Sexual Vitality.....................Please.......

I was diagnosed with gleason 9 cancer, so a lot was cut out. I was put on lupron and then bombarded with radiation. Not only am I completely incontinent, but am incapable of ever achieving an erection again. The last time my wife wife and I had sex was two days before the prostetectomy..2 years ago. It'll never happen again. She hasn't left me....yet.

My Gleason was 6 and they took it out as well. Although I am not incontinet, I can no longer get a full erection either. I am just starting to deal with this reality and am having a hard time with it. At 54, I never though I would see this for 20 years.

 

On 3/28/2008 Surviving2 wrote:

My Gleason was 6 and they took it out as well. Although I am not incontinet, I can no longer get a full erection either. I am just starting to deal with this reality and am having a hard time with it. At 54, I never though I would see this for 20 years.

Although we are in 60's we have dealt with this since my husband started hormone therapy over 2 yrs ago(he was 65 at the time),we have accepted this as a fact of life now.Our marriage is strong and we are trusting our Lord to help us continue to get through this problem .Dave had his surgery 6 yrs ago and all was okay,with the help of medication,until the hormone therapy.But if she really loves you she will hang in there,at least she willl has your companionship and love.The alternative is worse.They caught my husbands cancer by "accident"(there are no accidents with God) and if not caught when it was he may have been dead by now.So I keep that thought in mind and it helps.

 

 

On 3/28/2008 canes75 wrote:

I was diagnosed with gleason 9 cancer, so a lot was cut out. I was put on lupron and then bombarded with radiation. Not only am I completely incontinent, but am incapable of ever achieving an erection again. The last time my wife wife and I had sex was two days before the prostetectomy..2 years ago. It'll never happen again. She hasn't left me....yet.

My husband had his surgery 6 yrs ago and started lupron 21/2 yrs. ago.Our sex life was spotty,at best ,before lupron,now it is non-exsistant.We are in our 60's(he was 65 when he started lupron),but we have accepted it(with God's help)and we have a strong marriage.I decided this is better then the alternative,because if nto caught when it was he may have been dead by now.(his psa was going up again and now he is on Casodex too.As far as the incontinent problem,have you considered a n artificial sphynter?   Dave got on 2 yrs ago and while it has not solved the entire problem it has improved it enough to make life a little easier.  Ask your Doctor about it.

 

I hear you, brother.

On 3/28/2008 canes75 wrote:

I was diagnosed with gleason 9 cancer, so a lot was cut out. I was put on lupron and then bombarded with radiation. Not only am I completely incontinent, but am incapable of ever achieving an erection again. The last time my wife wife and I had sex was two days before the prostetectomy..2 years ago. It'll never happen again. She hasn't left me....yet.

As a wife of a man who had radical prostatectomy and with whom there has been no sex for over a year with no hope of ever having it again, I want to tell you it is not about intercourse but about interest and attention. As long as I believe he loves me and shows me attention I will remain. If he does not do so, I will walk because there would then be no reason to stay. So just keep on showing affection. Sex is about more than intercourse - it is about physical closeness.

 

On 3/28/2008 canes75 wrote:

I was diagnosed with gleason 9 cancer, so a lot was cut out. I was put on lupron and then bombarded with radiation. Not only am I completely incontinent, but am incapable of ever achieving an erection again. The last time my wife wife and I had sex was two days before the prostetectomy..2 years ago. It'll never happen again. She hasn't left me....yet.

I love my husband so much that I would rather live with out sex then with out him.Were in our 50's.I do miss my husband in that way,but i will be there for my husband, cause if it was the other way around i would want him there for me.He is taking nexavar.He is still the handsome man i married.When i hold my husband, i hold him like its going to be last time,things that we take for granted.

                                                   rally53

  Been down that road too !!!!

I'm out of hospital now four weeks after a radical prostectomy. I was desperately looking for alternatives but with a PSA of 26 (steady on that for 12 months but had been up to 96) and a Gleeson of 7, I took the advice of the surgeon and pathologist and consigned the prostate to a bucket!

The bad news was a post op pathology far worse than the pre-op biopsy, but the good news is no sign of cancer in surrounding tissue, but my problem is now that all the signs are that sex, as experienced in the past, is quickly to become a memory.

Both my wife & I are 62 and have enjoyed a beautiful sexual relationship over the past years. Prior to the operation, our enjoyment of intimacy was on average 5 times a week, sometimes lasting for two hours at a time. (We discovered the principles of Tantric Sex some years ago)

Having a very strong PC muscle has helped greatly regarding unary continence. I'm at the point now where some days (and nights) my absorbant pad is completely dry and on my "bad" days, one pad is usually enough.

On consultation with the surgeon last week, he encouraged us to start looking for intimacy again, but warned that spontaneous erections won't occur for a very long time (if ever) but showed me how to use penile injections. This was a bit scary (not to say embarressing) but turned out to be surprisingly simple and certainly, not painful to administer. At this stage, we've only used it twice, starting with small doses, and a partial erection has resulted each time. We were encouraged to not be coy about sexual situations at all and for my part, even look for erotic situations that can tend to arouse and not to be embarressed about them. (For instance, if it feels nice when cleaning myself up in the shower, keep it up for a bit and see what happens- shades of being 13 again!)

However, that is all very well, but in spite of my dear wif'e's objections that penetration is a facet of our relationship that she can (reluctantly) do without, in spite of our mutual trust, the fact that I now "can't perform" is a real problem to me, coupled with the fact that my libido is just about non-existant anyway and when I do intimate things for her enjoyment, the "buzz" is not there for me and I'm terrified that it will show.

Am I expecting too much? Are we looking for intimacy too early? Will my libido return to it's healthy, pre-op level? What happens with a "dry" orgasm anyway?

Yes, I'm glad that I'm alive and to all accounts, should now live to see my grandchildren grow up and give thanks for a loving and beautiful wife, whom I love dearly and I know loves me in return - but at this stage, in spite of my brave face, post prostate op. life sucks and I'm terrified of the future.

I've been pretty explicit here, but I would like to know if anybody else finds themselves in a similar situation and I would love to know how others are coping (and your wives.) 

Cheers,

 

 

 

 

 

 

It looks as though I'm replying to my own message, but I believe that all you guys (and their partners) out there who are grieveing over lost intimacy need to know of my experience. 

I'm now around seven weeks after a radical prostectomy. You will see from my last post, that I have not been very cheerful about what lies in the years ahead and although I am fast getting the continence issue under control. (only a few leaks during the couse of a day now and the last three nights completely dry, the issue of potency has been a worry.

Libido has been very low, but with the help of a loving partner and combined chemical assistance (Levitra and penile prosaglandin injections - used alternatively) things are happening. After a very sucessful encounter using levitra, with an erection firm enough to sustain penetration for around 15 minutes, I have found that spontenaneous reactions are now starting to happen.

My last experience, using prostaglandin injections, was successful enough for a sustained erection long enough to achieve orgasm.

So guys, don't give up! A positive attitude (wanting it to work) a loving partner and a willingness to accept the experience, in my case at least, has paid off for me and of course, my wife.