On 3/11/2008
missjane wrote:
HI Am so glad to have found this site, my dad was diagnosed with this cancer (oesophageal) in June of 06 and it has been horrible as I live in NZ and he lives in Brisbane. I am really really confused as I am thinking that we (my husband and myself and our baby boy) should just move back to Brisbane but it's so hard to get information out of mum and dad as they obviously are staying very positive but I keep feeling like I am not hearing everything as maybe they don't want to process all the information?
Dad had a total oesophagectomy in June of 06 without doing any prior radiotherapy or chemo (even though I am now reading that this is a good idea?) and he had HEAPS of complications including ending up in hospital for almost 3 month. In the last 18months he has lost almost 20 kilos and has lots of trouble eating as he tends to throw up a lot or get food caught in his throat.
At his last check up they found the cancer back and so now he starts combined chemo and radiotherapy next Monday. I am really lost as I have started reading up again and now dont know what to ask the DR's - about his treatments, outlook,side effects etc- as the more I read the more I realise I know nothing.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what questions I should be asking? Should we make the move back to OZ? What is his long term outlook?
I can't seem to think straight and obviously I will come home for the treatments and to be with him but I am also a bit lost as of course I would come back to OZ for him to live but I am trying to get the facts first so we can make an informed decision about what to do. I hope I don't sound selfish but I guess it's just one more stress on top of dad already being sick by moving my husband and baby to Australia as well???
Hi Miss Jane,
So sorry we had to meet you this way but you came to the right place for support. You have asked a very difficult question that has no right or wrong answers. When I am faced with these kinds of decisions I just pray, pray, pray. God always answers. Sometimes in very obvious ways, or in smalls ways. Sometimes he is silent-which is an answer in itself.
My heart breaks for you, though. I only live 2 hours from my parents. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to live in a different country. (You're in New Zealand, he's in Australia??) If it were me, here are some things I'd consider:
How does my husband feel about moving? Supportive, reluctant, etc.
How will this effect my children? My children are 9 and 17 and it would be difficult to uproot them from school, community, friends. Although moving a little one has its share of concerns, these are some you don't have to worry so much about.
You need your family unit (husband, child) to be strong now-probably more than ever.
Why am I living here? I'm sure there are many valid reasons. How do these reasons weigh against reasons to move home.
Maybe you could go for an extended visit. It would be a good time to question the doctors so you could get a good understanding of what is going on and get a good idea of how your dad is REALLY doing. I guess you never stop being a parent no matter how old your children are. My parents have a tendency to protect the 4 of us from things even though we range in age from 38-50.
This is the toughest-Will you regret it if you don't move? Time is something we can never get back. I have struggled with taking a leave of absence from work and I don't know what to do. He was so very sick for a while that I had already mentioned it to my principal. But now he's made some improvements and things are manageable for them. My sister and I take turns coming for the weekend to offer Mom some much needed rest. This is working right now but is subject to change at any time. This is a much bigger decision for you because you can't come and go that easily.
You DO NOT sound selfish! You sound like a very concerned daughter who loves her dad, husband, and baby,and wants the best for ALL of them.
I hope this has helped some. Take the parts that help you and take the rest with a grain of salt.
I will be praying for you and your family during this difficult time.