My Husband Has Cancer...

My husband of nearly 24 years was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on March 25th, 2008 - he is 43. The cancer is also in his spleen, liver, lung and there is a metastatic mass by his prostate. The peritoneal lymph nodes are also involved. His tumor indicator is over 60,000. How does this happen? He has been going to the doctor religiously for over two years with other incidental symptoms - strange platelet counts, weird liver function numbers, etc. but NOTHING that would indicate something of this magnitude! An abdominal scan looking for a colonic abscess finally showed the true cause of all his symptoms - including the pain in his feet and legs less than 4 months ago (blood clots).

We have gone through the devastation and the despair and are trying to look a day at a time into the future. Within a week of diagnosis, they had him started on Gemzar and Terceva which are supposed to give him a chance of some additional time. While we are hopeful we are also trying to be realistic. Treatment will not cure him. We pray for a healing miracle but also pray for peace and strength to endure what will be.

The unknown bothers us the most. Can anyone give me an idea of what we should expect? I anticipate it will eventually be the liver metastisis that end this - what symptoms will this bring on? What can I as a caregiver do to help him? What should I be watching for to call the doctor's attention to for symptom and pain management? I appreciate any information you can give - my husband and I are both engineers and feel that we can deal with almost anything if we can plan for it - this has really disrupted our plans and I think it is that disruption that causes us the most unease. God's Blessings to you - AlanaC

Hi,

I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. I lost my husband to PC in June. We had just celebrated our 27th anniversary. We have two kids. Our son is now 21 and our daughter is 10. This past 10 months without him have been hard. But what you are going through now is equally hard. I was at that point about a year ago, wondering if he would suffer, wondering when to tell the little one that daddy would not get better. It was at just this time last year that he really started to decline.

Every person with PC is different but from my support group and from my own experience I know that things can go downhill very quickly. You should be prepared for that. Make sure the will and advanced directive are in order right now. While your husband feels reasonably well spend a lot of time doing fun things. Invite people over and enjoy their company. It may sound silly but I think Wayne really enjoyed the last year of his life. (He was diagnosed in stage 2 and had a Whipple followed by chemo and radiation. Died anyway as most Whipple patients do.) We spent lots of time with family and friends and tried not to think about the cloud hanging over us. Wayne stayed positive. I just couldn't. If I could do anything over it would be to live more in the moment and not worry so much about what was coming. I had no control over that anyway.

In terms of the final stages, again everyone is different. My husband's passing was very sudden and very peaceful.  He stopped being able to eat and got thinner and thinner and, along with that, very weak. But he was still living! Six days before he died, he went for a 45 minute walk with his sister. Three days before he died, he ate a little Chinese food in our dining room with friends and had a lively conversation about philosophy and religion. Even the day before he died, he got dressed and came downstairs, although he kept falling asleep. The day he died he would not get out of bed. I had helped him get the the bathroom and when we got back to the bed, he gave a little shiver and died very quietly. He was in no pain at any time.

In addition to not eating, be on the look out for ascites, the buildup of fluid in the body cavities. That's a typical end stage symptom and your husband may need a stent or shunt to drain the fluid. It makes the patient more comfortable but, in from what I've read, signals that things are nearing the end.

My best advice is to enjoy every moment right now. There is no way of knowing how long you have so go out and have fun. Make sure your important papers are in order. My husband made his funeral plans (didn't trust his agnostic wife!). He was ready to go and I hope he went to a better place.

Please take care of yourself as well. You'll  need to be physically and mentally strong for the task ahead. My thoughts are with you.

I agree with the previous poster, to try to alleviate his discomfort and just live every moment to the fullest possible.  Say what needs to be said, get things on video and take pictures and have him write things down.  My grandma who I live with has this cancer and who she was a few months ago is nothing like who she is right now, so ask the questions and record their answers, right now.  

 Your husband is a lucky man to be with someone he loves through this time in his life.  The best of luck to you both.