Frustrated...

Just waiting to see the Onc to see how Xeloda is working for me....feeling great.  For me, I only tell my personal friends and family about what's going on.  The frustrating part is that casual friends will call and say "heard you weren't well".  How would they hear...maybe someone in the Healthcare field.  I don't know why this upset me soooo much...It's frustrating enough that you have this disease....Just venting and being anxious about Monday's appointment.  Just want to know how to answer ignorant, nosey people..   Thanks!

 

On 5/31/2008 llmac wrote:

Just waiting to see the Onc to see how Xeloda is working for me....feeling great.  For me, I only tell my personal friends and family about what's going on.  The frustrating part is that casual friends will call and say "heard you weren't well".  How would they hear...maybe someone in the Healthcare field.  I don't know why this upset me soooo much...It's frustrating enough that you have this disease....Just venting and being anxious about Monday's appointment.  Just want to know how to answer ignorant, nosey people..   Thanks!

You should be happy so many people are concerned about you.  These people are not ignorant and nosey,  they are people who are concerned about you.  The heathcare field is not telling anyone, it's your friends and family.  Be thankful for everyone's kindness.  You are going through a very rough time right now and you can use all the kindness and support people give you. Best of luck on your apnt. Monday!

Well, I can tell you from my perspective I think its great that people are calling to check in on you. maybe they are ignorant, but maybe they really care and don't know how to word it properly. I for one lost 3 or 4 very close friends when I was diagnosed because they couldn't even bother to pick up the phone and ask me how I was doing, they were just too involved in their own lives. maybe the "C" word scared them and they didn't know how to respond, but this made the whole illness twice as traumatizing.  I sure wish they would have called, even if it was an awkwardly worded conversation that they had to stumble through. How would you feel honestly if nobody called? Maybe you're just bummed out and nobody can do anything right for you right now. That's okay to be down and go through that. You have every reason to be a little bitter for a while. Just be willing to give these people the benefit of the doubt - maybe they can help pull you out of that funk. I was surprised to see who ended up being there for me and who was no where to be found when the s&*t hit the fan.

If I were you for right now be straight forward and let your friends and family know your needs right now. Tell them e-mailing you may be better for the time being rather than calling. I am sure you are having alot of anxiety about all this. I know I did. Sometimes it is hard to talk about ALL the time.    

Good luck...

Dealing with cancer was right up there with my husband's mental illness.....I really found out who my friends were!  I learned to just put aside acomment's like "why did he get crazy?" and my favorites  about breast cancer, " Oh! It must have been easy for you, you're a nurse!" and " Who found it?"  People do seem so insensitive at these times, but , truly, it is simply awkwardness out of good intention.  It taught me a valuable lesson, and that was to anticipate their anxiety, and ask, "Do you have any questions I may be able to answer?" and use the opportunity to teach.   Trust me, it turns and awkward monent into a win, win  solution.  It also leaves a more trusting opening for your next encounter.  If  you just don't want to entertain these people, just say, " Gosh, I'm just not feeling well today, you know, treatments and all....maybe another a time."  Then ask, "And, how are YOU?"  Hang in there, it will get better, I promise!"

I disagree with previous posters.  This isn't about these other people.  It is about you.  While my husband and I were dealing with his pancreatic cancer, I found it too difficult to even speak about it.  I checked caller ID and did not take any calls I didn't want to.  I felt no obligation to call anyone back.  I had my close family put out the word that it was too hard for us to talk about.

Real friends sent e mails and cards, dropped meals at the door, and asked my immediate family for jobs or ideas of how to help.  They DID NOT put me on the spot of having to talk talk talk, explain, explain and explain. 

Many of the previous posters have a better view of people than I do.  I think many are interested in the drama of it all, not in really helping.  People are nosey.  Some just want to feel better about themselves that they made that phone call and now don't have to do anything else. 

Do what is best for you, not others. 

I agree, I lost a friend also, she was with me the day I got the diagnosis, sent me beautiful flowers after my surgery and then I went through 7 weeks of radiation therapy and never heard a peep.  Got together again and expressed some of my disappointment, then had a second primary cancer and we were out together just days before my second surgery, a neck dissection, and never got a call, a one line e-mail or a $.99 greeting card.  I know if it were reverse I could never be that way.  Don't people realize that it is bad enough that life has thrown you this curve but bailing out on a friend at a time like this, for whatever reason,  just makes the whole situation that much more.  I have found more support in strangers then from this person. It is difficult to go through some thing like this without the concern and support of the people who are suppose to care.