Should I Asked The Oncologist About Prognosis?

Hi -

I'm confused and scared if I should asked the oncologist about my husband's prognosis.  My husband has stage IV colon cancer with mets in his liver, and a partial bowel obstruction because tumors reoccured in his small intestine and are causing the blockage.  My husband can't eat any solids, or even soft diets.  He drinks only liquids and sometimes soup with little bit of noodles.  Doctor said he can try eating soft foods, but my husband doesn't want to because he feels really bloated and feels that the food just sits there.  There are even times when he doesn't want to drink because he feels it's not passing through.  It's a good thing that he has the total parental nutrition so even if he's not eating he's getting some nutrition.  We've been with his oncologist twice after finding out in late March of the partial obstruction, but the oncologist didn't mention anything about prognosis.  Even when we first met with him.  I guess each doctors are different, I'm sure if we asked he'll tell us.  Last year when we first met with the oncologist, I didn't asked about the prognosis because I had hopes that things will turn out good because they were able to resect the tumor from his colon and was planning on doing the liver resection.  Until we found out that more tumors grew back in his small intestine and they cancelled the liver resection.  All the oncologist said was that he was sorry only chemo is the only treatment option and surgery was out of the question.  And he's hoping that my husband will respond well this time was he did with is chemo last year.  I've been reading alot of postings and articles about stage IV cancer patients with bowel obstructions and it seems like the life expectancy isn't long.  I know I'm in denial and just don't want to admit that this is all happening to my husband.  Is there any out there who has or knows anyone who has encountered this same situation and what the outcome was.

Sometimes we are concerned that if we ask the Doctor for a prognosis we will get bad news.  You are only being human.  There are times when I didn't ask for the same reasons.  But eventualy I have reluctantly moved forward and asked the tough questions.  I have been fortunate and have received mostly good news.  Yours could be the same and it may not.  I prayed a lot and had the support of my family and friends.  It will give you the benefit of being in a better position to determine you schedules, and plan your life in general.  Be strong and pray and do what you think is best for you and your family.  God bless and good luck.  

 

On 4/22/2008 Arnold wrote:

Sometimes we are concerned that if we ask the Doctor for a prognosis we will get bad news.  You are only being human.  There are times when I didn't ask for the same reasons.  But eventualy I have reluctantly moved forward and asked the tough questions.  I have been fortunate and have received mostly good news.  Yours could be the same and it may not.  I prayed a lot and had the support of my family and friends.  It will give you the benefit of being in a better position to determine you schedules, and plan your life in general.  Be strong and pray and do what you think is best for you and your family.  God bless and good luck.  

You're right.  I'm just afraid that if it's a poor prognosis then my husband will loose hope and will stop fighting this battle.  But then also, if I was in his shoe I would probably want to know how much time I have so I can spend it at my fullest and take care of matters than needs to be taken care of while I have the strenght.  I'm happy that things have been working out for you.  God bless

Sadly I went through this with my Mom, diagnosed October 2006 and passed away October 2007 and now shockingly my Dad also diagnosed stage IV in February this year.  Mom was onl y 63, Dad 65 and I am in a state of loss... but I can tell I have the "timeframe" conversations with the doctor myself so I can best prepare.  Doctors are not God and anything can happen, the best doctor told me not to mourn the living and anyone can get hit by a bus tomorrow... but of course it is with some comfort to kind of know what to expect and when... my Mom passed away about six to eight months before they thought she would.... but I was sure to be with her every day and enjoy since it was an unknown.  I think you should alone call the doctor and hear what he has to say.  Your husband will ask if he wants to know.  Often we don't ask questions we don't want to hear answers too.  I pray for a miracle for my Dad every day.  I can't imagine losing both parents so very young, but I know the reality is not great even if I don't want to believe it.  Good luck and I hope all turns around for you both!

 

On 4/23/2008 Msmittens wrote:

Sadly I went through this with my Mom, diagnosed October 2006 and passed away October 2007 and now shockingly my Dad also diagnosed stage IV in February this year.  Mom was onl y 63, Dad 65 and I am in a state of loss... but I can tell I have the "timeframe" conversations with the doctor myself so I can best prepare.  Doctors are not God and anything can happen, the best doctor told me not to mourn the living and anyone can get hit by a bus tomorrow... but of course it is with some comfort to kind of know what to expect and when... my Mom passed away about six to eight months before they thought she would.... but I was sure to be with her every day and enjoy since it was an unknown.  I think you should alone call the doctor and hear what he has to say.  Your husband will ask if he wants to know.  Often we don't ask questions we don't want to hear answers too.  I pray for a miracle for my Dad every day.  I can't imagine losing both parents so very young, but I know the reality is not great even if I don't want to believe it.  Good luck and I hope all turns around for you both!

I agree with MsMittens,  you should either call the doctor or at a convenient time talk to him without your husband present.  There are so many different colon cancers and where they go and how they act.  I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in november of 2003.  did a year of chemo, a year in remission although my cea kept going up slowly it took about a year to determine where the tumor was located.  When we found it they removed it via surgery in march 2006 only to have another recurr in two months.  I've now been on chemo 21 months now and it appears after several moves towards remission, my cancer has decided to show me who's boss and is resisting even the chemo so since I've had every colon cancer chemo drug we are trying mixing different ones together.  I guess my point is I'm going on 5yrs of surviving and I feel very fortunate, but I also know I"m running out of options if this doesn't work.  I refuse to believe I"m going to die so I keep fighting and try to keep a positive attitude, EAT and exercise.  

You need to encourage your husband to eat and if need be ask about a medication that will increase his appetite (marinol works but gives you a major appetitie, it helps reduces pain and also makes you want to go out and rent cheech and chong movies if you know what I mean) lol.  Like one post noted, doctors are not God and the mind is one very powerful tool. 

Having said that, I do however also try to prepare my loved ones that the worse case scenerio could come true and who knows when it will be so get finances in order, Also that we should enjoy each day we spend together and especially the days inwhich I feel good and remember them when we are having a bad days. 

 I also try to make me feel like I'm helping myself by eating all the antioxident fruits and vegetables, avoid red meat, and even try those drinks people sell based on their ability to improve your health and fight cancer.  No matter what it is if you believe it could help it will help in some ways.  My sister was visiting me and she said Broccoli Sprouts shrink tumors and help fight cancer.  So why not, mix them in a salad, tuna, just about anything.  I imagine you could liquify them with a blender and add them to a liquid or softfood diet.

I also have side effect that I can't shutup LOL . Sorry for the long post. 

Caregivers are the most wonderful people in the world and you should give yourself a hug because it is also the toughest job. Make sure you have a network of support and take time for yourself so you aren't in the fight 24/7.  It is noble but 24/7 will burn you out.   I truly would rather be the patient than the caregiver.  Having cancer is no picnic but caring for someone with it is even less of a picnic because you are so helpless to do anything to fix it, but play the most important part by being supportive and trying to keep your husband upbeat, eating and keeping a positive attitude.  God Bless You. 

 As you can see I have good support.  My major problem is worrying about those left behind.  What will they do without a wonderful person like me if I die. ROFL just kidding.  Everyone staying behind to live life should know those of us who may die before  you would want you to live your lives to the fullest and take from this experience a new love for life and how to live it by enjoying each day.  Like one post or doctor said, you could be hit by a bus tomorrow.  No one knows when they will die, some of us have a little better idea, but no one knows.  I also believe no one dies as long as they are remembered.  Hopefully as a good person but for me just that people remember me. lol (I know I'm weird, blame it on the chemo)

 Tell your husband I said to keep his head up and believe he can't kick this diseases butt no matter how bad it seems. 

You don't want to be the patient, believe me.  This ain't fun.  I've been fighting this for 3 years and I will fight it to the end.  Going thru 12 major surgeries,  3 rounds of chemo, endless blood tests, radiation , emergency rooms, many scans,  you name it.   God bless the caregivers, but you don't want what I have.

 

On 4/23/2008 Msmittens wrote:

Sadly I went through this with my Mom, diagnosed October 2006 and passed away October 2007 and now shockingly my Dad also diagnosed stage IV in February this year.  Mom was onl y 63, Dad 65 and I am in a state of loss... but I can tell I have the "timeframe" conversations with the doctor myself so I can best prepare.  Doctors are not God and anything can happen, the best doctor told me not to mourn the living and anyone can get hit by a bus tomorrow... but of course it is with some comfort to kind of know what to expect and when... my Mom passed away about six to eight months before they thought she would.... but I was sure to be with her every day and enjoy since it was an unknown.  I think you should alone call the doctor and hear what he has to say.  Your husband will ask if he wants to know.  Often we don't ask questions we don't want to hear answers too.  I pray for a miracle for my Dad every day.  I can't imagine losing both parents so very young, but I know the reality is not great even if I don't want to believe it.  Good luck and I hope all turns around for you both!

Did your mom have surgery.  And did she also have a partial bowel obstruction?  I think I will call the oncologist today and asked.  And yes you are right, Doctors are not God.  That was one of the first reasons why I didn't want to know the prognosis, because I feel like everything is in the hands of god.  It is he who only knows when our lives will end. 

 

On 4/24/2008 Arnold wrote:

You don't want to be the patient, believe me.  This ain't fun.  I've been fighting this for 3 years and I will fight it to the end.  Going thru 12 major surgeries,  3 rounds of chemo, endless blood tests, radiation , emergency rooms, many scans,  you name it.   God bless the caregivers, but you don't want what I have.

I know it sucks, and prefer nobody ever had it, but if I had the choice of caregiving to my children, girlfriend or one of my family, I prefer to be the one with the disease rather than the one care giving to someone I Love.

 Wow sounds like you've been through it all.  I've only had 3 surgeries so far, two stays one for liver shutdown after very first chemo and a blood clot.  now I"ve drank more very berry imaging smoothies than I care for and sat that 45 minutes for the radioactive glucous to work it's way through my bod.  Never had radiation as my tumor is in a location which only offers chemo and possibly another surgery to remove. Too close to a major artery to do radiation.  wow 12 surgeries certainly justifies your statment. :) I love your atttitude of fighting it to the end.  I share that same attitude and won't believe It's going to kill me until I'm taking my last breath and then I'll still doubt it. :)

 

I had radiation last year for a 5 centimeter tumor that recurred next to a major artery in my right pelvic area.  It was located right at the point where the veins and arteries branch and go to the leg.  I had chemo at the same time.  Radiation was for 35 days straight in Nov an Dec.  It's gone!!  Radiation Doc intervened and said I can get that, and he did thank God. I am curently in remission and  will continue with infused chemo (Folfox, etc.) until the last of May to kill any remaining microspic cells.  My CEA last week was 2.7  (norm 0 to 5)  the lowest it has ever been.  I was told the radiation would not have any harmfull effect on the artery.  It didn't.  It actualy encased the artery.  You might want to check again.  Good Luck. 

 

On 4/24/2008 Arnold wrote:

I had radiation last year for a 5 centimeter tumor that recurred next to a major artery in my right pelvic area.  It was located right at the point where the veins and arteries branch and go to the leg.  I had chemo at the same time.  Radiation was for 35 days straight in Nov an Dec.  It's gone!!  Radiation Doc intervened and said I can get that, and he did thank God. I am curently in remission and  will continue with infused chemo (Folfox, etc.) until the last of May to kill any remaining microspic cells.  My CEA last week was 2.7  (norm 0 to 5)  the lowest it has ever been.  I was told the radiation would not have any harmfull effect on the artery.  It didn't.  It actualy encased the artery.  You might want to check again.  Good Luck. 

Thanks, I'll have to revisit that maybe with a second opinion doctor.  My cea was down to 9 about 6 months ago now around 255 but all the activity is showing in one place only.  Last time I was told it was inbetween my colon and pancreas.  The first one was removed it required 3 stitches to myh veina cave artery which the surgeon said is about as big as your thumb.  They can always remove the tumor surgically, their hesitation is that it will just grow back and they can't keep opening me up to hunt for tumors.  The area it is in also requires searching around for the damn thing. Last time took 2 surgeons holding my different organs to find it. lol I felt so violated. lol j/k  Anyway, thanks for the advice, If my new mix doesn't work I'm going to let the doc know just to get more heads involved I'm going to get a second opinion.