My Father Is In The Hospital...

My father has been pretty lethargic all day and his breathing has been very labored and cracklely.  When my mother got him up to use the bathroom he was very wobblely and called me and I got my BIL to help.  I asked my mom if I should stay since I had an appointment but since my BIL was home she said to go.  I get to the hairdresser and one side of my head has dye in it when I get a call.  They are bringing my father to the hospital - apparently in the bathroom after my father was finished and could not move and called for help.  My BIL who is a radiation therapist came up and told my mother to call for an ambulance.  He had a fever that spiked at 103 and was very dehydrated.  He really does not drink much because he has such a hard time getting up and around (he was fine a week ago and now this).  After the IV was in place he started to come around.  They took x-rays which were clear but kept him overnight to hydrate him and to take a ct scan in the morning to look for a lung infection or pneumonia. He was not happy about staying since he had to spend the night in the ER.  We are afraid that he won't be able to walk once they release him and my mother has stated that it is too much for her.  My sister says no to a nursing home and we are not sure if his insurance will cover a home health aide.  

 We are really stressing out. I cannot believe that things have changed so drastically within weeks.  Honestly I am so afraid he will fall my BP must be through the roof.  I guess we will find out tomorrow when we go to the hospital.

Hi,

Your father may have an infection, but the cancer can also cause fever.  It's important that they figure this out, and he should be kept there until he is stabalized.  There should be social workers at the hospital who can help you figure out what to do when he is released.  There is a level of care -- palliative care -- before hospice, although with hospice you get a lot more.  Try to gather as much information as you can.  Good luck to you.    Roz

Thanks - we went to the hospital today and he was still in the ER.  He seemed okay but alittle confused about the days.  We went back tonight and he was in a room and we walked in and he recognized us but was definitely confused about things.  At one point he says he will get dressed and we could go back to the apartment in Queens.  He and my mother lived there in 1971 after they were married.  He could not remember who visited him in the morning and he kept on making comments about getting out of the bed.  The nurse brought him to the bathroom and he was very unsteady. He also said that the nurse had put 2 pairs of socks on him (she did not).

His roommate has dementia or alzheimers and tends to shout out.  He has a private nurse so he should be fine.  I think that this is the beginning of the end of the road for my father.  The doc says that he could go to rehab to get physical therapy but honestly I think that he needs FT care at this point.

Hopefully he has a peaceful night after he gets his pain meds. I cannot believe how fast things have changed.

Hi,

Some medications can cause that kind of confusion. 

My mother was in the hospital for twelve days.  The doctors wanted to release her into rehab, but only because she was too sick not to have round the clock care.  There was really not going to be any "rehab".  We opted to bring her home with hospice care.  Hospice was great in a lot of ways, but at best, we only had help about an hour a day.  Still, there was always someone to call, and all of our pain medications were taken care of.  My mother also could have gone into a hospice house.  I went to check one out and it was really nice, not at all like a hospital.  I could have stayed there with her as much as I wanted.  In the end, that's not what we did, but it would have been okay.

If your father is not going to have further treatment, it may be time to at least begin talking to hospice.    Roz

He was/is supposed to have radiation and chemo.  Tonight my sister says that my mother was crying saying she thinks my father is dying.  My sister said to me "I do not think that dad will be coming home".  I do not think that my mother could handle in house hospice - if we have to go down that road I think that I would vote for out of the house hospice.

 My BIL called the hospital and they said my father was fine and just went down for his cat scan (11pm and he was supposed to have it this morning).

I hope he is ok when we go tomorrow. 

I feel really bad for my mom.  She is scared to lose her husband (even though she normally says that he gets on her nerves) and she is probably very worried about how she will manage financially.  He will leave her with a mortgage that she cannot afford.  I hope that she will never be alone since my sister and I will not allow it.

My sister on the other hand is crying up a storm.  My father and her have had their issues and she had said that she wishes that he would die (way before he was sick).  During this time I have done the leg work taking him to doctor's appointments and tests and have never asked her for help.  Now that he has been diagnosed she has taken over.  She has always had to be the center of attention.  I let her because I know deep down my father knows that I love him and that I would do anything for him.

 I am not a publicly emotional person but when he goes I will be upset when I walk into the house and not see him sitting in his chair (the spot of his chair is the spot where his mother used to sit.  I was very close to my grandmother and I got over the emotions of not seeing them when I open the front door)

I never got to say goodbye to my grandmother so I hope that we will have a chance to do so for my father...

 Tracy

Tracy,

First off, let me say, "I am sorry about your father's condition."  I felt I had to write to you. Only because, I am also a cancer patient.

I was DX with extended small cell lung cancer, back in, Dec. of 07.'  If, and when I get to the point where decisions must be made for me, I would want to call in Hospice. I would try in home care for a bit. But, going to live with Hospice, would be fine for me, too. I would not want my adult son, (whom resides with me)  to have me die here. I wouldn't want that for him. Besides, with him working daily, he could not be my sole care taker. I mean, if I needed help to go potty and the like.

I hate this disease for more reasons than for myself. Mainly, for the stress, and strain that it has, and will continue to, for my two adult children. I worry more about them than myself. They have their lives to live. I don't want to be a burden to either of them. 

Your family and yourself must agree on what your father would want and your mother, (don't forget her wishes) about all of what ya'all are going through.  I am sure the right decision  will be made by all of ya'all.  Never lose your hope and faith, dear. Good luck to all of ya'all. Hugs.

My Best to You,

Rosie

Savannah, GA.

Update

We went to see my father today around lunch time so we could help him eat since he had a hard time yesterday.  We got there and they were about to put him into a chair. The lunch came and his roommate has dementia or alzheimers so they assign him an aide at all times so they said that they would look after my father as well. My mother cut up his chicken and began to feed him and the aide says "he can eat by himself since he did so this morning" which is fine since we want him to keep up his strength.  My mother cut his chicken and he ate the meal by himself. Everything was going good until he says "what's going on tomorrow - are we going to the hospital".  His confusion is explained later in the post. 

Later on in the day I got a call from the doctor at the hospital - he said that everything is clear with his x-ray and ct scan and that the breathing problems and confusion is due to the meds (I gathered as much since he is on some pretty strong meds) and that he will have PT start to walk with him and that he could be discharged tomorrow.  At his point I start to freak out since we are totally not prepared to bring him home tomorrow.  I say that we are going to need some help with him and he said that the social worker will contact us. My sister has since seen him and stated that we do not want him discharged until all preparations have been set.

I am freaking out a bit - I do not have a problem with him coming home because today after we left him at the hospital he says "can I come home too".  I felt really bad - he sounded like a child.  I have an unrational fear of people falling. At this point I think that he needs a hospital bed and a  commode because he cannot sleep in my parents bed anymore due to pain and had been sleeping in the recliner and the walk to the bathroom is pretty far (for someone who has problems walking). 

My mother is so tired from not sleeping and worrying - I know deep down that while she wants him home she feels safer with him in the hospital.  She says that he should go to rehab to build up his strength so he can walk a little steadier.  

Tomorrow she has to go the bank to get money for food - she used to take care of the financial dealings until my father retired in 1994 who then took over that role.  I have to show her how to fill out the withdrawal slip. She knows that at this point she will have to take on this role with the help of my sister and myself. 

Honestly, I felt more comfortable with him in the hospital because they have more training but if he is not ill enough I feel bad leaving him there when he wants to come home.

I will update tomorrow with th details of his homecoming

On 5/26/2008 TracyR wrote:

Update

We went to see my father today around lunch time so we could help him eat since he had a hard time yesterday.  We got there and they were about to put him into a chair. The lunch came and his roommate has dementia or alzheimers so they assign him an aide at all times so they said that they would look after my father as well. My mother cut up his chicken and began to feed him and the aide says "he can eat by himself since he did so this morning" which is fine since we want him to keep up his strength.  My mother cut his chicken and he ate the meal by himself. Everything was going good until he says "what's going on tomorrow - are we going to the hospital".  His confusion is explained later in the post. 

Later on in the day I got a call from the doctor at the hospital - he said that everything is clear with his x-ray and ct scan and that the breathing problems and confusion is due to the meds (I gathered as much since he is on some pretty strong meds) and that he will have PT start to walk with him and that he could be discharged tomorrow.  At his point I start to freak out since we are totally not prepared to bring him home tomorrow.  I say that we are going to need some help with him and he said that the social worker will contact us. My sister has since seen him and stated that we do not want him discharged until all preparations have been set.

I am freaking out a bit - I do not have a problem with him coming home because today after we left him at the hospital he says "can I come home too".  I felt really bad - he sounded like a child.  I have an unrational fear of people falling. At this point I think that he needs a hospital bed and a  commode because he cannot sleep in my parents bed anymore due to pain and had been sleeping in the recliner and the walk to the bathroom is pretty far (for someone who has problems walking). 

My mother is so tired from not sleeping and worrying - I know deep down that while she wants him home she feels safer with him in the hospital.  She says that he should go to rehab to build up his strength so he can walk a little steadier.  

Tomorrow she has to go the bank to get money for food - she used to take care of the financial dealings until my father retired in 1994 who then took over that role.  I have to show her how to fill out the withdrawal slip. She knows that at this point she will have to take on this role with the help of my sister and myself. 

Honestly, I felt more comfortable with him in the hospital because they have more training but if he is not ill enough I feel bad leaving him there when he wants to come home.

I will update tomorrow with th details of his homecoming

 

Tracy,

I can feel your pain, about your father. When something like this happens in a family, it does change everyones lives. But, think about how your father must feel, too. 

I myself hate being in the hospital. And, I have been in  them about hmmmmmmmmm, say 4 times since being Dx with cancer. (12/07').
I don't blame your father a bit, about him wanting to go home. After his medication amounts are corrected, I bet ya'all will see a huge change in him. To the better, I mean. 

I can see how ya'all are worried how to take care of your father, once he is home. I have no idea how bad his cancer is, as of now. I am a stage 4 of, extended small cell lung cancer, with mets to my liver and bones. As I said earlier, I will be on chemo pills soon. My treatment has come to that, as of now. Is your father stil be treating by his  cancer doctor? What treatment plan is your father on, with his doctor? His age is? How long has he had cancer and what type is it. I need some background on him, please. I am not a DR. But, I am interested in seeing where your father is at now. As far as being treated by his Dr. goes. 

Also, you stated that you felt your father needed a portable potty, a hospital bed and I think a walker would help him as well. Anyway, during my last stay in the hospital, I requested those same items from my Dr. Ya'all will need prescriptions for these items. Medicare  this. But, when you order that hospital bed? You can also order one will then pay for them.  And get this, hon. Most people are not aware ofof those roll about small bedside tables, that they use in the hospital. I did. I got all those items. I had to pick up the potty and walker myself, from a medical supplier. That was no problem. Before your father leaves the hospital, line all of this up. Ok? Tell them you want the bed and table delivered ASAP. I received mine, before I got home from the hospital. I made sure my daughter was here to receive it. It all worked out fine. As a matter of fact, I picked out the top of the line, as far as walkers go. It has a bike brake on it for down ramps. It is padded and has a removable front basket on it. It also has a seat in the front of it. Pretty cool, huh? 

Is your father on oxygen? I am on it 24/7. These people are great at bringing me refills, on the day I request them.  Your father needs to feel as if he has a say in his treatment and be heard by all. That is, if he knows what is going on. As you stated before,"Once his med is decreased a bit, he should do much better, memory wise." See there. He needs to feel a bit of control over his life and his care/treatment.  That, is having some dignity for ones self.

Ya'all need to pull together and not worry about the small stuff. Which most of things in life are just that, small stuff. Planning is fine to do. But, don't start each day thinking about 'death' being around the corner for good Ole dad. Enjoy him. Talk, laugh and get him outside when you can. Also, I can't stress this enough to ya'all. Just be there for him to talk to. And, truly listen to him when he speaks. Ya'all owe this man that much. By virtue of him being your father. Think about it. It's called having respect for a parent. Which I know ya'all do, and how much ya'all love him. Sometimes we must step back and look at what we aren't doing for a person. Talking and listening is what I treasure most. I am sure your father does, too. Calm your mother down, and assure her that  all will be fine. Remember, ya'all 'must' work together on all of this.  Love, kindness, and  true respect, all works well together. Especially, when dealing with a loved one that has cancer. Care givers are not appreciated as much as they need to be. I know I always give praise to my 26 yr. old son, for all the help he continues to give me around here.

So, breathe in and out slowly, Tracy. Everything will work out for ya'all. Hang in there. Keep in touch with me, please. I am here for you. There is always hope. Keep it up front with you daily. Hugs.

Love Ya,

Rosie 

The doctor in the hospital suggested rehab for my father so he will go there for a couple of weeks to build up his strength so he can walk enough to get him around. He is having his radiation consult on Friday so we will get his schedule then.

My father is doing ok but cannot remember much (short term only since he can remember other things that have to do with things from the past) due to the meds.

To add to the stress my mother fell today at the hospital.  They were mopping the floor and I told her to be careful but she slipped. They were not too clear about which side of the floor was safe to walk on. After my screams the nurses and docs came running. She got up and said everything was fine. When we went back to the hospital we find out that her wrist hurts so the QA nurse who was there in the afternoon comes to see her and brings her down to the ER and it turns out to be a sprain and they put her in a wrist brace.  They told her to see an orthopedist because some fractures take up to 72 hours to show up.  Since my fathers appointment on father we will try to get an appointment for Monday.

I just hope that he tolerates the radiation ok.

Tracy