I was admitted into a major hospital for testing. I have been having some problems with low blood sugars and in the past have had pancreas problems. The day I was admitted i had a abdominal CT scan to check for masses on the pancreas........ this was on a Thursday.
On Monday morning I had left the ward were I was admitted to go for a walk. On my way back up I rode up in the elevator with a very tall woman doctor. I can remember her because of how tall she was.
I returned to my room and all of a sudden the same woman I rode in the elevator came in and introduced herself and asked if I was the person she was looking for. She began to talk about ovarian cancer to me. I looked at her all stunned and said are you sure you are talking to the right person.......... she looked up at my name tag over my bed and said yes.
She went on talking about ovarian cancer and wanted to take a history on me. I again asked her and even showed her my wrist ID band and said are you sure you are talking to the right person I am here for testing on my pancreas. She looked at my arm band and said yes I am here to talk to you. I said well why do you think that I have ovarian cancer? She said my mass was accidentally detected when I had my abdominal CT scan.
The rest of my conversation with her is a blurr. I was 6 hours away from my family, wasnt even in the hospital for this, and had no idea what so ever that this woman was going to sit down and change my life. I was so numb, scared, and all alone..........
So when i spoke to my original doctor I told him how this made me feel and would have really liked at least a heads up from him. He apoligized and didnt want to tell me until they were sure. I had a pelvic U/S, internal U/S done and things in his opinion look very poor. Before I talked to him I couldnt figure out why the head radiologist came to speak to me and was rubbing my shoulder telling me it would be fine.
Well it doesnt seem very fine to me. I know I am 38, no more children in my future, but it still isnt fine to me. My friends say have the surgery then its gone.......... in my heart this is what makes me a woman. I would have never even had my tubes tied because this is just me. I know it sounds selfish to think this way and it is not logical in any sence to think this way. But as soon as they started talking total hysterectomy it was like a bomb dropped and time stood still.
I want to live, I dont want to die, not because of this. I feel very grateful this was found. I will have the surgery, I go to see the gyn oncologist on March 4th........... but I am not dealing with this very well. I think that I am in total denial and hopeing that when I have my repeat U/S that the mass will be gone. Sorry to post so long but as March 4th gets closer my dealing with this gets harder.