While it is possible that in a very small group of patients who have spectacular results that chemo can remove all visible traces of cancer, for the very great majority of stage IV patients surgery is the the best way to remove the cancer from the body. Since no one can say what started the cancer growing in your friend in the first place, no can say how long it will remain stable and she is at constant risk of progression (meaning that the cancer starts growing again). Also while survival statistics should be taken with a grain of salt because they apply to populations and not individuals, the statistics show that your friend's chances for prolonged survival and possibly even complete removal of the cancer with no recurrence increase if she has the surgery.
Yes, all surgeries come with complications and yes you can find stories of people who have faced significant challenges associated with these surgeries but if you search you will also find stories of people who came through the surgeries with no unexpected complications and who are very glad to have the cancer out of their body.
To be honest, if your friend were my friend, I would storngly encourage her to have the surgery. I would tell her that I would like to go to her next appointments with her for moral support (if she didn'tmind and if it's geographically feasible). I would also tell her to make a list of her questions at home, before she gets to the appointment, and this is important, ---> make two or three copies of the list of questions. She should hand one to the doctor as soon as the appointment starts (or to the nurse to place in the chart when the nurse greets her to take her virtal signs). If you or another friend accompanies her, she should give a copy of the list to you too. By giving the lists to the MD and her moral support she is less likely to skip over questions because they sound silly in the appointment room. She can also tell the MD she would like to make sure to review all the questions so can the MD ensure no questions are passed over (the moral support friend can do this too).
I used to counsel women who were about to undergo hysterectomy to the same thing. I would also tell them that while your physicians may deal with cancer patients all day, every day, this generally only happes to the patient once so you have every right to have all of your questions answered to your satisfaction.
Yes, surgery is scary, but for stage IV it really is the best hope for a better outcome. I do hope your friend reconsiders. We're actually praiying that the MDs will say my husband's liver mets are resectable - we'd be in that OR in no time to get this cancer out of his body!!
Best wishes to your friend and to you!
Juliet