My Father

My father was diagnosed last month with lung cancer with mets to the bone. He has had pain for some time but it got worse about 2.5 weeks ago and was put on darvocet and then oxycontin.  He became confused and very lethargic and shaky when walking. He was brought to the ER last weekend and has since been moved to a rehab.

He will start radiation tomorrow - I spoke to my BIL tonight who happens to be a radiation therapist and will give my father his treatments. He said that his left shoulder is pretty much shot. They will be giving him rads on both of his shoulders and his lung mass. He has said that it is all for pain management which I know but my sister is living in denial.  My mother thinks that he will survive. I want to let her know the true stats but she has had issues of her own and I do not want to upset her too much.

 I just cannot believe how much has changed over the last couple of weeks.  My father was able to move about on his own and now he needs help with everything.  He seems to be hallucinating a little because he tells my sister that he keeps on seeing things when he looks at my mother.  Honestly, my sister has taken the reins on this stretch.  I did the first half with talking my father to all his tests and such.  I really do not like to see him in the rehab although I feel safer that he is there.  My mother is so tired but continues to go everyday to see him.

Emotionally, I am ok but I am dreading the whole goodbye process.  I want to let him know how I feel but I do not want to let him know how advanced he is.  He thinks that once the rads start he will be fine.

I never really said goodbye to my grandmother (his mother) and 13 years later I am still having issues.  I think that deep down he knows how I feel but you just never know. 

How much I can relate to you!My father was diagnosed last year with NSCLC with mets to the brain. After two rounds of radiation and two rounds of chemo he is now taking Tarceva(chemo pill taken daily). Unfortunately, although both cancers had shrunk a bit, the one in the brain seems to be the immediate danger and has already brought a further metastasis to the eye.

Lately, I've seen my dad suffer so much, i would have never thought our life would change so much and so fast. From being a healthy, strong man living life to the full, hes has now lost 20kg, all his hair, he barely goes out and had to give up his job too. And he is only 50years old.....

The doctors have been pessimistic since day one, but since his eye mets they have told us to prepare ourselves. We chose not to tell him about his eye or the full extent of his condition. We are just trying to keep his spirit high and hoppe for the best for him.

It's so unfair and so sad and you wish it never happened to you, that you could turn the clock back and change sth.....

I do hope you find the strength to deal with this and despite all the odds, never stop hoping. 

God bless you and your father. 

Hi Tracey

Sorry to hear about your dad. My dad suffered the same thing. He died from lung cancer in March this year. He started off with a pain in his right shoulder and the doctors told him for about a year that he had a tooth infection which was infecting his blood and causing pain in his shoulder. So silly. Its not until he had a lung xray that they saw the cancer.

He hellucinated as well. Make sure you tell your dad all the things you want to say. My dad passed away a few weeks after the hellucinations started.

Look after yourself and support your sister. I wish lots of strength and pray that your dad will be ok.

 Regards
Jennifer

I think that the end is near for my father.  My sister and mother say that his breathing was very bad today and he was in alot of pain. Once I got home from work my mother left to see him to make sure he ate his dinner and the rehab called to say that they were bringing him to the hospital due to his breathing.  I tried calling her but she did not have her cell on her.  Once I got there he seemed to be gasping for breathe.  They finally had to call 911 because they could not get a private ambulance company to transport him (across the street no less).  My sister was screaming up and down until they finally gave in a called 911.

Once at the hospital - the doctor who we saw last week suggested a ventilator (my father has a dnr) and my sister said no so they gave him a shot of morphine.  He was very out of it and hallucinating.  At times he knew you were there other times not so much.  He has no clue where he was.  My mother is taking it pretty hard.  After I left so my BIL can come up (I had to stay with the kids) my sister says that he kept on doing gestures like he was drinking something (he had nothing in his hands).

I am not someone who shows her sad emotion in public but I hate seeing him like this.  Tonight I was looking at a photo of him on his wedding day and it choked me up a bit.  This is moving so fast.  A mere month ago - he was functioning well (he was probably in pain but not showing it).  My father is not a saint but I just want him to be painfree and at peace.

I will update tomorrow... 

Hi it really saddens me to hear about your dad's pain. It is so hard to watch someone in so much pain and not know what to do to help.  It can be really stressful at home especially when he isn't able to breath.

Here are a few things we did when my dad had trouble breath: We got an oxygen machine for home. The hospitals here in Australia supply them free of charge to your home, I'm not sure if the same thing is available in the US.  The hospital also did an ultrasound and found a lot of liquid in his lungs which was causing the breathing problem. They did a lung drain and that seemed to make him feel better. He even had a beer a couple of hours afterwards because he was able to breath and much happier. Maybe your dad has the same problem. They stick this needle into your lung and let the liquid drain out. They took 4 litres out of my dads right lung.

On 6/4/2008 TracyR wrote:

My father was diagnosed last month with lung cancer with mets to the bone. He has had pain for some time but it got worse about 2.5 weeks ago and was put on darvocet and then oxycontin.  He became confused and very lethargic and shaky when walking. He was brought to the ER last weekend and has since been moved to a rehab.

He will start radiation tomorrow - I spoke to my BIL tonight who happens to be a radiation therapist and will give my father his treatments. He said that his left shoulder is pretty much shot. They will be giving him rads on both of his shoulders and his lung mass. He has said that it is all for pain management which I know but my sister is living in denial.  My mother thinks that he will survive. I want to let her know the true stats but she has had issues of her own and I do not want to upset her too much.

 I just cannot believe how much has changed over the last couple of weeks.  My father was able to move about on his own and now he needs help with everything.  He seems to be hallucinating a little because he tells my sister that he keeps on seeing things when he looks at my mother.  Honestly, my sister has taken the reins on this stretch.  I did the first half with talking my father to all his tests and such.  I really do not like to see him in the rehab although I feel safer that he is there.  My mother is so tired but continues to go everyday to see him.

Emotionally, I am ok but I am dreading the whole goodbye process.  I want to let him know how I feel but I do not want to let him know how advanced he is.  He thinks that once the rads start he will be fine.

I never really said goodbye to my grandmother (his mother) and 13 years later I am still having issues.  I think that deep down he knows how I feel but you just never know. 

Dear Tracy,

I'm so sad reading your posts about your dad.  My husband has small cell lung cancer which has also mets to the bones.  Some intermitant pain, but the doctor thinks thats from the Zometa (the bone strengthening medicine they give him with chemo).  I hope he's right. 

Before my mother passed away 12 years ago from Pancreatic Cancer, I never told her just how much I loved her and what a great mom she was.  It was my first experiencing facing the death of a dear one.  She was in a coma and little did I know that even in a coma, the hearing is the last sense to go.  So please, do not hesitate to tell your dad what he means to you. 

My prayers are with you and your family as well as everyone on this site who suffers from this dreaded disease.