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by ecmb709 on Tue May 27, 2008 12:00 AM
My husband was treated last fall with chemo and radiation for SCC in neck lymph node with unknown primary. He's been seeing his oncologist every two months for checkups and so far everything is fine.
My question is this: Are mood changes common after treatment? He's not a pleasant person to be around. He has little patience and tolerance for anything. He seems angry at everyone. His behavior toward others can be quite rude. He doesn't seem like the same person anymore and, frankly, I don't like the person he has become.
by gatorgirl on Thu May 29, 2008 12:00 AM
On 5/27/2008 ecmb709 wrote:My husband was treated last fall with chemo and radiation for SCC in neck lymph node with unknown primary. He's been seeing his oncologist every two months for checkups and so far everything is fine. My question is this: Are mood changes common after treatment? He's not a pleasant person to be around. He has little patience and tolerance for anything. He seems angry at everyone. His behavior toward others can be quite rude. He doesn't seem like the same person anymore and, frankly, I don't like the person he has become. Any advice?
I never had mood swing's. I had tongue base cancer 3 yr's ago, but not in my lymph node. I had both radiation & chemo. I have a few bad painful side effects. Doe's he have any other side effects/ Please let me know. I can share what side effects I have if you want to know. I was told they get worse. I must remember I am alive & cancer free. I go for my 3 month's check up pn 5/29 at Emory in Atl., GA. I will remember your husband in my prayer's and also you for you both to have peace & you strengh for more understanding, which I know you have. Be bless, Sebi
by Miss_Betty_The_Mom on Thu May 29, 2008 12:00 AM
Yes mood changes are common after chemo. My son Mark was so hard to live with at times while on chemo for two years. We would say: "Mr fussy is here." when he would start fussing about everything and be totally unpleasant angry and rude. He had the insight to know when he had done this and would appologize and blame it on not feeling well but the chemo was a factor too. A similar thing happens in some disorders. I am a nurse and used to work with patients with Addison's Disease. As long as the patients would get their daily cortisone, they had one personality and when they did not get their medicine for some reason, they would come back into the hospital in crisis and have a totally different personality. Chemical , hormonal, changes in the body are probably to blame along with just being so sick from those changes. My son has been off chemotherapy for esophageal cancer and liver cancer for about a year and he is a neat person and Mr. nice guy. If he goes back on chemo I suspect we will see Mr Fussy again. Stick with your man and given time you may see your nice husband again. do check out a blog on my son and go back to old postings. You can view it by googling the next adventure
by 500smwhr on Thu May 29, 2008 12:00 AM
I suppose you might understand the mood changes if you had gone through all of this yourself. "I don't like the person he's become". What a horrible thing to say about someone who has been through all of this, and only has you to depend on for emotional support and strength.
Cancer with Unknown Primary is one of the worst, because they don't know where it started, what to treat it with, etc.
I have Adenocarcinoma with Unknown primary and was given less than one year to live. I have made it for four. How ? Through the strong support of my husband, family and friends... no matter how terrible I was. I was bald, I was fat from steroids, I was moody, I was in pain, and I was miserable.... and my husband's consistent comment was "You are beautiful and I love you very much".
Put yourself in his shoes if you can. Maybe you will be a little more empathetic and understanding about "what he's become" and why he's arrived there.
Your email reminds me to let all of my family members know, one more time, how much I appreciated their support, unconditional love, and understanding of what I was and am going through on a daily basis.
Thank God for my family and friends who were worried about me, and thinking about me, and not worrying about themselves during the toughest time of our lives.
by newyorkgirl on Thu May 29, 2008 12:00 AM
by Dolli on Thu May 29, 2008 12:00 AM
this was quite rude of you to talk to this woman this way. do you not know how hard it is to be the caretaker of someone who is this ill, i 'm sure she did not mean it the way you took it. if she did, she would not have been looking for advice. may you look at the bigger picture the next time you read something.
my husband took rad and chemo for a year, three years ago and has become a different person with mood swings. now the drs want to take him off the meds for his moods. this is very hard on all of us.
MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALWAYS
by Mr_Steve on Thu May 29, 2008 12:00 AM
I can remember after my chemo & radiation, I was not the nicest person in the world. Chemo changes everything in your life. Only time heals wounds. The wound of chemo takes a long time to heal, but never go away. You don't have to like him right now, but love him right now. This is a time of his life where he needs more love then ever before.
I had small cell lung cancer. My wife never forgave me for getting sick.
PLEASE understand that he is very scared and needs your love.
by RUGBY on Thu May 29, 2008 12:00 AM
I have had chemo and rads for breast cancer - Grade 3 stage 3.... Mood swings are a definite reaction to having cancer. Some people cope more with others regarding the follow up 'what if' questions that go through your mind. 'What if' it comes back? 'What if' it is still in my blood stream? and so on and so on. I likened my feelings to those of intense grief ..... anger, sorrow, a total lack of control over a situation .... I must have been awful and three years on still have my moments. NO-ONE knows what your husband went through in his mind whilst on treatment. He needs love and tenderness and times to reflect by himself to come to terms with what has happened to him. You may think he is confiding in you, may think you understand, but only other cancer patients REALLY know what diagnosis does to you. The only person I know who didn't have mood swings or worry is a lovely friend of mine who is the first to admit she is a dumbo.... she isn't very intelligent and hence doesn't see all the future possible pitfalls. We laugh about it and I envy her because the fear, once diagnosed, doesn't go away for most of us.
by baddd on Thu May 29, 2008 12:00 AM
I have brain cancer with a poor prognosis.
It is an incidious disease and I have become quite grumpy about many things. My family understands that this is a difficult time for me and are very supportive. Some friends don't understand, even when I tell them what I need, and make things much worse for me. Feeling lousy all the time does not make a happy camper. The chemo and radiation change many things that used to be normal and I am not sure who I am any more. It is also difficult to find people to talk to about how I feel, but my cancer center has a social worker that is quite helpful.
by 2ndChance on Thu May 29, 2008 12:00 AM
Boy can I relate? I remember spending time with my Dad and taking him to rad. treatments. He was very stubborn (didn't really want help moving around) and nasty not only to me but to nurses, techs, Drs. It was embarrasing at times. I had to keep telling myself that it wasn't me and I kept apologizing to other people for him. My advice to you is not to take it personally. It's hard to put yourself in their shoes but maybe a support group for caregivers would help you. You will see that this is quite common. It's also a safe place to let off some steam. Good luck to you and remember he is the same person you married for better or worse. This is the worse. You could also use this opportunity to get even closer to him by really discussing it with him in a loving way. God Bless the both of you.
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