Spouse Has Stage Iv Colon And Liver Ca

I am looking for a support group to help me in my current situation.  Just before this past Christmas my husband was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer that had metastiized to his liver.  He has been receiving chemo treatments but the prognosis is grim, helped only by his relatively young age of 40.  We have two children aged 3 and 5 and it's been especially hard on our 5 year old son.  Of course my husband has lots of anger and depression over this situation and I don't know how best to deal with it.  I totallly understand his depression, but it seems like everyone expects me to be superhuman and take care of everyone and not get angry, sad or depressed about things.  It's like I am just supposed to take all that has happened to us with tremendous grace, and I just don't feel that "graceful" right now or "grateful."  I am hoping that I can find some support here to help me cope.  Unfortunately, I am sure that there are others here on this message board that are going through a similar situation right now.  Family is not that supposrtive as faras offering to help with the home or kids, so a lot of that pressure is on my shoulders.  Also, my husband has been out of work for several months now and paying bills just gets harder and harder and I am hoping to find out if there are resources out there to help with that as well.

I sincerely appreciate any input anyone may have.  Thank you.

Karen, I am so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis.  He and your family are so young.  You are entitled to feel anger, depression, as is he.  Your life is going to be very different.  My husband just passed from stage IV stomach cancer in February and I was dealing with the same issues.  He was depressed and slept alot - his chemo (taxol) also made him very fatigued.  He would not take antidepressants - he felt he was taking enough drugs.  I have 4 small grandchildren that took me away from that horrible mental place of watching my husband die.  Your children are gifts - try to keep their life as normal as possible.  Feel your anger and deal with it.  Also realize that your husband is entitled to his feelings.  Spirituality does help a great deal - I know I will see my husband again and that lessens the pain of my loss.  As for financial help, maybe someone else on this board can refer you - I don't know.  Please do not feel you are alone - people on this cancer board are so supporting and helpful.  Good luck,

Diane

Dear Diane,

First let me say how sorry I am that you recently lost your husband.  The grieving process is a hard one and I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I know having children helps because at their young ages, their needs are many and you have no choice but to stop what you are doing and help them.  If we didn't have kids, we'd be more depressed I think because we'd have more time to worry!  I'm glad you have grandchildren to help take your mind off of things.  They are a blessing....

I am thankful right now because although my mom and my husband had a bit of a falling out two years ago, all has been forgiven on both parts and tomorrow is the first time in two years that he is coming with the children and me to her house to visit!  That's a big step.

I wish as far as treatment goes that there was something other than chemo.  It's effects can be devastating. leaving them so tired and weak.  My husband has lost 35 pounds (why can't I???) and has lost his muscle mass.  He has five more rounds of chemo and then hopefully he will be done for a while.  He has not had many good days these last few weeks, but we keep trying to be postitive.

How long ago did your husband get diagnosed with stomach cancer?  What stage was he and did it spread?  I am sure the two of you felt as we did when he first got diagnosed. It was like a bad dream and I thought for sure we'd wake up and everything would be back to normal. It's just horrible how fast you see them go from vital to an incredibly weakened state.  It feels so strange.

I appreciate you writing to me and I hope to hear from you again.  I will check my messages when we return from my mom's.  She does not have a computer and I am going to miss it!!! How will we do without one for a few days?

Please take care of yourself.  My thoughts are with you, as well as my prayers and I hope you find peace.  I can only imagine how difficult that must be, but you sound like a strong woman to me and you have faith, which is so important.

Have a wonderful weekend.

All My Best,

Karen 

Hi Karen,

It's been a month since this message was posted - how is your husband doing?  I, too have a 36 year old husband diagnosed with StageIV Colon Cancer with extensive mets to the liver and the outlook is grim.  We have 3 children and I can completely understand your situation.  After his first 3 rounds of chemo he has shown a positive response, but the doctor never talks about a cure just "controlling" the cancer.

 I'm researching other options, but it's hard to know what to try, what will work best. I get really depressed, but try not to complain because I want my husband to stay positive. For the most part, I think I'm in denial - like walking in a fog.  If you have found anything helpful in terms of coping or news around cancer treatment, I'd love to hear it. Take care

Deborah