How To Cope ?

My husband, David was diagnosed in december with Kidney cancer and had a kidney removed..was told it was sucessful, 1 month ago on follow up exam showed some abnormal cells were found in has bladderr, although pathology

was clean he began immunotherapy treatments (2 more to go) then another cysto and biopsy, cat scan, an probably "preventative chemo

My question is how do you cope between Dr visits, tests, results..ive never been a pateint person and I am a big worrier. David on the other hand is

very good at waiting and feeling very posative. i cant let him see me cry

any hints on how to control the anxiety?

this is my first visit here and any help would be appreciated.

sandy 

Hi Sandy,

My husband was diagnosed in July last year with an aggressive invasive bladder cancer. He went through 4 rounds of chemo followed by a radical prostectomy (bladder, prostate removed). He was really sick with a bladder infection and staph infection that were difficult to kill and was hospitalized twice during the chemo period.

I needed to make some critical decisions about how to manage myself. I didn't want people to know about it at work so I shared with 2 trusted friends who kept my confidences and took me to lunch and just listened to me.

My husband & I did not want to involve his elderly mother unless things got really bad. I count that decision as one of my saviours.

I saw my physician and got a prescription for a sleeping aid; I really needed to get deep full sleep and it worked well.

I kept myself busy with researching cancer, subscribing to online newsletters, reading about treatment regimens and writing a literature review of what I had read. I built files of articles.  I learned a lot about every aspect of the cancer.

I got busy applying for his disability insurance and Social Security disability application. When I wasn't working I was obsessively researching and building files.

Food was a comfort and I probably gained 10 pounds.

I saw a counselor and had a few visits; she was great. 

My husband & I updated our wills and set up revocable trusts.  

It was like living in a movie set because it was all so surreal.

The surgery followed the diagnosis by 6 months.  After the surgery I was appalled at how fatigued I was.  I went back to work a bit too early.

Hope this is helpful. Write anytime. Take care of yourself, too.

-Elizabeth

Hi Elizabeth

Thank you for taking the time to write....I hope both of you are doing well..

I have done many of the same things..especially the reading and internet

research...and yes it helps

You hit it right on the head when you said surreal.... thats just how I feel,a lot

It is helping me to know my feelings are "normal"

Again thank you

Sandy

Hi Sandy,

Thanks for writing back. Even though we came out of a very bad situation with optimal results (the chemo killed all the cancer) I still feel abnormal.  I have a short fuse and find myself with rude thoughts about other people who are not going through this, people at work, etc.  I can understand how people can grow old and angry as a permanent condition.

I just have to get rested and stay rested and remember that this was/is a trauma of the 9th order.

A therapist taught me a self-hynosis technique that evaporates anxiety instantly. It's a two finger touch to the collarbone and some quick deep breaths. If you're interested I'll see if I can get written information on that.

Have a good day.

e