Finding It Hard To Cope

Hi everyone. It's been almost 3 months now since my daddy passed away from pancreatic cancer and i'm finding it harder each day. I put on a brave face infront of everyone and carry on with my life as normal but absolutely everytime I'm on my own, I can't stop crying. Everything is reminding me of him and I can't bear to even look at photographs of him.

I find myself looking out the window, seeing someone, and thinking that it's him walking towards the house. I answer the phone, it's my brother, I think it's my dad and I get so excited.

Everytime I think about it, my heart feels so heavy and seems to sink....I can't explain it properly but I'm sure some of you will understand the feeling. My nephew is 8 and he's at the stage where he says things that hurts you, without realising. Just the other day he said, 'Leanne, you'll have no daddy to walk you up the aisle if you get married' and 'You're daddy won't see you graduate from university.' I try to be brave infront of him but I really want to run away and break down. Cancer adverts on the tv are the worst and I can't help feeling angry when the advert announces 'more and more people are beating cancer.' Of course, this is brilliant but I just feel so envious that my dad was one of the one's that was taken by this disease. Are these feelings normal?

Absolutely!  You have every right to feel the way you do and you will continue to feel that way for a long time.  I can relate to your feelings because I lost my dad almost 20 years ago when I was 16 and just recently my husband was just diagnosed with stage IV stomach cancer.  Losing a parent is very, very difficult especially to cancer.  It's frustrating to have to deal with all the effects of treatment, to see them wither away, and worst of all when they are in pain.  It sounds like you were close to him, like I was with my dad.  Just feel comfort in knowing that time really does heal the heart and if you feel like crying, do so because it's good for you.  People in general understand and are very sympathic/empathic to what you're going through. 

You may want to consider volunteering with a non-profit organization.  There are so many worthy causes out there.  Sometimes that is the best way to release your energy in a positive way and bring happiness to someone else. 

I will pray for you and your family.

On 4/4/2008 leanne2287 wrote:

Hi everyone. It's been almost 3 months now since my daddy passed away from pancreatic cancer and i'm finding it harder each day. I put on a brave face infront of everyone and carry on with my life as normal but absolutely everytime I'm on my own, I can't stop crying. Everything is reminding me of him and I can't bear to even look at photographs of him.

I find myself looking out the window, seeing someone, and thinking that it's him walking towards the house. I answer the phone, it's my brother, I think it's my dad and I get so excited.

Everytime I think about it, my heart feels so heavy and seems to sink....I can't explain it properly but I'm sure some of you will understand the feeling. My nephew is 8 and he's at the stage where he says things that hurts you, without realising. Just the other day he said, 'Leanne, you'll have no daddy to walk you up the aisle if you get married' and 'You're daddy won't see you graduate from university.' I try to be brave infront of him but I really want to run away and break down. Cancer adverts on the tv are the worst and I can't help feeling angry when the advert announces 'more and more people are beating cancer.' Of course, this is brilliant but I just feel so envious that my dad was one of the one's that was taken by this disease. Are these feelings normal?

Absolutely normal. My dad passed away in 94 with recurrant prostate  cancer. Because we had him here at our house until his death(it was someone with him 24/7) after he died it was so weird not having that responsibility. Watch for depression, it can come so easily. I still see  tings that remind meof him, but cherish the time we had with him the last 6 months.

It will get easier as time passes, but there will always be things that remind you of him. Just try to consentrate on the happy times you had witheach other.

Jan

Hi Leanne.  I know how you feel.  I lost my mother on Dec 27 at the age of 68 and I still find it hard to cope.  There are days that I just want to stay in bed but fortunately, I have two small children who need me.  My siblings and I just can't seem to move forward and spend a lot of time in anger: anger at the medical system, anger at ourselves for maybe not doing enough, the list goes on.  I even find myself angry because I don't dream about her or feel her in my everyday life.

Someone said to me yesterday - Would your mother want to leave a legacy of love or a monument of pain?  All I can remember is the love and amazing memories but all I feel is sad.

I know in time we will find a new normal but for now, this is normal.

Lisa