He's Gone!

This is hard!!!

As I posted before, my husband was diagnosed with EC cancer with 1 node the last week of November. He went thru chemo and radiation. They told us he was *fixable*. February they scheduled surgery. The day before surgery we arrived for the pre-op stuff, and the surgeon gave us the news that it had spread to the liver, and there was nothing else he can do. We met with the onc. March 13th, and again was told that they could start chemo again, but it would only prolong the reality. My husband declined the chemo, because it made him deathly sick.

On May 12, my husband left us and went to a much better place. He is pain free and cancer free!

I find that by reading this message board, I was prepared for his dying, but was not prepared for the grieving. I am so lost. He was my rock!

I feel like he's just away and will be coming back, yet my heart is so heavy it hurts.

I know I am not the only one who has lost a loved one, can anyone please tell me if this will get easier in time?  How long before I can go a day without the crying, and begging he'd come back?

Diana

I am so sorry for your loss! My heart goes out to you and I wish I had the answers for you. Though I did not lose my husband, the fear I felt after his dx of EC was so great that I pictured myself in your position with that much pain. I can only imagine what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know there are others on this board that can be more help to you. But your post just touched me so much, I wanted you to know I am praying you find some relief from your pain. Kim

 

On 5/19/2008 sweetbabegirl wrote:

This is hard!!!

As I posted before, my husband was diagnosed with EC cancer with 1 node the last week of November. He went thru chemo and radiation. They told us he was *fixable*. February they scheduled surgery. The day before surgery we arrived for the pre-op stuff, and the surgeon gave us the news that it had spread to the liver, and there was nothing else he can do. We met with the onc. March 13th, and again was told that they could start chemo again, but it would only prolong the reality. My husband declined the chemo, because it made him deathly sick.

On May 12, my husband left us and went to a much better place. He is pain free and cancer free!

I find that by reading this message board, I was prepared for his dying, but was not prepared for the grieving. I am so lost. He was my rock!

I feel like he's just away and will be coming back, yet my heart is so heavy it hurts.

I know I am not the only one who has lost a loved one, can anyone please tell me if this will get easier in time?  How long before I can go a day without the crying, and begging he'd come back?

Diana

 

Hi Diana,

I know how you feel and I am so sorry for your loss.  My husband passed away April 16th from a rare tumor, he was 34.   We were married Oct. 16th 2004 and he was diagnosed December that same year.   I feel lost without him and not sure what to do with my time.  I spent the last three years caring for him and can't believe he is actually gone.  I just try to remind myself that he is better now and never has to worry about cancer again.  Sometimes when the tears won't stop I tell him my feelings and ask him to help me get through this.  I believe he is listening and watching over me.  Telling stories about him and our lives together helps..................but sometimes it makes me long for him even more.  I think crying helps so let out any emotion you have.  I don't know if this helps at all but talking to other people on this site makes me feel like i am not alone. 

Patti 

 

 

On 5/19/2008 sweetbabegirl wrote:

This is hard!!!

As I posted before, my husband was diagnosed with EC cancer with 1 node the last week of November. He went thru chemo and radiation. They told us he was *fixable*. February they scheduled surgery. The day before surgery we arrived for the pre-op stuff, and the surgeon gave us the news that it had spread to the liver, and there was nothing else he can do. We met with the onc. March 13th, and again was told that they could start chemo again, but it would only prolong the reality. My husband declined the chemo, because it made him deathly sick.

On May 12, my husband left us and went to a much better place. He is pain free and cancer free!

I find that by reading this message board, I was prepared for his dying, but was not prepared for the grieving. I am so lost. He was my rock!

I feel like he's just away and will be coming back, yet my heart is so heavy it hurts.

I know I am not the only one who has lost a loved one, can anyone please tell me if this will get easier in time?  How long before I can go a day without the crying, and begging he'd come back?

Diana

My prayers are with you.Yes he is in a better place.My husband was diagnoseed with kidney cancer in Nov. of 06,and every day it scares me to think of life without my husband.I cry alot also.He is 50.I also pray alot.So hang in there ,one of these days, we are all going to be together in that big house that God has gone to prepare for us.Take care!!

                                 Rally53

I know how difficult it is for you.  My husband passed away in Nov. 2006 after 2 years of fighting EC with mets to the liver. He was 59.  It does get easier, but a day doesn't go by that I don't think of him, however, now I can think of the funny things and laugh sometimes.  I still cry, just not as hard or as long.  I miss his voice, his touch, just his being around.  I really long for a hug and him telling me everything will be alright.   Just know that you have people here who know exactly what you're going through and will be glad to help you through these sad times.  Take care and God Bless.

Sorry for your loss, Just know his pain and suffering have ended. You are not alone, we are all with you and you will be in my thoughts. Stay strong, time does help, even if you do not think so now, it does. I will keep you in my thoughts.

 

Evelyn

Dear Diana,  I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband.  The loss is so painful, isn't it?  I lost my wonderful husband to stomach cancer on February 22, 2008 and the grief is so profound that it's palpable.  I miss him so much sometimes I cannot bear to get out of bed.  They say it gets easier with time, but for me it has only gotten harder.  The fog of shock has worn off and now I know he is truly gone.  I want him back but it is not to be.  I cry every day for him and am so lost. I have two grown children and four grandchildren, but there is a void only Mike could fill.  He was my everything.  He fought so hard to live that I know I must go on and keep his memory alive.  He has given me alot of memories.  I can only say to you, Diana, that we will be reunited eternally never to be separated again.  Until then...

God help you through your loss and give you peace,

Diane, Mike's wife

I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Chrysti

Thank you all for your prayers and condolenses!

It's no easier today then it was the day he left. I find that my thoughts are jumbled, I get distracted easily, and just no appetite. Falling asleep is easy, but sleeping thru the night is impossible.

I still have the kids here until Sunday. I know it's going to get even harder when they are gone.

Seems I prepared myself for his passing on, (mainly to end his pain), but I did not prepare for the grieving. I just want to touch him again, look into his eyes again. Seems strange, but all along while he was sick, we exchanged the I love you's, we exchanged the hugs, but never actually held each other and said our good byes!

Whom ever reads this, please please cherish each and every minute, hold them, love them, and discuss every important thing you can. Tell them how much you love them and how much you WILL miss them when they are gone. Make sure you get your *goodbye*

I sure hope my days will somehow get easier.

Thank you all for allowing me to vent. My prayers remain with all of you!

Diana

I know how ur feeling. My mum passed on April 9th from this nasty disease. My chest is heavy and am always sad. Its hard, but we'll get through....I hope. I miss my mom terribly....

 Hang in there....