In Need Of Advice

My husband has just been diagnosed with Stage 4 EC with mets to liver, kidney and lung. We were told without the mets...survival of 12 months is expected but due to the mets....4-6 months. Doctor also stated "that doesn't mean I haven't seen someone at 2 1/2 years". While I am saddened by this news I am also a realist and take charge person while my spouse procrastinates by nature. I am having anxiety over what the future will bring for both of us. At this point he is talking of "going back to work next week" but it is difficult to even get off the couch or take a shower. I am trying to encourage him to get our affairs in order but he heard "2 1/2 years". I would and am looking forward to the 2 1/2 years but also feel we should get things in order now so we can enjoy those years. I am so afraid he will depart this world and no affairs will be in order. I need help and not sure where to turn. 

 

On 5/4/2008 rncaregiver wrote:

My husband has just been diagnosed with Stage 4 EC with mets to liver, kidney and lung. We were told without the mets...survival of 12 months is expected but due to the mets....4-6 months. Doctor also stated "that doesn't mean I haven't seen someone at 2 1/2 years". While I am saddened by this news I am also a realist and take charge person while my spouse procrastinates by nature. I am having anxiety over what the future will bring for both of us. At this point he is talking of "going back to work next week" but it is difficult to even get off the couch or take a shower. I am trying to encourage him to get our affairs in order but he heard "2 1/2 years". I would and am looking forward to the 2 1/2 years but also feel we should get things in order now so we can enjoy those years. I am so afraid he will depart this world and no affairs will be in order. I need help and not sure where to turn. 

 

Hello there. I am replying from the UK to say that you should contact your oesophageal patient support group in the country you live in. In the UK, it is www.opa.org.uk and their email address is

--Message edited by CancerCompass staff. For personal protection, email address removed. Consider private reply. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html--

. You can always email them to get some clear advice as they have been through similar experiences. Wishing you the best.

My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 EC with mets to the liver in Nov. 2004.  He survived until Nov. 2006.  He received chemo, radiation, and RFA twice to his liver.  The last RFA was done in Sept. 2006 and I feel it damaged his liver to the degree it was unable to recover, however, it was his choice to do the second RFA.  Your husband is probably resisting "getting his affairs in order" because to do so would be admitting that he's terminal.  I'm sure he's depressed and you might want to speak with his Dr. about that.  The put my husband on Celexa and Ativan.  Enjoy every moment you have together and may God bless you both.

Thank you so much! You have given me hope!!!!!!  Statistics are there to beat! Thanks

My husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer Sept 06, with mets to the liver, lungs and stomach. He just passed away April 20th 2008. In all it was 19 months  He was never able to return to work but put up a  hugh fight against this horrible disease..He was treated at Dana Farber Hosp in Boston mostly with trial drugs Avastin and several others..My prayers and thoughts are with you and your husband. Joanie

 

On 5/4/2008 rncaregiver wrote:

My husband has just been diagnosed with Stage 4 EC with mets to liver, kidney and lung. We were told without the mets...survival of 12 months is expected but due to the mets....4-6 months. Doctor also stated "that doesn't mean I haven't seen someone at 2 1/2 years". While I am saddened by this news I am also a realist and take charge person while my spouse procrastinates by nature. I am having anxiety over what the future will bring for both of us. At this point he is talking of "going back to work next week" but it is difficult to even get off the couch or take a shower. I am trying to encourage him to get our affairs in order but he heard "2 1/2 years". I would and am looking forward to the 2 1/2 years but also feel we should get things in order now so we can enjoy those years. I am so afraid he will depart this world and no affairs will be in order. I need help and not sure where to turn. 

Hi there, Although you aren't too clear on what you mean by your "affairs not being in order" I assume you mean an estate plan?  If so, I would recommend that you get a referral to an estate planning attorney and speak to him/her over the phone and explain the situation.  I know that this is a very sensitive subject when there is a serious illness involved.  Believe me, I know.  My dad was diagnosed in January this year.  I work for an estate planning attorney and of course I thought about bringing it up but it was hard.   You may be surprised at how sympathetic attorney's in this field are, some if not most will come to your home to make it easier for you and your family.

If your husband is reluctant, don't pressure him.  He is going through alot and I strongly believe that we can not even begin to imagine what it feels like to be diagnosed with such an awful desease and then hear 2 1/2 years.  For someone like my dad, and probably your husband, it just isn't long enough.  Not for any of us.  It is hard on all of the people that love them but they are the ones going through it.  

It may help to understand that estate plans are important not because he is sick but because EVERYONE needs one, it saves your loved ones time and money.  Its like life insurance, everyone should have it.

Hang in there and keep the faith, doctors do what they can but miracles do happen, don't give up and yes, enjoy everyday and every moment you have.

God bless!