Dealing Emotionally With A Permanent Colostomy

My 72 year old mom has completed cancer treatment and surgery to remove the cancer and her rectum. Her treatment and surgery went well and she is cancer free. Fears of cancer returning is utmost in her mind. In addition to this dealing with the colostomy has become more of an emotional drain on her than any of us had expected. She has dealt with lactose intolerance for the last 20+ years so diareah is something that is normal for her. Having this with a colostomy is just too much. She hates her colostomy and becomes quite depressed by it. I've tried changing her diet and this just doesn't seem to help. I just don't know what to do about this and am afraid she will become a shut in. Is there another woman out there that has some words of wisdom? I'm losing faith in my ability to help her.

Thanks,
Donna

Hello Donna,
My word of wisdom is to be patient, and understanding, due to the last things our mothers do not want their daughter to see them helpless. Check with a dietcian to see what would would work best for her. My mother waited to late so she isn't able to have any colostomy, they have ony given her a couple of months to live. But you are so BLESSED that your mother is cancer free and she went ahead and had the surgery, mine mother was too stubborn. So in all of this just take a day at a time and advise your mother of the same thing she is so blessed even despite she is having the loose bowl movement tell her it will get better.

God Bless,
Krisinda

Krisanda,

Thank you for your support and words of wisdom. We are doing better this week as she has finally seen a doctor about control and I believe this will help her attitude. It also looks like she will need another surgery to fix her bladder.

I am so sorry about your mom. It's tough when they are that stubborn. Try to make the best of your time remaining. My mom is lucky but also stubborn. She waited far too long to see a doctor, and this is why she has a permanent colostomy.

I have scheduled appointments with dieticians but I can't seem to get very far with her as I only see her on weekends (she lives too far away). She's never been very good about self control in her diet. I will keep trying and keep her positive.

God Bless and don't forget to take care of yourself through this, Donna

Yes I was very up set when I found I had to have my rectum removed and had to wear a bag, and my is real soft also, but it is better that way then to be real hard, as that really gives your stomach cramps. And really is painful, tell your mother, she is real lucky. And to have a good look at her life, god wonted her to enjoy her daughter and family. And you have to keep her spirits up. As there always people worse off then we are. If she needs someone to talk to, I will be happy to send her e-mails, I am a retired beauty shop owner and have been cancer free for 4 years now. I had chemo and radiation both and I am 68 years old and go exercise 3 times with my husband a week at the gym, and that helps. When did your mother fine out she had cancer, I hope I have helped you some let your mother read this, and tell her keep up her spirits up that is the main thing. Love Pat.

I too had to have a permanent colostomy in April of 2004. Some tips to help your mother.
- Put some baby oil in the pouch. It allows the stool to come out easier and keeps is smelling better too. Some Walmart's carry lavender scented baby oil.
- If the stool is real strong smelling go to an Alchemy shop or Wegmans and get peppermint oil. A couple drops will do ya.
- Immodium AD works well to rid one of loose stools.
- I'm only 5'3 and found the 12 inch pouches to be too big for me and irritated me. I went to a 9 inch pouch and that worked much better.
- I also tried several different pouches and found I liked the "New Image" from Hollister the best. This is a 2 piece unit that is very easy to assemble and I wear this with a bathing suit. It is not visible. You can go to hollister.com to see what they have and they will send samples free of charge.

Good luck to ya.