My Husband's Battle With Pancreatic Cancer Is Over

My best friend died 4 weeks ago today. I'v been numb since. I cant seem to move on. I dont really want to. We were married for 37 years, I cant believe he's gone. I expect him to walk through the door any moment now. I know I'm not the first woman to lose her husband to cancer but I cant stand this. The hospice team said Terry was among just 2% of pancreatic cancer sufferers who had a bad reaction to haldol. It was supposed to help with the agitation but only put him into convulsions which forced us to take him to the hospital for a drug propafol? as it's a federally regulated drug and hospice cant use it outside a hospital. I am so beyond sad, I feel like my life is over too. I guess in a way it is, as it used to be anyway.

Terry, I am so sorry for your loss of your dear husband.  I feel your pain as I lost my husband five weeks ago to stomach cancer.  We were together 26 years and he was also my best friend.  I, too, am lost.  Our children are grown and we have four grandchildren, but there is still a void.  I cry every day and only want to sit and look at pictures of him.  I believe this is normal to grieve in this way.  I have joined a bereavement group to talk with other women who are experiencing this - I don't know if it will help as I have only attended one session.  Terry, the only thing that keeps me going is that I will one day be reunited with Mike for eternity.  Until then we can only keep our beautiful memories, cry, laugh and pray for strength to go on.  He was on morphine, lorazepam and haldol at the end but he still fought like the brave warrior that he was.  He had stage IV stomach cancer for three years.  Please keep in touch and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Diane

I am so sorry, Terry was not your name but your husband's.  See, my brain is still foggy after five weeks since my husband's death.  Sorry for the mixup.

I am sorry for your loss :(.  Believe me you are not the only one, and it is hard especially the years you two have spent together. People handle grief in different ways, but perhaps when YOU are ready maybe your hospice provides a support group. My dad passed away two years ago when I was twenty to Pancreatic Cancer and believe me it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through so far in my life and probably will be. It took me a few weeks to even open up to someone, but I realised when I went to the support group and related to some of those around me it felt better to let it out. Remember the good times you two have  had and if you ever need anything just ask.

After my dad passed away, my life turned 360 and i'm sure yours has for sure. I believe in helping people more, and I feel this is a calling. If you need someone to listen i'm here and so are those on this community.

-Lindsay.

I am so sorry to hear of your husband's death. I also lost my husband of 37 years to pancreatic cancer he died in Feb of this year.I know what you are going through I only started looking at his picture this week some days you just want to stay in bed and not make the effort other times you can't face going to bed and find yourself roaming around the house at four in the morning. I started sleeping on his side of the bed and that has helped me. I phoned to join a support group but they suggest waiting for three months. Please come back into this site and tell us how you are coping.

I am so sorry for what you are going through...I lost my mom to colon cancer on March 10th and have yet to believe she is gone.  My dad is totally lost and doesn't know what to do with himself...they were married for 41 years.  Our support system is tremendous, but it doesn't help the fact that she is not here...do what helps you, what feels right to you...there is no "normal" way of handling this as I have been told...I am here to listen...anytime. 

 

I lost my my husband 5 months today.  I still cant believe it.  I would stay in bed if I could but we have a 16yr old daughter.  She is the reason I keep going.  I am at the point where I cant look at the picutres,  for awhile I was watching all my home videos just to see and hear his voice. I miss him so very much he too was my best firend .   I know someday I will be with him again..  He was 56 and I just turned 50.  It is not fair.  I am at the mad stage.  Not at him at everything and everybody else.   I dont know if this would work for you but by daughters best friend (who lost her father 2 yrs ago in a freek accident) gave her a memory box,  and we are finding stuff all the time to put in,  We didnt have enough time we would have been married 19 rys this past Feb.  We go to a support group 2x month but didnt start until mid January.  You do need to wait awhile. I took a month off work, and was so disorganized  that would upset me too.  You need to take care of yourself too.  It's very hard to come home from work and not have him here.  I have not moved his stuff. I'm not ready.  I will be the only one who knows when its time.   There are so many emotions we will go through.  We are a member of an exclusive club that we did not want to join.  Please take care of yourself.  You will get through this horriible time and know you are not alone.

Take care          

Robin

My heart goes out to you, I have tears in my eyes and my heart hurts as I respond.  My brother (41 yrs. old) passed away on 1/23/08 of liver cancer that spread to his lungs & spine within three months of diagnosis. He had three children the youngest was 11 months at time of diagnosis. His heart ached every time he looked at his kids, knowing he wasn't going to be around to guide them. He was a beautiful man. He was a monumental man, stood 6'1 with peircing green eyes. I get so angry when I think of the up's and down's he went through with his illness. We are from Sacramento, Calif. where he was initially told he had a mass, but didn't seem cancerous, later to be told by the San Francisco Hospital (after 3 biopsies) that it in fact was cancerous, but low grade. Then he was told he wasn't a candidate for resection due to location of tumor....it was wrapped around his portal veins in liver along with many other smaller vital veins.  Two weeks later he got a phone call saying they could remove 85% of his liver (tumor on rt. side), but once they opened him up they saw the right side of liver had 5 smaller tumors that weren't visible on the scans due to size and the way the mass was growing abnormally. The operation did him in.......he never recooperated, he had infection after infection, the pain was horrific for him, he got blood clots, he had fierce night sweats, it was awful for him & for us to watch it all. The cancer turned aggressive with the operation, spreading to other locations. His liver & kidneys failed him. His stomach simply disolved and released through his bottom, it's a devastating disease for loved one's to watch...these our people we love, only to watch them wither away, it's so painful to let go, we wish at the blink of an eye they would appear before us again......only to realize we are living a nightmare that pounds at us. I miss him so much, this summer is going to be hard with out him, he was the life of all the social events. He would be helping dad with his garden at this time of the year. I can see him now standing tall in the garden making sure everything is watered and free of infestation............God Bless You....and many prayers........

Robin, I am sorry about your husband.  I too lost my best friend, lover and soul mate February 22.  We were married 18 years, together for 26.  If it were not for my four grandchildren, I wouldn't want to go on.  I have not changed anything in my home.  Even his meds are still on the counter and his shoes near the front door.  I also go to a bereavement group and it seems to help to have someone know what you are going through.  Keep wonderful thoughts and memories in your heart and know that one day you will be reunited.  That's the only thing that keeps me going.

Diane