in The Dark

Hi there, My sister has been diagnosed with lung, kidney and hip cancer. The doctors where we are, in the UK say they cannot give her chemo. She is too frightened to ask the dreaded question, i.e. how long. Can anyone tell me why they are not giving chemo, my guess is that it is too late. I would be grateful for some open personal or professional experience on this. Thanks.

Alison, Where did your mother's cancer originate? The answer to your question may have everything to do with the type of cancer that she has. My mother has stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer that has metasasized and has a couple of tumors in her brain, as well as, the tumor in her lung. Her condition is terminal but she has been receiving chemotherapy from the very beginning. She is currently on her third type of chemo because the first two were not effective. The point of chemo, for her, is to prolong her life as long as possible. My advice to you is to ask the doctors directly why they are not attempting chemotheraphy treatments, even if "curing" your mother is not possible. Keep asking until you get an answer that makes sense. My heart goes out to you and your mother and you will both be in my prayers. Tiffany

Alison, I'm sorry. I meant your sister, not your mother.

My heart goes out to you and your family. My wife was diagnosed with Stage 3B. She lived 11 months and 1 day after the Dx. She fought hard. We tried all the latest. Encourage her to get her spiritual life in order as well as taking advantage of the time to mend her personal relationships if possible. Listen to her. Ask, then listen. She will know. lungcancer.org and many other websites will give more information than you want to know. Pray for a miracle but plan for the other. God will give grace when grace is needed. He doesn't always heal. His way is always best, even when we don't agree. We fought lung NSCLS, then it metasiszed to her bones then brain. Tarceva bought some time, but if surgery is not an option, barring a miracle from above, I am sorry to say, it's just a matter of time. I loved my wife like you love your sister. It is hard. I will lift you and your family and your sister and her family up in prayer. -- JL

Hi, I'm new to this site and came looking for emotional support. My sister has been fighting kidney cancer for more than 10 years. She has had many different types of treatments and surgeries to stay ahead of it, but now it has spread to her liver and her bones. One thing I remember her saying is that chemo does not work on kidney cancer so when hers spread first to her ribs and then to her lungs that was not an option. I admire her fight so very much she never took no for an answer and if she had given up, as some of her doctors did, she would have been gone a long time ago I'm afraid. Interlukin II (sp) slowed everything down for awhile, but it was very hard on her. She also spent a summer taking some sort of injections (I'm not sure what that was but I could find out for you). They also sucessfully removed the growths in her lungs. Her lungs are now free, but unfortunately one of the growths in her liver is wrapped around a vein and can't be removed. When the blood flow is shut off I guess that will be the end. Tell your sister to keep asking questions and changing doctors to get different opinions. When my sister came to a dead end with one she would find another and I know that her willingness to not give up bought her precious time. My problem as a sister is that I never thought it would get her and now here I am facing it and having a very difficult time. I've dealt with a lot of loss in the last several years, my elderly dad to cancer and another sister to heart disease. I'm not sure if this is the place to come to talk about that, but I need support and my friends and family while supportive, shouldn't have to listen to me all of the time. I'm finding that one minute I'm fine and the next I'm in tears. The only person left in the family I grew up with will be my very elderly mom, so I soon will face her loss as well. If this is the wrong spot can anyone out there reccomend a site on dealing with loss. Thanks. Love and prayers to you and your sister. I know what you're going though. Cis

Hi, I'm new to this site and came looking for emotional support. My sister has been fighting kidney cancer for more than 10 years. She has had many different types of treatments and surgeries to stay ahead of it, but now it has spread to her liver and her bones. One thing I remember her saying is that chemo does not work on kidney cancer so when hers spread first to her ribs and then to her lungs that was not an option. I admire her fight so very much she never took no for an answer and if she had given up, as some of her doctors did, she would have been gone a long time ago I'm afraid. Interlukin II (sp) slowed everything down for awhile, but it was very hard on her. She also spent a summer taking some sort of injections (I'm not sure what that was but I could find out for you). They also sucessfully removed the growths in her lungs. Her lungs are now free, but unfortunately one of the growths in her liver is wrapped around a vein and can't be removed. When the blood flow is shut off I guess that will be the end. Tell your sister to keep asking questions and changing doctors to get different opinions. When my sister came to a dead end with one she would find another and I know that her willingness to not give up bought her precious time. My problem as a sister is that I never thought it would get her and now here I am facing it and having a very difficult time. I've dealt with a lot of loss in the last several years, my elderly dad to cancer and another sister to heart disease. I'm not sure if this is the place to come to talk about that, but I need support and my friends and family while supportive, shouldn't have to listen to me all of the time. I'm finding that one minute I'm fine and the next I'm in tears. The only person left in the family I grew up with will be my very elderly mom, so I soon will face her loss as well. If this is the wrong spot can anyone out there reccomend a site on dealing with loss. Thanks. Love and prayers to you and your sister. I know what you're going though. Cis

Hi Cis, Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my posting. My thoughts are with you and I feel an empathy with you as my father died last week and my sister and mother are now my closest remaining relatives. My 88 year old mother is struggling to keep sane in the light of losing her husband and knowing her daughter has terminal cancer. Today, I took my parents-in-law back home following the funeral on Friday. Whilst driving to their home I accidently mounted the kerb, although I kept myself together then, driving back I suddenly started crying and had to pull of the road when I sobbed for about 15 mins. You will understand this. The only good thing to come out of this situation, is that I am now spending more time with my mum, and my sister and I are closer than ever. We spent last night sending silly texts, great fun. I believe that we must stay positive and laugh as much as possible. I am so sorry you are feeling so much sorrow, nothing I can say can help I know, but I hope it helps knowing I am thinking about you and your family. Bye for now, Alison

Thanks to you too Alison, It helps to know that there is someone out there that really understands. I'm so sorry about your dad. It's hard to let go of the way things were isn't it? I've decided that I will be the "great aunt, grandma, mom..." to all of those who lost and will loose their moms and grandmas. In which case I have to handle all of this. It will come, but it helps to share my troubles (I can totally relate to your crying experience, it doesn't take much for me lately to bring on the flood.) When share at home with my husband and daughter I get a lecture about having to deal with this. Hey, I know that, sometimes I just need a shoulder to cry on with no judgements. Thanks again. Please keep me updated on the progress of your sister. If you have any questions about kidney cancer I'll be happy to help in any way that I can. My sister would be glad to share info. Thanks again, you were a kind ear when I needed it. Cis