people get over it, not always the case my friend the loss of someone so close to the heart brings on a total new life or should I say existence because for a time that is exactly what it is, being left alone to cope with stuff that you use to sort out as a couple, a new thing doing all the daily chores alone instead of sharing them, shopping on your own instead of doing as a couple, functioning seems to have gone to pot the world looks dark people look strange scary even, not being able to go out of the house and mix with people, feel like life is over and not worth caring about these and many more emotions are what we have to deal with, during the day there is more than  enough people to help one cope but after 6 pm or before 8.30 am there is not a lot to help this is what I found anyhow, that black pit gets darker and darker and deeper and deeper until then you find your self needing to talk to someone not family not friends but someone who has been in the same place as you are now, yes I know that the Samaritans are there for every one but with the greatest of respect to the Samaritans that is not always what one desires it is being able to talk to someone who knows exactly where you are, because they have been there done the course been down that black hole and crawled back out of it, All of this I have been thru, and I still am as I am sure the monsters in my head are not done with me yet, there have been many nights I have sat there wishing all could be back to normal and wishing that there was someone in my position or have been in this position that I could talk to but there isn’t this prompted me to writing this on a blog I am here for anyone who wants some one to chat to in the hours that there is no one just e mail me and I will be there for you after your first e mail I will then give you a phone number that you can call me on .That early morning when my wife died  in my arms almost all of me died with her, yes I had help to call on  but the journey I travelled with my wife and indeed after her fight was over it taught me a lesson although I cared for her and I learned all there was to know  about her particular cancer what to do for her at various stages in the journey the best food to give her  and mainly keep her happy and smiling as she always did, the feeling of guilt that perhaps I didn’t do enough for her left me with a mission to go on, it is my intentions to help as many people like myself to get over the pain and indeed if I can give any ungarnished advise I will do so or put you on the rite path to get that help by doing this it will mean her  suffering and her death will not be in vain so for now my friend chin up and think for tomorrow because it does get better each day dont get me wrong my friend i am under no illusion that the monsters in my head have withdrawn completly i am sure they will come and go but for now well lets see  good luck to all

RE: AFTER THEY ARE GONE

by robinlbr on Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:00 AM

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God Bless you. You are in my prayers.  I am so sorry for your loss

 

RE: AFTER THEY ARE GONE

by Danid1 on Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:00 AM

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I know what you mean about the after 6pm and before 8:30am thing. I am crying from the time I wake up, in the shower, getting ready, drink some coffee and finally it stops. It is hard. But you will get through this. Your wife is still with you in spirit, I believe that. She was lucky to have you to take care of her.  She left this life with great stories to tell the angels up above about you. I heard a priest say once, it is not goodbye---                it is,  " I will see you again". And while you wait your turn to be with your wife again, you must pray for strength and strength to get up. Keep going, stay busy and it will get better. Her memories will remain in your heart . Live a good life, so when you do reunite  with your wife--you will have much to talk about. Take control and take care. Dani
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