Hello Ariel,
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I know how it feels to have someone you love to be diagnosed with cancer. I also know how it feels to be all alone in what you're feeling. Maybe it will help to understand a little about what your dad is going through, and why. Chemo attacks fast growing cells in the body, and in the root of our hair there are fast growing cells, these aren't cancerous, but chemo sometimes doesn't know one bad cell from a good one. Your dad may be sick from time to time, and to give you a simple explaination to why this happens is because chemo kind of throws the body off balance, and makes the body react to this foreign substance in the body. He may experience being tired, sick to the stomach, and even throwing up, but these are very common side affects to the drug. Lot's of times the patient's has to go through these side affects in order to get better. I remember when my sister had cancer and as I watched her go through her treatments, I found there were so many times I'd go to my room and cry. It hurt so much to see her sick. But I learned so much about me at this time too. God allowed me to be her care taker for a reason. I've always had a sensitive heart, but my heart developed more compassion, more empathy, and more love than I'd ever dreamed possible. It's so hard to see a love one going through this. So, what I did, is this. Each morning before starting my day, I'd ask the Lord to give me the strength to be what my sister needed for the day. If she needed more laughter, she got it, if she needed more hugs, she got it, if she needed to hear more of, I love you, she got it. I listened to my heart to what it was saying she needed for each day. There were a few times she needed to cry, and you know what she got? A sister lying beside her crying with her. We don't always know the "reasons" why people we love get sick, but we are there for them for a reason. I sometimes think maybe God wants us to be a little unselfish, and to focus our attention on someone else. When we do this, we are giving of ourselves with a love that is so pure, and so unselfish. We are freer with our love, our words of affection, and we become a softer person. I only pray, you'll stop each morning, and even several times a day and ask the Lord, Lord what does my dad need me to do today. What does he need to see in me. I'd also go to my room, and cry, cry until there's no more tears to cry, crying releases the pain from our hearts, and then I'd ask the Lord to strengthen you, and to give you understanding and peace while you are on this journey with your dad. I also know the importance of having someone to talk too while we're going through this, if your dad is in the hospital any length of time, there is a Chaplin at the hospital. They are there for people who have a love one that is sick.Please know I know what you're going through. I have an awesome friend who I love dearly who has cancer too. He means the world to me. There are day's he is so sick, and can't really talk a lot, but you know, I feel it's the greatest honor to just sit by his side, and just wink at him, or to just sit and watch tv with him. Precious one, I know it's not easy, and there are no easy answers, but what I've written has given me the strength to be there for the people I love. I pray the Lord, will give you guidance, understanding, and peace throughout this, and know I'm praying for you, and your dad and your mom.
Patricia