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just a bit worried

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Subject: RE: just a bit worried
Date: 04/21/2008

Dear David

Thank you so much for your wonderfully supportive and informative message.  One thing I'm finding from this scare is how many utterly wonderful people there are in this world and if I take anything away from this it will be a regained belief in human goodness.

I am beginning to think that I've been worrying myself for probably no reason and so I've made a conscious effort to stop thinking it could be something bad and carrying on as normal (OK, yes I do have the odd thoughts but hey I'm only human! :).

I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through tests and waiting for 9 months.  I can only imagine how awful that must be as here I am only 2 weeks after going to the doctor!  You are right though, it's the not knowing that's the worse, I really believe I would be OK if it was bad news as I try and be positive about things and would just want to get on with it, but it's not knowing and then I feel guily about being worried because if it's nothing I feel like I've wasted people's time and made my friends worried for no reason.  So, from now on, it's only positive thoughts and assuming everything's OK unless I'm told differently.

Your message was so brilliantly put, you really are an inspiration and comfort to anyone going through similar things.  And to explain all the medical stuff as well has really helped.

Thank you so much and I hope everthing turns out OK for you.  Do you have a diagnosis or have all the tests you've gone through still not proved conclusive?

Anyway, I'll keep you in my thoughts and wish you all the very best.

Thank you once again.

Sue

Subject: RE: just a bit worried
Date: 04/21/2008

I am glad you had a laugh its good medicine and best of all its free, Its good to see you have a similar sense of humor to me, my girlfriend and I often get asked if were the entertainment when where out together, people around us either laugh or give us really filthy looks, I said to her we should get jobs as clowns, I would love to buy a big plastic hammer and hit her over the head with it.

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself mate, you have genuine concerns and why not get a bit of extra attention on the way you deserve it (wink wink), all those flowers and chocolates and extra cuddles are probably well over due anyway and wouldn't be classified as profit from fraudulent purposes I wouldn't think, IS THERE A LAWYER IN THE HOUSE!.

Be careful of the Chocolates though, I read somewhere one of the symptoms of Cancer is weight gain, I don't believe its just fluid build up, I think you get to a point of "I don't give a stuff" and eat whatever you like and gain a few extra pounds (I used pounds cause your English), Doctors don't want to worry us intentionally, I liked the term "internet surfing hypochondriac" awesome, was on the net with my nutty girlfriend last night and we had her diagnosed with all sorts of problems, its so funny, I said to her in the future we wont need Doctors at all, we can just type in our symptoms ourselves and find out what's wrong with us and REALLY get the answers, we laughed so hard we bought tears to our eyes, (I am not that bad I actually prefer Doctors), but it was funny.

Stress and worry can do all sorts of things, my girlfriends lymph nodes swell up in her neck and go back down on their own when she's run down and stressed, but she doesn't have Lymphoma (I think shes hoping she loves chocolate), the body is amazing how it tries to cope with our ever demanding life, especially hers.

I would be direct about asking your Doctor if she believed it could be Lymphoma, she would have thought of that herself being a good Doctor as she is and I think its important to fire off questions, don't worry if you think you will come across as an internet surfing hypochondriac, at least you will be an informed one ha ha, plus if you really feel like a knob you can find another Doctor, no seriously, I asked my Oncologist if he thought artificial sweetener might be linked to Lymphoma, only because I chew that stuff from the time I get up, till the time I go to sleep and did a bit of internet surfing ha ha and read where they believed there was a link, he said no and I could tell on his face he thought I was a dumb internet surfing hypochondriac but who cares mate, I am hoping to educate him a bit more as time goes on, I actually think he will diagnose me with Bi Polar by the time its all over ha ha.

I know exactly how you feel about toning things down just incase there is a good outcome and your left there with an innocent smile on your face, eyes turned down and chocolate in the corners of your mouth trying to look cool, its not easy to balance EXTREME PANIC emotions with being in control, NOW IS IT !!  

I got asked on Sunday when is your next scan?, I said oh in the near future sometime, breezed it off like it was nothing, they said like when in the near future?, I said oh in May sometime, ha ha like its no big deal, actually I think I do have Bi Polar.

Nodes in the neck would have freaked you out, don't you hate it when they don't tell you things like that and then they let it slip out and you think what else didn't they tell me, I got told I had them in my neck by a student Doctor and when I went to the Oncologist and said why not get the Biopsy from the neck, he said you don't have swollen Lymph Nodes in the neck, he said his were bigger than mine, so got told something that wasn't even true, but I was left to freak out for a while before finding that information out, in-between visits are normally a few weeks here to see those with letters after their names, I had visions of it spreading through my whole body and my sympathetic crowd "almost" came forth with more chocolate.

I was told that they could try and get a Biopsy from another area in the abdominal area, but that they have a better result getting an actual swollen one, even a swollen ones can come back clear and I was told that even if it came back clear in my case, I would still need to get scans in the future to monitor me, because they can get clear readings and you can still have Lymphoma, lovely news isn't it, thought that would help you sleep better, the surgeon didn't want to even bother with doing that, although he did say they should look at fine needle Biopsy which he said would be a safer option and probably worth trying, when I told the Oncologist that, he again doesn't think that's an ideal way of doing it, to be honest I will be pressuring him to take that road first, if they come back more swollen. I am sure my Oncologist is having regression symptoms from a fishing incident when he was a child ha ha, I think he wants me guttered like a fish no matter what.

It sounds good that your nodes seem to have gone down a bit, hopefully they will go all the way back down and start behaving themselves again, the Lymphatic system is amazing and how it works is awesome.

Have you any children, I have a daughter and a son, my Daughter Karla is 16 and my son Michael is 10.

On a serious note, I am thinking about you and your in my thoughts daily and I am hoping you get good news soon, cause I am running out of jokes, wink wink :0)

All the best and *BIG HUGS* <<< oh cute you got another over due hug from a stranger in the LAND DOWN UNDER where woman glow and men plunder.

PS: there are no smilely Icons buttons on these message boards, oh I do miss them.

Michaela :0)

Subject: RE: just a bit worried
Date: 04/25/2008

Well, I think I was being over optimistic about it getting smaller, it is still quiete obviously there!  Not helped I think by wearing underwear.  I think I may have to start going commando Ha Ha!

Got an appointment on Monday to see the doctor again because I got a call yesterday about a potential 4/5 week contract in - wait for it! - Sydney!  Would love to go, but it would mean leaving within a couple of weeks which would be shortly after the scan so just want to check with her that a) I would get the results back quickly if there was something wrong and b) in the miniscule, outside, highly unlikely chance that there is something wrong, that a few weeks away wouldn't make any difference, no matter what it is.  I know she won't be able to tell me anything but figure it will be a good opportunity to be able to express my internet surfing hyperchondriac fuelled fears :-).  Actually, even if there was something wrong I expect the next appointment wouldn't be till I get back anyway, so should be OK!

On the children front, no I haven't got any.  Never been particularly maternal and so wasn't a priority.  I have had my moments mind you, usually when I've been in a relationship for a while and thought 'mmm maybe it's time but that usually coincided with the guy buggering off shortly after!  Did even consider sperm donation recently (from a proper sperm back, not that I was roaming the streets looking for potential daddies LOL!), but I soon came to my senses. 

Flowers? Chocolates? extra hugs?  Damn, I think I've played down my worry too much.  Oh well, a hug from a stranger is so much better, so thanks for that one :-).

Where abouts in Oz are you?  Would say I'll pop in to say hello if I get out there, but unless you're very close to Sydney, it's one helluva big country so might not be possible!

Well, you know you're in my thoughts too and here's a HUG right back at ya!  I was thinking I should send you a private mail with my email address but in the meantime, we'll just have to keep everyone on here amused with our stories :-).

Take care

Sue :-D

 

Subject: RE: just a bit worried
Date: 04/25/2008

Good to hear from you again thought you had disapeared on us.

I am in Perth way over the other side, hopefully you will be able to come to Oz at least that way your mind will be busy thinking of kangas.

Sure is a big country in comparison to the UK, my hubby and I came over in 96 and I refused to drive there, I had to read the map book and we had a blue over where the street was we were looking for, I kept telling him to slow down because he had driven through three suburbs! Which would normally be equal to around 2-3 here, I thought the traffic was mad, but organized, unlike here they have no excuse for road rage here.

Yeah do away with the duds who needs them anyway, at least you will have less washing to do.

Well keep us updated on those monkeys, yeah I don’t know how one sends on their email or yahoo chat IDs here, will find out.

 

Catch ya

Michaela
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