Two year's ago I lost a precious sister to lung cancer. I was never very close to her until she came to live with me, and shortly after was diagnoised in the IV stages of lung cancer. I took care of her to the very end. She and I became the best of friends, as well as we shared so much love between each other. Shortly after her death I met an awesome, incredible man. He ws someone I could talk to openly about anything. We dated a few times, but I think he knew I wasn't ready for a relationship, and we stopped talking and dating. Last month I got an email from him and he's in the IV Stage of RCC. When I heard the news I was devastated. He lives 80 miles away, and I go to see him a few times a week. We still have that connection. I'm so heart broken. There are times I look at him and think, why did I distance myself from him. He's probably everything I'd want in a man. He's great with his kids, he's very kind hearted and funny as heck. But there's one thing that's bothering me. I'm not one to give my heart very easily, but I love this man. I can't explain it. There are times when I'm around him, I have to leave the room, because I don't want him to see me crying. I don't understand why the Lord allowed two people whom I care about to come into my life, and then take them away. Sometimes I wish I could just stay away so I'm not hurt if something should happen to him, but then my heart say's I do make a difference in his life, and that would be the most selfish thing I could do, staying away. How do I get a tough heart. My heart has always been unselfish, and giving, and now I'm faced with loosing a man I fell in love with because I wanted to be there as a friend.