Both Parents Diagnosed With Terminal Cancer In 7 Weeks

Both of my parents where diaignosed with terminal cancer 7 weeks apart.  I am their only caregiver as of yet.  I have twin 15 year old daughters, and a 13 year old son.  I have a brother, but he lives about 250 miles away.  I was laid off from my job in October.  Soon my unemployment will be coming to an end.  I don't know how I will keep taking care of my parents, and work too.  Even if I got a job, how could I work and worry about my parents at the same time?  Not to mention take care of my children too.  Does anyone know what I should do when my unemployment comes to an end?  This whole thing just makes me ache inside.  I don't know what to do anymore.  They are both so sick, and I can't help but to think about what things will be like this time next year.  I try to only look at one day at a time, but the holidays make me wounder if it will be my last one spent with them.  I am divorced, and my parents are my best friends.  How will I ever live without them?

Dear Caretaker:

Go to the message board under caregivers support there is a father who started an organization www.dollarfairy.com. Maybe there you can find help. Can you have your unemployment extended?  Some states are extending benefits. Best of luck

Bernadette 

 

Dear Carektaker,

My heart breaks for you and I really don't have any answers other than to tell you to pray. As bad as things get, God is right there with us to carry us through. He will take care of you and your family. Continue to pray and God will lead you in the right direction.

I will keep you, your parents, and your children in my prayers.

If you'd like to "talk" or need anything please send me a private email.

God Bless,

George's Girl

 Dearest Kareng,

My heart moves for your situation. You truly find out who are your "true friend" when you get into a serious situation like your in. How do I know? Well, I just lost my wife Oct. 31st, 2007 @ 11:25PM after an 2 yr battle with MM. She was just fixing to turn 50. I am 47. We wetre married 16 1/2 years. She was my world. My best friend, my soul mate my lover. Words are so simple when it comes to explaining the emotions.

May I ask if you have contacted Hospice? Have you gotten your parents on Medicare or Medicaid?

Hospice has a vast resource center of help. If they can not take care of your needs. They know who can.

This is horrific to talk about. It is not easy being a care giver. I do not want to make you oranyone here feel bad or lose hope with things that I say.

But I must say that I now know what it is like to give the care to one's wife to the last breath!

I will have to talk later, I am sorry.

 

On 3/22/2008 kareng wrote:

Both of my parents where diaignosed with terminal cancer 7 weeks apart.  I am their only caregiver as of yet.  I have twin 15 year old daughters, and a 13 year old son.  I have a brother, but he lives about 250 miles away.  I was laid off from my job in October.  Soon my unemployment will be coming to an end.  I don't know how I will keep taking care of my parents, and work too.  Even if I got a job, how could I work and worry about my parents at the same time?  Not to mention take care of my children too.  Does anyone know what I should do when my unemployment comes to an end?  This whole thing just makes me ache inside.  I don't know what to do anymore.  They are both so sick, and I can't help but to think about what things will be like this time next year.  I try to only look at one day at a time, but the holidays make me wounder if it will be my last one spent with them.  I am divorced, and my parents are my best friends.  How will I ever live without them?

 

 

On 3/29/2008 MontanaWidower wrote:

 Dearest Kareng,

My heart moves for your situation. You truly find out who are your "true friend" when you get into a serious situation like your in. How do I know? Well, I just lost my wife Oct. 31st, 2007 @ 11:25PM after an 2 yr battle with MM. She was just fixing to turn 50. I am 47. We wetre married 16 1/2 years. She was my world. My best friend, my soul mate my lover. Words are so simple when it comes to explaining the emotions.

May I ask if you have contacted Hospice? Have you gotten your parents on Medicare or Medicaid?

Hospice has a vast resource center of help. If they can not take care of your needs. They know who can.

This is horrific to talk about. It is not easy being a care giver. I do not want to make you oranyone here feel bad or lose hope with things that I say.

But I must say that I now know what it is like to give the care to one's wife to the last breath!

I will have to talk later, I am sorry.

 

On 3/22/2008 kareng wrote:

Both of my parents where diaignosed with terminal cancer 7 weeks apart.  I am their only caregiver as of yet.  I have twin 15 year old daughters, and a 13 year old son.  I have a brother, but he lives about 250 miles away.  I was laid off from my job in October.  Soon my unemployment will be coming to an end.  I don't know how I will keep taking care of my parents, and work too.  Even if I got a job, how could I work and worry about my parents at the same time?  Not to mention take care of my children too.  Does anyone know what I should do when my unemployment comes to an end?  This whole thing just makes me ache inside.  I don't know what to do anymore.  They are both so sick, and I can't help but to think about what things will be like this time next year.  I try to only look at one day at a time, but the holidays make me wounder if it will be my last one spent with them.  I am divorced, and my parents are my best friends.  How will I ever live without them?

I am so very sorry about your wife.  Thank you for shairing your story with me, sometimes I feel as if I am all alone in this and that it is only happening to me.  I want so much for life to return to normal.  Life as I new it is changing, and I don't know what to expect from all of this. It hurts me so much to see my parents like this.  My mother has bone cancer, it is all over her bones, as the pet scan said, "To many to articulate" my father has small cell lung cancer.  He has already started his chemo, his hair started coming out today.  My mother will be starting her chemo in a week or 2.  She just finished radiation a week ago on the 2 places that were the most painful, T1 and her pelvis.   They  are determined to take care of themselves for the most part.  I am running them everywhere, doing the shopping, RX's, ect.  I am in an out of their house all day long.  I try to help keep the house clean, and do the laundry.   At this point I am spending more time with them then I am with my children.  I am not ready to let them go.  How does a person know when it is to late to do anything to battle the bone cancer?  You said that your wife had MM, is that Multipal Melanoma?  Thats bone cancer right?  Please forgive me, this is all new to me and before this, my life was filled with my daughters cheerleading, and my sons skateboarding, school, and what we were going to have for dinner that night.  I am going to be 40 next month and I don't even want to celebrate.  If you would ever like to shair your whole story with me, I would like to hear it.  If you just need to talk, I am here too.  Thank you so very much,  karen

 

 

 

The feelings your experiencing are "normal" for what you are going through but not normal in the proper scene of normal. That is the way it was and still is for me. 

I still can not believe my wife, Marty is gone. She would have been 50 in Jan. I am 47.

We were married 16 1/2 years. We were best friends. She was amazing.

Yes, MM is Multiple Myeloma and can be a bone, blood, in the urine or packed in th bone morrow.

Marty was diagnosed April of 06. It was a serious struggle from the beginning to the end for both of us. 

We lived in Helena, MT. at the time. I am now working in Southern CA. 

I'm not sure if I can go through the whole story but I made sure Marty's wishes were taken care of to the letter. One of her wishes was that "if she was going to die" she wanted to pass away with me at home. The was the toughest promise to fulfill of my life!

I administered Morphine her last day and watched the last breath from my precious wife. I helped put her on the gurney and take her out to the coroners vehicle. 

There are so many more details but I am going to stop for now.

Please know that it is not easy to be strong being a "caregiver". but it can be done with Hospice only when you absolutely need them.

I will do my best with emotional support.

I try to be a spiritual man and know scriptures pretty well if you like that kind of support also.

Talk to you again soon.

Mark Anthon 

I 

I wish I was writing with an answer to your problem.  I just wanted you to know that there are others in this situation.  I am soooooo tired of cancer.  My father and my companions father were both diagnosed with cancer one week apart and died one month apart.  The next month my companion's mother was diagnosed and is still fighting four years later.  Then 3 1/2 years ago my companion was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer with lung and bone mets.  It has been a long, hard fight.  He has been in in-home hospice and then back out of hospice and on treatment and he is now facing his fourth surgery.  I have been breadwinner and caregiver and would never complain about this - as long as I still have him here I can do anything.  But then I too was laid off last August.  The added stress of trying to find employment in this economy is almost too much to take.  I have applied for more than 70 jobs that match my qualifications and have gotten nothing.  My unemployment pay ends in 2 weeks also.  Bush will bail out his banking buddies but won't extend unemployment benefits, but I won't go there because then I just get angry.  I don't know what I will do if I don't get a job, but also don't know how I will take care of Doug if I do.  I don't expect a new employer will be sympathetic or flexible when it comes to taking care of him. 

I promise to write again if I find an answer or a way to deal with it all and please write me if you do.  Sharing your suffering..............

Oh I so know what you are going through! I lost my Mum and Dad to cancer, not within such a short timescale, but my Mum was diagnosed with her cancer as my Dad was in his final weeks, so the trauma was similar to yours in this respect.  I too felt exactly as you do - how will I live without them - what will this time next year be like etc etc.

All I can say is IT DOES EASE IN TIME, IT TRULY TRULY DOES.

My Dad passed away in the May of 1999, but my Mum was lucky enough to live with her cancer until March 2004. It was my children that kept me (and her) going throughout the whole traumatic time..although I was and still am lucky enough to have a supportive husband.  When my Dad died, I lived in a "numb" world for six months - unable to accept his death. He was my world. My teacher, my friend, my guard - my everything. However gradually looking after my Mum as her condition worsened soon pulled me out of the grieving period, and I then put all my efforts into looking after her, and did for Mum what I had never done for Dad.  When Mum died in March 2004 I was so much more able to deal with it.  Again,months of feeling like I had lost my right arm - but gradually the sun shines again, you appreciate life, you laugh, you have fun with your kids...all of these things will help to look back on your parents and SMILE again at lovely memories. Honestly - the outlook now may seem unbearable and you will think you will never get through it but you willl - you have to forthe sake of your children.and for yourself.

Its Gods will that our parents die before us - this is what my Dad used to say to me.  And I thank God that neither he or my Mum ever had to watch me suffer terminal illness and that they died whilst watching their daughter in perfect health, with a perfectly healthy family.

I am writing from the UK, so I do not know what sort of support groups you have in USA, but we have a local hospice which is were both my Mum and Dad spent their final days. They were brilliant - and the support from the hospice was fantastic.

God Bless you and your family at this awful awful time. My prayers and thoughts are with you all.