In A State Of Confusion

It seems like this horrible nightmare that progressively gets worse. In and out of the hospital, ups and downs. Emotionally drained! I feel like I can't breathe or sleep and I feel guilty for living. My Dad...my hero. He has been though so much and continues his up hill battle daily. He wants to give up. I understand his reasoning but I can't make my heart understand. He is everything to me. He is the reason for my existance and I want to do everything to make him better BUT I can't. I have to help him get through this. I can't let go. I can't see him suffer anymore. I know, I am selfish, I am a coward because I fall to pieces when he needs me. Ia m so confused and so hurt that this is happening to him.

you are not selfish nor a coward.you are a child who is scared to death at what your dad is going through. Draw your strenght from him. When you feel weak and afraid look at how hard he is fighting, When he is weak give him strenght from you by being supportive and understanding. There  will be ups and downs but you must embrase each moment with love and courage. Allow yourself anger and saddness this is normal.Dont let cancer take over your life. Remember who your dad was before he had cancer and hold on to the hope he  will beat this. God has a plan for all of us. Hang in there im sure your dad  would want you to.

What you are feeling is typical.  You have a right to be angry, confused and exhausted, both mentally and physically.  This is a painful process.  Give him support, love and be grateful for every second you have with your dad.  He knows it's hard on you also.  Many times it is harder on the caregiver than the patient.  They have an inner strength that is inspiring.  Take care of yourself; eat, sleep when possible, feel no guilt.  God bless you.

Diane