My Mom Just diagnosed May 18th

Sorry, forgot to mention, last ambulance trip in I watched her have a small focal seizure (a first).  Redness on forehead more pronounced, confusion, tiredness, I wake in the middle of the nite and want to go see her...my heart breaks.  and watching my Dad break down because he finally realizes, how do you keep the faith???

 

On 8/1/2008 Misty123 wrote:

Sorry, forgot to mention, last ambulance trip in I watched her have a small focal seizure (a first).  Redness on forehead more pronounced, confusion, tiredness, I wake in the middle of the nite and want to go see her...my heart breaks.  and watching my Dad break down because he finally realizes, how do you keep the faith???

Dear Misty,

My heart goes out to you and your mom and dad.  Life sometimes is very hard.

So....  when you are having a hard time, try this:  step back, take some deep breaths, refocus.  Concentrate on what's here and now - tomorrow will come when it comes.   You only need strength enough for today, this hour, or if necessary, just this minute.  You just have to get thru this moment.  The amazing thing about the human heart is that the strength you have right now, what you find for this moment,  is also what will get you through the next moment. 

This is true for your father, also, if you will please tell him; especially tell him to remember to breathe ...

If you have not yet checked out home health and/or hospice, perhaps think about checking them out now.  The message I wrote about them is still in this thread.  You mentioned in a later message that you had taken your mom to a support group.  They might be able to assist you in getting help to take care of your mom at home. They could possibly help with a lot of other things - keep them in the loop so that they know to offer help, whether it be providing a hot casserole for supper or a shoulder to lean on. Don't you and your dad try to do this alone.   (Remember, no broken down caregivers needed - take care of yourselves!!!)

If your mom has not thought about and/or signed advanced directives, perhaps you and your dad should talk to her about them now.  If you are not familiar with advance directives - living will, durable power of attorney, health care surrogate (different states/countries use different designations) - you can find information and forms on the internet, and the hospital staff should be able to help you with them as well. (I mention this because making sure advance directives get put on her hospital chart is one thing your mom can do to retain control of her life, and to make transitions easier for you and your dad.)

Your mom will always be with you - no one can take her out of your heart.  My mom passed away from cancer 10 years ago come November, but she is still with me.  I sometimes even talk to her.  ( e.g. "Hey Mother, I sure could use some help making these curtains - WHAT was it you used to tell me about sewing??  Oh, THAT...."  Then I chuckle, and get on with the job!)  Trust that will find you own way to keep her memory fresh in your life- in the meantime cherish her  now.  Talk to her, make her laugh (your dad, too) , be her daughter, be her friend.

I read the messages about donating her body.  Getting her back again might not be so be hard, especially when you know her final act was a selfless gift that may help someone else somewhere down the road.  What a wonderful woman she must be.

And she WILL always be - like I said, they can take away the bodies of those we love, but their spirits endure within us.

I will keep you in my thoughts,

Tre

 

Your words are encouraging, I thank you!  A new thing yesterday, injected blood thinners in case of clots and today (I hadnt  arrived @ hospital yet) the pallative doctor told my mum that she is seriously ill and if the family  had any questions to talk to her, she was gone when i got there but i will see her tomorrow.  Dad is doing a bit better and i did talk to him about a hospice across the street from us, i will have to find out more info. 

 

We did ask the social worker to talk to my Mum last week about power of attorney and will because we didnt want my Mum to think we were giving up.  Well it didnt work, she got upset, I have contacted the family lawer who is a family friend who may be able to talk to her better.

And you are right, she is a wonderfulperson, her circle of friends go on and on....she was always  on the go helping others it must be so frustrating to be bedridden.  She does not want  any of her friends to visit, she does not want them to see her weak, no cards no flowers etc.  I contacted her friends and explained that we have to respect her wishes, they have complied.

Its real hard to keep faith and to believe in above when the good ones are taken from us in such a horrible way.  I have given her whatever she wants including taking her to her favorite church, that was a highlite for all of us becuase she never thoght shed get to go there again becuase of the distance away.  She moved 15yrs ago and hadnt been back, I took her as a surprise in the early part of the diagnosis.

Once again, I thank you.  This forum is amazing! Cudos to the owners of it.

Just found out this morning my Mum will NOT be having anymore  chemo or radiation treatments.  She is scheduled for  2 ct scans tomorrow.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I have followed your mom's progress from reading your messages. I hope her appointment went well today.

My mom was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago as having stage III adenocarcinoma nsclc. She was in the hospital for two weeks. She looks so weak and had lost weight already from being in the hospital that long. She has an appointment to see her oncologist next week to find out the result of her MRI - to see whether it has spread to her brain and to talk to her about her treatment options. We are all hoping for the best.

Please keep us updated. Take good care of yourself.

Thanks you andI hope all goes well for your family.

I found out yesterday that Tuesday night was bad for my Mum she hadd to had morphene because they have cut back her 4 decadron to  3 a day(4mg each).  She had a lot of pressure on the right side of head, same as before.  She has become so weak and almost giving up, she is such a stong person and I dont know how to pick herspirits up again, my Dad and I are trying so hard.  She tells us to go home, we stay.  I dont know when we will get the results of the scans, one was for the brain  and one for the chest and abdomen.

Thank you for your warm wishes. Both you and your dad need to stay strong.

 Take Care.

Well I got the results today.  One brain tumour has shrunk from the radiation, the other has not.  The lung has not changed, and there are more tumours found, its spreading.  The new tumours are once again on the spleen, lymphnode around the liver, lymphnode around the kidney.  We have an appointment next Thursday for the Radiation Doctor and the Chemo Doctor so they can do closure on the treatments.  And the Doctor said that she probably wont be coming home, she will be staying at the Complex Care Unit that she was transported  to yesterday.  My heart is breaking.

How is your dad taking all of this? Don't lose hope. 

I'll keep you in my prayers. Let's hope for the best.

Take Care.

Dad is not too good,  the hardest part this morning was telling my Mum  she would be coming home because she was so upset that she wouldnt be able to enjoy her new apartmtnet I moved them into mid July (2 doors down from me), she was only here a week and had to be re-admitted. My Dad and I got the news in the afternoon, in private with the doctor.  My Mum is scheduled to see the Chemo and radiation doc to close the file on Thursday, I guess they will be blunt with her then.