Breaking Down Too Much.

I am new to this board. I am all alone taking care of my Mom who is 83, should be 84 end of this month.

Last week we found out that she has a cancer on her lung and the lung doctor says 3-6 months.

Today, three or four days later she's started throwing up.

I'm not handling this well.

I need to be there for her.

Any suggestions?

I am going to Hospice in the morning if I can leave
her.

Lloyd

I feel for you Lloyd. My mother died of lung cancer over 2 years ago. She didn't quite make it to her 67th birthday. Fortunately she had a faithful husband by her side to help care for her during her 2 year ordeal.

I think that Hospice is a good place to start. Friends and family can help out as well, both yours and your mother's. Granted, her friends are likely to be elderly, but if they are able to visit her, just being there may help pick up your mother's spirits and help get her mind off of her condition, if that's possible. While they are visiting you may be able to get some needed rest or take care of some personal needs. When Hospice visits, you will also have time to rest and take care of other business.

Also, if you haven't done so already and Hospice does not provide advice regarding your mother's legal matters; will, assets, life sustaining efforts, and so forth, I suggest you see an estate lawyer to discuss the preparations and decisions that you and your mother might want to make now so that you do not regret not making then later.

I hope this advice is helpful. One other think I would suggest, if you have a copy of the Bible, take some time out to read it. Draw comfort and strength from God. It may seem that you are alone, but that is not really the case. I thought about you today when I read your message and God is always there.

Take care Lloyd

Mike P.

I happened to read your message & I had to reply. I have been a hospice nurse for 5 years. It is a wonderful organization. You must make sure you are ready for "comfort care" only. Someone cannot be a hospice patient if you choose chemotherapy or curative measures. There are many wonderful services that hospice can help you with. There would be a Registered Nurse you would see your mother at least 1 x week. There is also a nurse on-call 24 hours a day/7 days a week. You can call at any time even if it is just a question. There are also nursing assistants who can give your mother a bath, change her bed, wash her hair, all those "personal things". We also have volunteers who can come to your home if you have an errand to run. Your mother would also enjoy the conversation with someone else. I live in KY & we have a wonderful inpatient unit where patients can come for short stays for symptom management or at the final days of their life. They also have chaplains & social workers to assist in this hard time. I would definitely seek Hospice. I'm sure you will be glad with the choice you have made. Good luck!!!

Lloyd,
It is normal for you to feel like you do. This is alot fro you to cope with as well as seeing your precious mother going thru all of this.You need to find that there are a lot of help for you, pick uo the phone call a ceneter for cancer patients and families. Talk to them they sure have helped me. When I am having a bad day and I feel like I cannot handle it I call and talk to someone and they help me feel better. Also my biggest friend and caregiver for me is our Lord . I have so much comort in him. On my bad days I cry out to him and he comforts me,oh what a feeling that is. Ask him for his help, strength and to give yo faith. and if you have a Bible, repeat Phillipians 4:13,- I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. Believe it and you will see that it does help. You and your mom and family are in my prayers. God Bless you. Sandie

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Focus on the very long life she has had. You are really very fortunate to have had her this long. It is better to let her go than to wish her an even longer and painful illness. A quote I like is "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it
(her life) happened." God bless you both.

Hello Lloyd,
Read the posts saying God is with you -- that is all very good if that is your belief system. It can be a great comfort, but what many Christians fail to realize is -- not all of us ARE Christians. I myself am Pagan and do not know your beliefs. Dealing with this is all very difficult. My father died of lung cancer 20 years ago. He did have my mother there, so I was not in your position, but it was still hard to go through for all of us. They were Christian, and she felt that God had abandoned her and was very angry at him, so the Bible was not a help to her in her time of need -- nor were her church "friends" who quit visiting after the first couple of months. My Pagan friends and I took up the slack. I hope that you have gotten in touch with Hospice. As others have said, it is a wonderful support for her and you. Be good to yourself and know that none of this is your fault. I know that after it is all over, you probably will look back and think of things unsaid or think that you could have done more -- don't do that to yourself. Say them now while there is still time, and realize that you are only human and can't do it all. Give yourself time to take care of you too -- Hospice can help with this -- play music, read -- take a bubble bath -- whatever is pleasurable. Most of all, stay in touch here -- on late nights when you can't sleep, it is a great help. Hugs, Leona

Hi Cindyrae, didn't know you are a hospice nurse. I would like to confirm what you said about Hospice to Lloyd. My husband passed away on Sept. 4 after being diagnosed with esophageal cancer in May. We had hospice for the last week. It was absolutely unbelievable the help they provided. The reassurance of having a nurse on call 24/7, someone coming in to help bathe and change your loved one. They even changed my sheets. Plus they were soooooooooo understanding and helpful. I know I could not have kept my hubby at home without Hospice. You will feel much more relaxed when you have them. Good Luck.