Mood Changes After Chemo & Radiation

 

On 5/29/2008 rollman wrote:

.

My husband recently hit the one year anniversary mark. So far he is doing great and slowly coming back to be the same wonderful person that he was. 

Congratulations on making it to one year.  I pray that you will have many, many more years together.

I think some of the responders here have misinterpreted my original post (not you).  I was not posting because I was concerned about me but about our six children (not originally mentioned, I know) and my husband.  It is so difficult to be the caretaker of so many people for so many years and then to be on the sidelines, helpless to to anything.  While my husband's position as breadwinner/provider has been threatened somewhat, my position as caretaker has been pretty useless. 

Thanks for your info.

 

 

On 5/31/2008 Sandra60 wrote:

Talk about being rude!  We as caregivers know you are in pain/don't feel well/don't have cancer/etc., but it's not easy being on our side either.  I am so glad you have supportive people around you, my husband has supportive people around him as well, but sometimes it's just not easy taking the verbal abuse, put downs and rudeness.  Caregivers are people in distress too -  just in a different way!  What you said in your response was typical - it's all about YOU -  WRONG - it's about both of you together.  Remember, there are always two sides to everything.

Cancer does affect the couple - in different ways for sure.  We're both scared.  You know the greatest fear known to mankind is the "Fear of the Unknown"  And what could be more unknown than an unknown primary? We always hope that the chemo-radiation destroyed the primary.  But it will only be known if the cancer was destroyed many years down the road if the cancer doesn't return.  Living with this uncertainty would cause anyone to be emotionally unstable to some degree.

Thanks so much for your post.

 

 

On 6/1/2008 jcr65566 wrote:

sorry your husben has cancer.  Ray 

Thanks, Ray.  And I'm so sorry for what you have gone through - and still are.  God bless.

 

I just want you all to know how much I appreciate all of the responses.  I did not check this site for a couple of days and when I did return I was unable to get to the message board for some reason.  

When I finally was able to make it through to the message board and saw the number of responses that I received from my original post, I was overwhelmed!  Never did I expect my question to generate so many replies.  After reading your replies, it is obvious to me that this is an emotionally-charged topic.  And while I am not comfortable in any way that SO MANY people are experiencing something similar to what my husband is going through, somehow you have all given me some much-needed strength.

Thank you all.  I have prayed for every one of you.

 Marie (ecmb)

 

Odd as it may sound she never forgave me.  I smoked for years.  My getting sick changed her life.

Cancer is life changing.

I am not a doctor but having gone through chemo myself I'd have to say a little of both.  I always looked at it as pumping poison into my veins can't help but cause all sorts of weird side effects so it's a very good possibility that it can effect the brain in this way.  But if it is emotional, the best thing for him would be a support group or personal therapy with a professional familiar with chemo.  I know the hospital where I go have an oncology therapy staff.  I would check this out as soon as possible.  Good luck.

 

On 6/2/2008 ecmb709 wrote:

 

On 6/1/2008 jcr65566 wrote:

sorry your husben has cancer.  Ray 

Thanks, Ray.  And I'm so sorry for what you have gone through - and still are.  God bless.

 

 

yeah its hard, I’m not concerned for me but for my family. Like my daughter Jessica who’s just turn 21 and was also married. one year a go. When she comes over to see us. She gives me a hug like I was on my last leg or some thing. The look of concern in her face. I think I got a bit to close to my kids it just I love them so much I don’t want to see them suffer for my sake. Can you let your husband know. that mega does of Vitamin B helps, a lot. It takes a bout a week to kick in. and it good for the cancer to (could you tell him please don’t take it at night as he wont sleep it helped me when I was getting a bit depressed  A few. days ago I started taking the Graviola (Sour sop) again also Im taking 5000mg of vitamin C a day Iv got to tell you about  this A follow  Cancer patient friend of mine said he was advised to take Pawpaw as will as the Graviola pills. He told me why what he dos is  buy Pawpaw every two a week and he eat a half ever few days

He said just eating two Pawpaw a week is very good to fight cancer it works by blocking the production of energy in the mitochondria of cancer cells in other words or layman terms cancer cells are bigger then normal cells and they need more energy then normal cells so the pawpaw extract blocks the energy pump in the cancer cell and it dies he told me the other things it dos is      

 

Slows the Growth of new blood vessels in or near tumors

 

Depletes DNA RNA building blocks needed for normal and cancer cell division.

 

Kills cancer cells that are resistant to chemotherapy drugs

 

Prevent cells from activating ATP-Fuelled metabolic pumps that reject Chemotherapy  drugs Its up to 300 times more potent then the Chemo Taxol, without inducing weight loss 

 

I hope you get all this messige some times a part of it is choped out 

All I can say is never give up there are lot of people here who can give you good advice God bless

Ray  

 

 

On 5/29/2008 edupnorth wrote:

 

On 5/29/2008 scqttv wrote:

Sadly it is not the chemo or the radiation treatment that is causing the mood swings but the helplessness he feels. I was a total jerk when I was receiving my chemo and radiation treatment, especially towards my wife.  At worst, the treatments made me feel weak.  However, me losing control over my life made me angry because that what happens when you get cancer.  Because I am a man, I know that men need to project an image of being strong and a good provider but this disease destroys that image.  Now we (men) see ourselves as a defective person because it is our own body that is causing the disease not some virus. So, how can you be strong when you are defective. As the providers, we (men) are suppose to provide the financial stability for our family. Now, not only are we taking time off from work we also know that we might not be around to provide that financial stability for our family.. I know people want to help, and we will really be thankful for it later, but now your help is a constant reminder of what we think we have lost. We know that you want to help but all we see through our angry are people feeling sorry for a penniless and a defective man…that makes us angry.  In time, (if there is time), we will realize that there is more to us than our image and we will move on to the next phase which is when we begin to realize how much life means to us.

scott   

 

Scott, I believe you've hit the nail on the head.  No doubt chemo has some physiological effects that alter one's mood, but the whole process of knowing you have cancer, committing to the chemo, the lack of control you have over the process AND the results, and dealing with the long-term unknown all have a very powerful and generally negative psychological impact.  I learned I had Stage IIIB colon cancer on 12/17/07; my wife learned that she had a malignancy in a tumor removed from her parotid gland on 12/19/07.  She's completed 6 weeks (30 treatments) of radiation and recently got her first post-radiation scans---all clear!!  I've completed 8 of 12 FOLFOX6 treatments.  I can tell you that our moods have been up and down since Dec 07.  Fortunately we understand the other's situtation and have been able to lean on each other throughout the process.  Also fortunately, our church, our friends, and our faith have given us support when we needed it.

Personally, I've struggled with the lack of control over schedule; I go where my doctors tell me to go when they tell me to be there.  I like to be active but for 4-7 days after a treatment, my preferred activity is shifting position on the couch!  I have a lot of projects that aren't getting done and that's bothering me more and more.  My patience (with myself and others) is essentially non-existant since I'm falling so short of my own self-expectations.  No doubt, I am moody.  For instance, I have a lot less traffic through my office on the 3-5 days after chemo than I do the 3-5 days before the next treatment.

My wife and I are very fortunate; the people around us understand that we've been battling a disease that is trying to consume us from the inside.  The tools used to battle the disease are aggressive and have side-effects of their own that sometime call to question which is worse the disease or the cure.  The physical issues, each of us has to deal with individually as best we can.  The psychological issues are every bit as big a problem and from my perspective, the support of friends and caregivers is probably the most effective 'medicine' for these.

 

Wow - you've both captured it beautifully if that is an appropriate way to state it.  It's that thought of lack of control.  What I learned after going thru a mastectomy and chemo is that I never had control in the first place - it was all an illusion.  I just go with the flow and continue to live my life around the tests and doctors.  Thankfully I am 3 years out but there's not a day goes by that I don't think about it.  I too had a strong support unit and my coworkers were very understanding at first.  But I think what people need to realize is that once treatment is over, you're not the same person and never will be.  So maybe an awareness of this by everyone affected by it would help tremendously.  We don't want sympathy or pity, we just want people to realize that things have changed. 

 

 

On 6/2/2008 2ndChance wrote:

Wow - you've both captured it beautifully if that is an appropriate way to state it.  It's that thought of lack of control.  What I learned after going thru a mastectomy and chemo is that I never had control in the first place - it was all an illusion.  I just go with the flow and continue to live my life around the tests and doctors.  Thankfully I am 3 years out but there's not a day goes by that I don't think about it.  I too had a strong support unit and my coworkers were very understanding at first.  But I think what people need to realize is that once treatment is over, you're not the same person and never will be.  So maybe an awareness of this by everyone affected by it would help tremendously.  We don't want sympathy or pity, we just want people to realize that things have changed. 

 

One thing you said is something that I have given much thought to.  It's that lack of control.  And you followed with a statement that you never had control in the first place.  I think this is true for everyone in every circumstance.  We don't have control but we have become comfortable living our lives in such a way that we feel we have control.  When that goes, we feel like the wind has been knocked out of us. - like we can hardly breathe/

You said you were three years out and that gives me much hope.  When the diagnosis of cancer is first made, every worst thought goes through your head.  Every imaginable symptom and horrible end result is replayed over and over in your mind.  So when you say that you are three years out, I know that there is hope.  But I know that you have worried every day throughout those three years.

Now, about your last comment which is the original question I have.  Do you feel that your change in mood is the direct result of the anti-cancer drugs administered to you or the result of your dealing emotionally with the diagnosis of this disease?  I think it must be both and probably varies from person to person. 

 

 

 

On 6/2/2008 ecmb709 wrote:

 

On 5/29/2008 rollman wrote:

.

My husband recently hit the one year anniversary mark. So far he is doing great and slowly coming back to be the same wonderful person that he was. 

Congratulations on making it to one year.  I pray that you will have many, many more years together.

I think some of the responders here have misinterpreted my original post (not you).  I was not posting because I was concerned about me but about our six children (not originally mentioned, I know) and my husband.  It is so difficult to be the caretaker of so many people for so many years and then to be on the sidelines, helpless to to anything.  While my husband's position as breadwinner/provider has been threatened somewhat, my position as caretaker has been pretty useless. 

Thanks for your info

 

 As women and mothers we take a lot of responsibilities and develop many more strategies and skills in the care of our love ones. However when we are faced to care for a love one with cancer we are faced with a completely different story.  Skills and strategies used before are now of no use, that is why I think we feel so impotent.  I had to leave my son behind (only son) then 15 years old, when my husband needed treatment.  We were out of country for 5 months, at the time he stayed with my mother (71 years), who although she tried to do her best, had a hard time keeping up with my adolescent and extremely active child. As a caretaker of everyone I felt that I was letting everyone down.  My son lower all his grades , he was constantly asking  when we were coming back home and the times we were able to fly him to be with us for a couple of days he will leave in tears and total despair. My mother who suffers from advanced arthritis and fibromyalgia had to do all types of sacrifices in order to be a surrogate mother for my son. Worst of all I couldn't do a thing about it because I had to be by my husband side. On top of that the changes experienced by my husband behavior were baffling and overbearing. To my son, who has always be "Robert's (my husband) best buddy", the experience became so traumatic that he started to develop bulimia and gained about 20 pound in less than 2 months. Needless to say and for the first time in my whole life I questioned my capacity as a nurse and care provider.  I am a nurse, someone who is professionally trained to take care of others and keep things running smoothly in the worst of the situations, however as far as I was concern I was failing not only my professional duty but more important my nature as a mother and woman. Thus I guess that what I am trying to let you know is that you are not alone.   Those feelings of impotency and helplessness are part of the whole experience. You as well as your children and husband will need time and space to recover from all what you have been going through. Some will recover faster than others and probably the styles of handling the experience will be different for everyone, thus try to keep an open mind and communication open, also find things that will make you, your husband and kids laugh.  Fun stuff that even for a minute will make all you forget about cancer and share a good laugh. Things will get better and as the time passes and you look backward into it and you will find that you did just great and that your care taking instinct did just wonderful, although right now you might not  believe so. Bess of luck to you and your family.  God bless you...

Sandra 

PD - WOW!!! six? you are a trooper...