My Father Is Dying

Hi,

 my father has been fighting his pancreas cancer for 2 years now.... and he is in the last stage of his life the doctor said.  My father is 61 years old.  He has been suffering for the last 2 years.  In the last weeks I have been wishing him to die in peace and to go towards a better place, a place with no pain, no humilation, no confusion,.... and now that his end seems to be coming fast... I don't know what to think.  I am so sad to think he is going to leave us, but at the same time I'm thinking about my mother who is all alone to take care of him and for her own sake, I think this needs to end.  I feel lost.  My father still thinks he will make it.... but we all know he won't.... it is horrible to see him being so diminish....  I wish I hadn't had to see him like that.  It will be difficult to remember the good times, after seeing him in so much pain, physically and mentally.

My father is having trouble swallowing his pills, he wets his bed, he is confused at times, he has trouble getting up and waking, he stays in bed all day, he does not eat much anymore, he is always thirsty, his breathing has changed....  HOW MUCH MORE TIME DO YOU THINK HE HAS?? 

Slinky

I cannot say how much more time he has but have you considered hospice care?  Sounds like if he is not eating or drinking much, that it may be the end but I really cannot comment on that.  But I did want to say how sorry I am that your father is dying and that you have to watch him go through this.  Though this is extremely difficult, scary, confusing and you are probably very angry - don't lose sight of the good times and memories you shared.  I don't have siblings and I think all the time, what if something does happen to my mother.  I have no one to say "remember when mom chased me down the street and....".  I have to just say it to myself.  I want to scream to the world what wonderful memories I have as a child and an adult - that no one else will know!  This is a stage that is awful to face and a memory no one wants to have.  But knowing that you are there for your father, right by his side, guiding him through this every moment - will always be a memory you will hold dear.  I can only tell you this - stay strong for your dad, remind him he fought the good fight and it is okay if he needs to let go.  Has any doctor or nurse spoken with you about his current health, given you any thing to go on ??  I wish you both peace and guidance during this VERY difficult time.  Cyber hugs, K~

Slinky i am so sorry that your dad has PC.  My dad died on december 22, 2007 from this horrible cancer.  I know how horrible it is to watch the ones we love suffer.  All along i prayed for dad to be cured, that he would live long but in the last day of his life i was begging God to take him because i knew he was sufferring.  The pain is still so very fresh and the memories of his last days i will never forget.  There are days that all i can think about is his last days, moments.  I am grateful i was able to be there in his last moments to hold him but at the same time part of me wishes i hadn't seen those last hours.  Dad really struggled in his last hours, started vomitting etc.. It was very tramatic for me.  I can't get those images out of my mind.  For 7mos he struggled with PC and the last month of his life he was much like your dad.  He basically stopped eating, slept most the day and really communicated little.  He did however maintain his continence and actually ambulated the morning of his death.  It's weird at times we thought maybe he would get better.  He had the strength of a bull.  The morning of his death he insisted he get up to use the commode.  But by that time his  kidneys, liver etc. were shutting down.  I don't think he really realized it.  That's what bothers me to this day.  Around five days before dads death he went into hosp. for a stent of his bile duct.  By that time he was very jaundiced and weak.  He still believed much like your dad he was going to fight this.  I don't know that he ever accepted the PC. He was never the type to just give up a fight. 

I don't know what to say to you to ease your pain and worry.   No one really knows how much time is left but by what you describe i would say your dad is in his final days.  Particularily if his breathing has changed. My dads breathing changed around three days before his death.  He became confused in his last two.  I'm sorry honey.  I wish i could reach out and hug you.  I know how painful this is for you. 

When my dad died it felt like my whole world fell apart.  I don't know that things will ever be the same again.  I miss him terribly.  But i know dad wouldn;'t want me to be crying all the time over him.  I've decided to live life to the fullest for dad.  If he can't be alive than i will live for him in the best way i know how. Just recently i developed some photos from thanksgiving and I couldn't believe how sick dad looked in those photos.  I knew he was very ill at that time but  you kinda look beyond the physical image of him and look to his inside person just to get through this horrible cancer.  But now after his death i realized how much dad really did suffer and at least i know now he is resting in peace with God. 

Sending many hugs. My heart breaks for you.Take care of yourself.

Suz

I lost my mom 12.23.2007 from pc. It sounds like things are winding down.  I hope you have hospice involved as they can help.  for the medication you can smash it up in apple sauce---or hospice can do a sub-q (needle in the arm---automatic pain pump.) My mother would sleep with her eyes opened, talk crazy, and had to have a catheter.  She was only 63 yrs olds .  We all prayed for 2 weeks for god to take her.  He finally did at 1:45 pm on 12.23.2007.  I sat with her for 45 minutes after she died--she was peaceful, as she sufferred terribly, as they had a hard time controlling her pain.  She has been gone for 80 days.  Its hard, very hard.  As you take care of your loved one, and soon this becomes your routine and you forget what your life was like before.  I am having a difficult time adjusting,

My mom had te rattle about 2 weeks out.  that is when the throat muscles relax and you can hear the mucous --as the end neared it became louder.  she had shallow breathing and hospice ordered oxygen to help her.  The oxygen was delivered and she passed about 5 minutes later.

If you need anything or have any questions you can email me.  I am so sorry that you have to go through this.