Easily Agitated?

So my huband, I and the kids went to see his mom yesterday evening because we hadn't seen her for a week. She seemed to be doing alot better attitude-wise. She told us the doc gave her zoloft to calm down her "antsy-ness"...She however still seemed ready to "jump out of her skin" any minute. She constantly was shaking her legs, whether sitting or standing. She also moved her upper body some too. We tried to just ignore it figuring this was some type of side effect of the cancer. But then I thought about it and she didn't display this while she was having treatments, only after.

And then there's the kids...one's 16 months and one's 3 1/2 years. They are at best mildly hyper. They're kids! And my husband and I took care of the kids the whole time. We didn't ask his parents to do anything regarding the kids. We were only there 2 hours.The longer we were there the more annoyed my mother-in-law seemed to get. So I hurried to wash the supper dishes thinking she wouldn't have to wash them after we left and could relax. Then my daughter accidentally knocked something off of a stand and it hit my mother in laws leg. My husband just happened to be coming out of the bathroom and heard her say to his dad " They NEED to go" . You would have thought someone had lit my husband on fire. He had the kids 'shoes on, the diaper bag ready and was practically pushing me out the door.

At the time I couldn't figure out what was going on. But then as we drove home I asked him what was up. Then he told me. He was really upset and I still think he is. I try to tell him that it's probably just the disease and not his mom, but he's having a tough time coming to terms with GBM. I mean, it's in their brains...who knows what happens up there. I usually try to schedule a little bit of time for her with our family once a week, but my husband doesn't want to take our kids around if she may possibly have another "moment".

 I thought it would be a good idea, that if she would like to see them, she and his father could just come to our house,that way if she has had enough or feels similar to how she did yesterday, they could just leave.

 It is so heartbreaking for me to see my mother-in-law go from a happy individual to a fidgety,somewhat aggressive woman. It's also heartbreaking to see my husband lose his "normal" mother and my children to lose their grandma. I know that this disease can totally change a person, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen to her. At least not this fast. She was just diagnosed 2 1/2 months ago.

 Is this something that is going to get worse, or is it maybe just because she's anxious at getting her first MRI results in another week? Sorry I'm rambling but I just can't seem to shake this issue. I'm sure I need to pray about it again. Well thanks for listening everyone. God bless~

My dad diag 11/16 got very agitated, manic the week he started radiation and then didn't return to normal until about 2 weeks after he finished radiation.  He was very agressive and seemed violent and then it seems overnight it went away and he is now my dad again.  I have a 22mth old and I was very scared us all being under one roof, but now he's wonderful with her.  there is still some underlying agrevation but his memory is getting really bad and he seems to be in more pain so I think it's more stress agrevation now.  Hang in there, it does get better (at least it did for us) but it is REALLY rough going through the mental aspects of this disease and what's worse is your (at least we weren't) given any information so that we expected or were prepared for it.  You forget alot of the bad times because your so relieved when your loved one acts like your loved one again.  Now every day is a blessing that we get to spend together. 

Do you know if your mother-in-law is taking dexamethasone (Decadron)? It's a steroid medication commonly given to GBM patients to control swelling in the brain. This drug can have major side-effects changing the patient's mood and personality. My father has been taking dexamethasone since his diagnosis in January. At higher levels it turned him into a "crazy-person". Angry, agitated, paranoid, etc. It was very hard to live with. His dose is getting lower and lower and this side-effect has gotten much better. The doctors also added risperdal to help manage this.

Anyway, that's just one possible explanation.

My advice is to try not to take it personally. They are going through a lot and won't react in any way you might find reasonable or rational. It's no one's fault. All your efforts to make the visit easier for them might seem unappreciated, but it really has nothing to do with you. Don't feel bad.

Perhaps visit alone, just you, or your husband. Don't stay long. Only bring the children if your mother-in-law asks for that. It's extra work for you, and might be overwhelming for her. And don't be offended if they might not want to visit you. You never know, it might be an exhausting effort for them to get ready to go somewhere. In my dad's case, just getting ready and going to a doctor visit could wipe him out for the whole day.

Just some thoughts. Good luck to you. 

No, she's not on any type of steroids. And she's always the one asking for the kids...I just think it's at a tough point right now and maybe we'll just step aside for a week or so and see how things work out. Maybe she just needs a little alone time right now too. Even though they're sick, they're still human and sometimes we all just want to be left alone, or at least I know I do :) Thanks for your response and God bless~

This seems to be a common theme with brain tumor patients.  My husband is also easily agitated.  He can't take noise and chaos.  He loves our two grandchildren so much but if they are here and start getting noisy and wrestling around, he gets very agitated.  He can't stand the noise in the chemo room.  The beeping IV machines make him crazy.   If the nurses are laughing and talking loudly with each other or the patients, he gets upset.  I take ear plugs for him.  Same thing, if we have to wait very long for doctor's appointments or for his treatment.  Also he gets agitated if something unexpected happens.  Once we went in for treatment and they sent him back down to the lab for additional blood work.  Yikes!  He threw a glass of gingerale towards a trash can.  It missed and hit the window.  Fortunately, it was a paper cup.    I think its a combination of the steroids, the brain tumor and the poison they inject every two weeks. 

I'm sure your mother in law loves your children.  Maybe short visits - or your suggestion about having her come to your house and when it all gest too much, she can just have your father in law take her home.

This disease is no fun for any of us, is it?

Warmest regards,

Barb

Husband dx 4/07, inoperable GBM IV.  Temodar and Radiation did not work.  On Avastin / CPT-11 since July 07 with very good results.

 

On 4/26/2008 gr8ful4itall wrote:

So my huband, I and the kids went to see his mom yesterday evening because we hadn't seen her for a week. She seemed to be doing alot better attitude-wise. She told us the doc gave her zoloft to calm down her "antsy-ness"...She however still seemed ready to "jump out of her skin" any minute. She constantly was shaking her legs, whether sitting or standing. She also moved her upper body some too. We tried to just ignore it figuring this was some type of side effect of the cancer. But then I thought about it and she didn't display this while she was having treatments, only after.

And then there's the kids...one's 16 months and one's 3 1/2 years. They are at best mildly hyper. They're kids! And my husband and I took care of the kids the whole time. We didn't ask his parents to do anything regarding the kids. We were only there 2 hours.The longer we were there the more annoyed my mother-in-law seemed to get. So I hurried to wash the supper dishes thinking she wouldn't have to wash them after we left and could relax. Then my daughter accidentally knocked something off of a stand and it hit my mother in laws leg. My husband just happened to be coming out of the bathroom and heard her say to his dad " They NEED to go" . You would have thought someone had lit my husband on fire. He had the kids 'shoes on, the diaper bag ready and was practically pushing me out the door.

At the time I couldn't figure out what was going on. But then as we drove home I asked him what was up. Then he told me. He was really upset and I still think he is. I try to tell him that it's probably just the disease and not his mom, but he's having a tough time coming to terms with GBM. I mean, it's in their brains...who knows what happens up there. I usually try to schedule a little bit of time for her with our family once a week, but my husband doesn't want to take our kids around if she may possibly have another "moment".

 I thought it would be a good idea, that if she would like to see them, she and his father could just come to our house,that way if she has had enough or feels similar to how she did yesterday, they could just leave.

 It is so heartbreaking for me to see my mother-in-law go from a happy individual to a fidgety,somewhat aggressive woman. It's also heartbreaking to see my husband lose his "normal" mother and my children to lose their grandma. I know that this disease can totally change a person, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen to her. At least not this fast. She was just diagnosed 2 1/2 months ago.

 Is this something that is going to get worse, or is it maybe just because she's anxious at getting her first MRI results in another week? Sorry I'm rambling but I just can't seem to shake this issue. I'm sure I need to pray about it again. Well thanks for listening everyone. God bless~

My husband (dx 12/06) gets very agitated.  BUT it's not only at the young children, it's at me, everyone.  In the beginning it wasn't so bad, but as he was on more and more decadron the agitation became worse.  At one time he was almost off the decadron and still agitation was there.  In November he had a setback where another tumor was found on the left side of the brain and the confusion and agitiation was absolutely awful.   It became a little better, but recently it has become much worse.  He is facing the end of his battle and has been told that there are no more treatments available to him because he has a vena cava filter for blood clots and the clots extend from the filter down into both legs.  His platelets have been low since December.  When the agitation comes now, it is not directed towards anything/anyone.  I say it is the tumor talking, not my husband.  He loves his grandchildren/children and had always wanted to have them around.  Even now he asks where they are when there not at our house.  BUt when they come over, he can't handle much communication with them.  Just think what your husbands father is going through when you are not around.  He's probably not telling you  much because he loves his wife so much.  Just remember GBM changes the way the brain works.  People with GBM cannot control emotions.  My husband doesn't even remember he's at our own house.  He wants to know when I'm taking him home or how long we are staying "here".  I wish your family the best in this battle. 

 

On 4/26/2008 gr8ful4itall wrote:

So my huband, I and the kids went to see his mom yesterday evening because we hadn't seen her for a week. She seemed to be doing alot better attitude-wise. She told us the doc gave her zoloft to calm down her "antsy-ness"...She however still seemed ready to "jump out of her skin" any minute. She constantly was shaking her legs, whether sitting or standing. She also moved her upper body some too. We tried to just ignore it figuring this was some type of side effect of the cancer. But then I thought about it and she didn't display this while she was having treatments, only after.

And then there's the kids...one's 16 months and one's 3 1/2 years. They are at best mildly hyper. They're kids! And my husband and I took care of the kids the whole time. We didn't ask his parents to do anything regarding the kids. We were only there 2 hours.The longer we were there the more annoyed my mother-in-law seemed to get. So I hurried to wash the supper dishes thinking she wouldn't have to wash them after we left and could relax. Then my daughter accidentally knocked something off of a stand and it hit my mother in laws leg. My husband just happened to be coming out of the bathroom and heard her say to his dad " They NEED to go" . You would have thought someone had lit my husband on fire. He had the kids 'shoes on, the diaper bag ready and was practically pushing me out the door.

At the time I couldn't figure out what was going on. But then as we drove home I asked him what was up. Then he told me. He was really upset and I still think he is. I try to tell him that it's probably just the disease and not his mom, but he's having a tough time coming to terms with GBM. I mean, it's in their brains...who knows what happens up there. I usually try to schedule a little bit of time for her with our family once a week, but my husband doesn't want to take our kids around if she may possibly have another "moment".

 I thought it would be a good idea, that if she would like to see them, she and his father could just come to our house,that way if she has had enough or feels similar to how she did yesterday, they could just leave.

 It is so heartbreaking for me to see my mother-in-law go from a happy individual to a fidgety,somewhat aggressive woman. It's also heartbreaking to see my husband lose his "normal" mother and my children to lose their grandma. I know that this disease can totally change a person, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen to her. At least not this fast. She was just diagnosed 2 1/2 months ago.

 Is this something that is going to get worse, or is it maybe just because she's anxious at getting her first MRI results in another week? Sorry I'm rambling but I just can't seem to shake this issue. I'm sure I need to pray about it again. Well thanks for listening everyone. God bless~

My

My mother also has GBM stage IV.  I miss seeing my grandchildren like I used to. Unfortunately the noise and the activity of the kids (3 and 1 yrs old.)  I also have used those exact words to my daughter when I see it is being affected by them being there so long.  A half hour is about all any of us can take.  I am exhausted from caring for her for the last 6 months.  She hasn't been able to walk or talk since Thanksgiving.  Tell your husband, his mother is sick.  He should be the one with understanding.  It is a terrible disease and has many effects that none of us will ever know.  Maybe he should come alone to visit his mother to spend some quality time with her.  She will die eventually from this disease.  There is NO cure.  All treatments are just for buying time.  You just have to decide if the treatments out weigh the benefits.  

I go to see my grandchildren whenever I am able to.  That way I can leave when I have had enough.  She can't go, as she is in the last stages.  My priority now is my mother.  I have to side with her and her feelings as I am sure your husbands father is doing as well.  Your husband needs to accept the course this disease will take and enjoy the time he has left with his mother.  You can explain to your children as much as you can for their age how their grandmother is sick and when they are at her house to be on their best behaviour and keep any family visits short.

Sorry just reread your post and saw the ages of your children.  If you do continue to visit, like I said 30 minutes is probably about all that will be well tolerated.  2 hours is way too long for most people living without small children around, let alone someone who is sick.  When you live with small children you forget how peaceful and quiet it is without them.   It's like a tornado came through my house after they leave in many ways, and I love them but I need to rest just from the roar of all the activity.  That's a best part of being a grandparent.  You get to enjoy them, then they go home.

 

On 4/26/2008 gr8ful4itall wrote:

So my huband, I and the kids went to see his mom yesterday evening because we hadn't seen her for a week. She seemed to be doing alot better attitude-wise. She told us the doc gave her zoloft to calm down her "antsy-ness"...She however still seemed ready to "jump out of her skin" any minute. She constantly was shaking her legs, whether sitting or standing. She also moved her upper body some too. We tried to just ignore it figuring this was some type of side effect of the cancer. But then I thought about it and she didn't display this while she was having treatments, only after.

And then there's the kids...one's 16 months and one's 3 1/2 years. They are at best mildly hyper. They're kids! And my husband and I took care of the kids the whole time. We didn't ask his parents to do anything regarding the kids. We were only there 2 hours.The longer we were there the more annoyed my mother-in-law seemed to get. So I hurried to wash the supper dishes thinking she wouldn't have to wash them after we left and could relax. Then my daughter accidentally knocked something off of a stand and it hit my mother in laws leg. My husband just happened to be coming out of the bathroom and heard her say to his dad " They NEED to go" . You would have thought someone had lit my husband on fire. He had the kids 'shoes on, the diaper bag ready and was practically pushing me out the door.

At the time I couldn't figure out what was going on. But then as we drove home I asked him what was up. Then he told me. He was really upset and I still think he is. I try to tell him that it's probably just the disease and not his mom, but he's having a tough time coming to terms with GBM. I mean, it's in their brains...who knows what happens up there. I usually try to schedule a little bit of time for her with our family once a week, but my husband doesn't want to take our kids around if she may possibly have another "moment".

 I thought it would be a good idea, that if she would like to see them, she and his father could just come to our house,that way if she has had enough or feels similar to how she did yesterday, they could just leave.

 It is so heartbreaking for me to see my mother-in-law go from a happy individual to a fidgety,somewhat aggressive woman. It's also heartbreaking to see my husband lose his "normal" mother and my children to lose their grandma. I know that this disease can totally change a person, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen to her. At least not this fast. She was just diagnosed 2 1/2 months ago.

 Is this something that is going to get worse, or is it maybe just because she's anxious at getting her first MRI results in another week? Sorry I'm rambling but I just can't seem to shake this issue. I'm sure I need to pray about it again. Well thanks for listening everyone. God bless~

 

HI:

 

I am so sorry to hear of your MIL's GBM. My wife was diagnoses June-07, and experienced a little bit of the same as you describe. In her case it was conntected to the Decadron (steriods) she was taking for post op swellng. She was on this after the surgery and through the radiation treatments. I don;t know if you mom is on any steriods, but agitation is almost a given if so.The good news is, that once the surgery and radiation ends you can normally reduce the dose (by tapering it off).

Once my wife was free of the steroids, she was back to her old self.