Confused

Hi -

I've posted here a couple of times regarding my husband who has colon cancer stage IV with mets to the liver and has now also spread in his small intestine.  Surgery is no longer an option for him, according to his oncologist and that he will just continue to get chemo.  At first I didn't have the gut to asked the oncologist about my husband's prognosis because maybe I was in denial.  But I've talked to his relatives and I was convinced to asked about his prognosis.  This will also help me prepare.  When my husband was receiving chemo treatment, his oncologist came down to see him, and right when my husband had to use the restroom I took the opportunity to asked the oncologist if he thinks my husband will get better.  His answer was unfortunately not, he's condition will actually worsen.  So I took the courage to asked how long did he have, he said months.  Right when I heard months, I was speechless.  Then my husband walks in and I pretended everything was ok.  I asked the oncologist if he thinks I should tell my husband he said for now, don't because he didn't want him to loose hope and just give up.  It has now been about 3 weeks I think she's I've found out about his prognosis.  We've  been in and out of the hospital weekly due to problems with his bowel obstruction.  He hasn't been able to eat and is on TPN.  Now I don't know if I should call the oncologist back and asked exactly how many months.  I'm thinking if my husband had a year to live, the oncologist would have said a year instead of months.  He's loosing weight each day and is now at the hospital recovering from a gastric vent surgery.  A gastric vent was put because we were going in and out of the hospital for his bowel obstruction and he ends up getting an NG Tube each time.  And those are very uncomfortable.  His heart rate has been in the 160's and Dr.s are saying it's due to his pain.  He's a pain patch, and dillaudid for break through pain med.  When I see him go through so much pain, I sometimes wish that God just take him so he can rest in peace and have no more pain.  It hurts to even think about him dying, but it also hurts to see him in pain.

My husband was diagnosed with stage IV Renal cancer in Sept 2004.  At that time most people lived less than 12 months with that.  Doctors don't really know how long a patient will live.  Everyone is different.  There are so many life-extending medications now.  It was hinted at several times that Doug probably did not have much time left.  He was actually in home hospice care about 15 months ago.  But his health improved enough after 6 months to leave hospice and go on a newly approved treatment.

 It has been, and continues to be, a very hard battle.  I understand the difficulty of seeing your loved one in pain.  It is unbearable at times.  But I am so glad he is still here and still fighting.  Just try to remain strong.  My best wishes for both of you.

Chris

 

On 5/16/2008 chrislol wrote:

My husband was diagnosed with stage IV Renal cancer in Sept 2004.  At that time most people lived less than 12 months with that.  Doctors don't really know how long a patient will live.  Everyone is different.  There are so many life-extending medications now.  It was hinted at several times that Doug probably did not have much time left.  He was actually in home hospice care about 15 months ago.  But his health improved enough after 6 months to leave hospice and go on a newly approved treatment.

 It has been, and continues to be, a very hard battle.  I understand the difficulty of seeing your loved one in pain.  It is unbearable at times.  But I am so glad he is still here and still fighting.  Just try to remain strong.  My best wishes for both of you.

Chris

Yeah, this has been very tough.  Can't even imagine how much pain they go through.  When my husband experiences severed pain and weakness he'll just say he wants this to end already.  As much as I don't want to loose him, when I see him suffer I sometimes pray if God's plan is to take his life, then he should just take him soon and not have him suffer anymore.  It hurts to see him like this.  He's in recovery now and were waiting for a room at ICU.  They had to redo his gastric vent surgery which was suppose to help him get relief from his partial bowel obstruction, but complications arised and there was leakage found and this was causing him so much pain, with high fever and fast heart rate.  As weak as he is, I hated to see him go through another surgery, but doctor said it was for the best, which will help his pain.   

Sorry to hear about your husband.  I just want to tell you from my experience with my dad and remember every paitent is different and drs are not god.  My dad did well with cancer for 18 months then he started to get complications from the cancer and went down hill very very fast.  We where in denial and thought he will get stronger and fight longer.  After seeing him suffer for a month we asked the drs what to expect and they said a few months and he died 2 months later.  I think it gets to a point when the dr's get tell from the symptoms the complications and others things how long the patient has left but again they are not god.  Im just telling you this because we where in denial and I feel my dad suffered because of that.  We didnt get him the proper care right away (hospice) so he suffered anxiety and couldnt sleep at night he suffered pain that hospice would of gotton under control if they where there.  Once we got hospice in he was must more comfortable and they help you and the patient physically and mentally go through the process.   We didnt tell our dad that the drs said months and im sorry I didnt because we never talked about his passing on.  We all acted like nothing was wrong and I wish I told him things.  But I truly think my dad couldnd handle the truth.  Mindy 

Hi well my dads cancer spread to his lungs so at the end his lungs kept filling with fluid and that was the beginning of the end for him.  Palative care is different than hospice.  Palative care your husband can still get chemo but if you switch to hospice then he cant get chemo anymore.  Its such a tough decision to make.  I guess you have to talk to the drs to see if chemo at this time will help him and if so how long would it prolong his life and would he have quality of life.  Im so sorry you have to go through this.,  It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through with my dad.  At the end I was so scared I didnt know what to expect.  I didnt know how he would eventualy die and if it would be painful for him.  Let me tell you that he didnt not suffer the last day at all.  He was just uncouncious all day and then took his last breath.  I also wondered what would happen to him on a daily basis until he passed on and if you want me to share that with you I can.  Also Hospice gives you a booklet and it explained everything that would happen and my dad pretty much experienced most of the things in the book.  Again im sorry and if you ever need to talk please feel free to email me.  Mindy

I think I replied to you but I will say it again.  I have a friend in a similar situation and got her compassionate use of DAVANAT/5FU and AVASTIN.  Like your husband she was taking Delodid for pain due to the bone metastis and just wanted it to be over.  Well thanks to her husband fighting she got the DAVANAT mix in the nick of time.  Because the DAVANAT targets the chemo so effectively she was off the Delodid in 3 days and downtown shopping in 5 days.  Now six weeks later she is on her 4th cyle of chemo and hasn't needed a blood transfusion or anything.  You wouldn't have a clue she has been through 3 rounds of chemo.  You shouldn't give up.  Research DAVANAT - it makes the chemo way more effective and since there are no side effects you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  I think your husband would qualify for a compassionate use study.  Call the drug company talk to your doctor - at least try.