I Hate To Do This, But I Have To Ask!!!!!

I have been on this message board for a long time....gathering information and listening to all of your advice etc.  It has been very helpful both informationally and emotionally.  My sister has melanoma that has spread from the primary (rectal) to her lung, liver, breast and is continuing to spread in her colon and pelvis area.  She recently had a colostomy to help curb a blockage in her colon, but they did not remove anything.  They are waiting for her to heal from this surgery (four weeks!!!!) and at that time she will go over clinical trials that would best suit her at the time.  They are very concerned about the activity in her liver.  My horrible question is.........is this the end of the line for her? what do we look for if it is? she is pretty weak, has alot of anxiety, she gets extremely tired toward late afternoon, and isn't eating as much as before.  She has participated in two clinical trials so far and neither did much for her.  She is being treated at UPMC in PA and is very confident in her doctor there.  I know this looks horribly grim and I just want us all (family) to know what the end looks like, but I don't want to lose hope.  She is so strong and young, but I see her fading and don't know how long you can go without treatment when your liver is in rough shape.  Any information would be helpful.  I pray for all of you going through similar situations!!!  It is so hard on EVERYONE!

Please don't just rely on postings from people on boards. When I arrived at MD Anderson for my diagnosis I was told not to get hung up on Staging. Everyone is different and sometimes God grants your prayers. So, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Get comfort from your prayers and listen to what those who are seeing her and caring for her are telling you.

Hang in there and God Bless.

Rick

That is great advice Rick!!  I am scared though, I know God is in control!!!

God Bless you too!!!

My 32-year-old husband died from melanoma just three days after 9/11/01.  It was after a 5-year battle that all started with a mole on his back.  He was lucid and clear all the way to the very end.  Just a few days before he passed, we really had a hard time breathing and relaxing.  He was very anxious; walking around a lot, sitting on the toilet or the end of the bed for lengths of time, not being able to sleep.  The morning he passed, and after a long night of very restless sleep (or no sleep), he said "call Bob and have him come over, this is the end." (Bob was a personal friend who was also a doctor and had agreed to help at the end stages of Darren's life.)  I cried and pleaded and told Darren that we could increase his meds and make it comfortable for him in bed and that we could possibly get a few more months together.  He said "it's not going to get any better than this."  We spent that day with our three boys and family and close friends and towards the end of the day, Darren slowly went into what I call a 'deep sleep'.  He was breathing, but more in a sleep state.  Around 4am in the morning, he started breathing wierd.  I called Bob in and Bob explained that Darren was taking his last breaths.  He went peacefully and quickly.

In hindsight, I am AMAZED at how Darren was able to release himself from his pain and suffering and let go.  He was able to let himself die more than I was.  And now, having talked to others who deal with death and dying on a regular basis, I have found that my 'death expereince' with Darren was very beautiful and rare.

As Rick notes in another response below, none of us really know when we're going to go and as hard as it may be perceive your sister's situation this way, it's a bit of a blessing to have this time 'before death' to LIVE and cherish and not take for granted, like most of us do.  ENJOY your sister right now.  Talk about stories and memories and LAUGH.  And see if she is willing to share some words about what she wants 'if/when' she passes (and I say this with still much hope for her to live as we can ALL actually sit and have that conversation with our loved ones - the 'if/when' we pass since we will ALL die one day.)

Enjoy every day ... every hour ... every minute as if it were your last.

Blessings,

Rhonda

p.s. - sorry to have written a book here ... your email just really touched me and compelled me to share.

UVSkinz,

Thank you so much for your words!!! - I'm so sorry for your loss, and at such a young age!  But what a beautiful way to go - he sounded very courageous!   My sisters and I are also best friends, in a very close knit family, with four sisters in all.  We are all devastated by this disease and what's happening.  But I will take your advice and enjoy this time, as best I can - and each day as if it were our last!  God Bless you for taking the time to care!!!

My 32-year-old husband died from melanoma just three days after 9/11/01.  It was after a 5-year battle that all started with a mole on his back.  He was lucid and clear all the way to the very end.  Just a few days before he passed, we really had a hard time breathing and relaxing.  He was very anxious; walking around a lot, sitting on the toilet or the end of the bed for lengths of time, not being able to sleep.  The morning he passed, and after a long night of very restless sleep (or no sleep), he said "call Bob and have him come over, this is the end." (Bob was a personal friend who was also a doctor and had agreed to help at the end stages of Darren's life.)  I cried and pleaded and told Darren that we could increase his meds and make it comfortable for him in bed and that we could possibly get a few more months together.  He said "it's not going to get any better than this."  We spent that day with our three boys and family and close friends and towards the end of the day, Darren slowly went into what I call a 'deep sleep'.  He was breathing, but more in a sleep state.  Around 4am in the morning, he started breathing wierd.  I called Bob in and Bob explained that Darren was taking his last breaths.  He went peacefully and quickly.

In hindsight, I am AMAZED at how Darren was able to release himself from his pain and suffering and let go.  He was able to let himself die more than I was.  And now, having talked to others who deal with death and dying on a regular basis, I have found that my 'death expereince' with Darren was very beautiful and rare.

As Rick notes in another response below, none of us really know when we're going to go and as hard as it may be perceive your sister's situation this way, it's a bit of a blessing to have this time 'before death' to LIVE and cherish and not take for granted, like most of us do.  ENJOY your sister right now.  Talk about stories and memories and LAUGH.  And see if she is willing to share some words about what she wants 'if/when' she passes (and I say this with still much hope for her to live as we can ALL actually sit and have that conversation with our loved ones - the 'if/when' we pass since we will ALL die one day.)

Enjoy every day ... every hour ... every minute as if it were your last.

Blessings,

Rhonda

p.s. - sorry to have written a book here ... your email just really touched me and compelled me to share.