Is It Time To Accept?

Hi everyone,

 My Dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer with mets to the liver in October.  When he was first diagnosed, we thought that conventional western medicine was the way to go, and that people who chose the "natural" route were crazy.  That is what our society has got us believing.  Now I feel the opposite, but that is neither here nor there at this point.

So Dad had 5 months of chemotherepy.  This did not work.  He was so sick when he was on chemo but the 2 weeks in between treatments he was ok.  But after 5 months, we realized the chemo was not working.  They offered him another type of chemo with a 10% chance it might help, but Dad declined.  We started going to naturalpath.  Since a month ago, Dad has been taking hemp oil (phoenix tears hemp oil), apricot seeds, vitamin C infusions, and other supplements.  He has gone from being able to go for short walks to not being able to get out of bed except to go to the bathroom in the last 2 weeks.  He's loosing weight, struggles to talk, has fevers around the clock unless he is on tylenol, which he is a lot.  His abdomon and ankles are swoolen and worst of all, he's always nausious, and throwing up many times a day.  Cannot eat much because of this.

I always had hope through all of this.  Even last week when his medical doctor told him he had a few months to live (he did not know that Dad was doing any alternative treatments)  But we have tried what seems like everything now and nothing is making this any better, he's just getting worse and worse.  Is it time for me to give up hope and accept that he is going to die?  I cannot see how he can come back from being this ill.  I can't see how the treatments he is on could work now that it's been over a month and there is NO sign of him getting any better.  At what point do you give up hope and just accept?

That is such a hard question and one I am struggling with also.  I am ready to fight to the bitter end but I am not sure that my husband feels the same.  I have decided that I will support him with whatever he chooses to do.

Doug has Stage iv Renal Cancer since Sept 2004 with bone and lung mets.  He has had four sugeries and has tried four different treatments.  He has not had any cancer treatment since January because he has so many serious problems in addition to the cancer that are most likely caused by the earlier treatments.  We just saw the onc yesterday and she wants to wait two more months and scan again before restarting treatment to see if they can clear up his other issues first.

He is going to the VA hospital and has had to spend so much time there.  Besides the oncologist he is seeing a cardiologist, a vascular MD, a podiatrist, and a rheumatologist.  He is suffering so much and it is so difficult to watch it.  I think he is losing his will to fight and that scares me.  I do still push him to go to his appointments, to take his meds and to eat and some times it is a battle.  I won't stop that but will honor his wishes if and when he completely refuses.

It is a horrible, horrible thing to go through.  I think we have to stay strong for them, support them in every way, but respect their wishes in the end.  The hardest part is trying to decide if he is really giving up and I need to accept it or if he just is having a bad time and needs encouragement from me to keep fighting.  I know this doesn't answer your question.  I am so glad that you asked it and am hoping there are others who will give their opinion on this and maybe help both of us.

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