Hello all, My name is Debra. I'm new to this site.
On the loss of femininity, I guess I should start with losing my only child in '86. She only lived 7 wks. I never tried again, feeling I could not handle that kind of loss again.
I had a successful career in medicene, I poured myself into my work after losing my mom, dad, and sister.
I started having chronic fatigue and pain. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
Then I started having facial tics and tremors on the left side of my body. That was diagnosed as 2 meningiomas on my spine at the base of my brain. They shaved my long hair and removed the tumors.
Next I started having to have my breast cysts, and having them drained at least once a month. Docs told me they could no longer read my mammograms due to density of my breasts. Two surgeons suggested bilateral mastectomy with reconstuction. I did it....
Backing up a bit, I became disabled after meningioma surgery, so much for pouring myself back into my work.
The heavy duty pain meds I was on caused "dry mouth", then I had to have my top teeth pulled...ugh, now I have dentures on top.
I met a wonderful man that said,"Don't worry about your scars, they are only roadmaps of you life. They tell where you've been, not where you are going." WOW!
So off to the gynocologist for birth control. Then I learned I need 2 biopsies, did that. HPV positive and it required a wide excision of my vulva.That was Jan. '07. My gyno told me this has to be checked every 6 mos. for the rest of my life.
I went for my follow up visit and I was sent to a gyno oncologist. VIN2 can be multi focal. Now it's in my vagina and my cervix is enlarged. My rectum and lower back has been causing me pain. My new gyno oncologist said this can all be related.
Now I will have a colonoscopy in 2 days, one week after that, a wide excision of my vaginal wall with a possible hysterectomy one week from then.
My fiance still wants to marry me, but how can I put him through all this? I think he might be a saint....
It may not read this way, but "carpe diem" is my new mantra. I do want to live till i die.
I really feel positive about the results of all of this, it's just that I am so tired of being cut on. So when does a person cry "uncle" and say "enough is enough?"
I'm not giving up yet!
Thank you for reading this lengthy post.
I'm just a bit weary and a bit scared,
Debra